Update on my situation

[Ricky]

I thought I'd come on and tell how things have been going with my current girl problem (my last post about it was here: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=2340[/url])
I know I don't contribute much to the forum (sorry ), but I kinda need to vent some stuff that's been building up for weeks.

Well, her birthday came up and I gave her a call on her cell phone. She answered, and I was surprised to hear her voice since I tried to call her a week earlier (when her actual party was going on) and just got a voicemail instead. She sounded excited to hear from me. I told her "happy birthday" and she said thanks (in a sweet tone that showed she appreciated me doing so). Unfortunately, her cell phone was dying, so an actual conversation was hard to do. She kept fading out. I asked if I should call her home phone, but her sister was using it, so she said she'd call me back later in the day.

I never got the call. I watied the whole damn day and got really excited everytime the phone rang, only to be sorely dissapointed when I picked it up and found it was my dad calling, or some stranger dialing a wrong number. I called her cell phone back the next day and it was dead: the voicemail was not up. I tried later in the day and the voicemail had begun working, so I left her a message asking why she didn't call (not in an accusing tone) and asked for her to call me some time. I also said that I didn't want to pester her so I wouldn't be repeadedly trying to call her.

I wondered why she never called back. I figured if she said she was going to, she would; that's the way she is. Perhaps she's trying to avoid me, or maybe she just lost my number. I don't know. One thing that caught my attention when I was talking with her is that she used my first name. See, we are usually in a military environment (didn't mention that before) and typically we refer to each other by our last names. Occasionally, she would sometimes use my first name, but mostly she used my last name, as I did her. When we talked on the phone, she twice used my first name, wich I definitely noticed. I took it as a sign that she was maybe feeling closer to me, but when she didn't call back, that kind of dashed my hopes a bit.

It's been about two weeks now. I sent her birthday gift a couple of days ago (it finally shipped!) and she should recieve it today or tommorow. I'm hoping that she'll call me and thank me, or at least send me a thank you card or something. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I can't help it. I wish I knew for certain if things are going to happen between us but everything seems to be just hidden in a big cloud that I can't see through.

The thing that really sucks is that if I do get with her, there is another girl that I promised I'd go to the college ball with. When this girl asked me, my interest was still with her boyfriend. Not one to turn down a good thing, I said "yes." I mean, I'm single, my love interest was dating a guy, I might as well meet other people, right? But now my love interest is more available, and she's the one I want. If I end up with her, I'll tell her right off the bat that I promised to take another girl to the ball, and I'm sure she'll understand. I'm not too interested in dating the other girl. I don't dislike her at all, but I'm too obsessed with my current interest to want to date this other girl. I think she might like me, but I don't know. I'll just go to the ball and see how things go, which will depend on whether I'm together with my interest by then (or if there is still a possibility of that).

[Zekk_T_Strife]

If there has one thing I've learned in these past few days is that the absense of a phone call can REALLY drive me up the wall and yet when I find out why I haven't gotten that call I realize just how much I was overreacting by reading too much into it. I'm not saying you're overanalyzing, just saying it's probly nothing and that she probly either hasn't had time or means to then ends up forgetting (you know we guys do that a lot too). But yeah your situation sounds good, you aren't being pushy, you're letting her call you back, the use of the first name is definitely a good sign, you've got a date for the ball, things sound like they're going well. Just give it time and let things flow the way they're meant to be. I know that's a hell of a lot easier said than done but it's really the only thing left to do at this point.

[Ricky]

Thanks for the good words. I guess it does seem alright when you look at it from an objective point of view, but it doesn't feel like that. Perhaps I am worrying too much. I do have a date to the ball, but not with the girl I want! (I'll apply names to these girls to clear things up. The girl I'm in love with and talked on the phone and all that, I will call "Jenn." The girl I promised to take to the ball, but am uninterested in because of Jenn, I'll call "Ann." There, all straigtened out. )

I was seriously thinking about calling Jenn today but I decided not to. I don't want to pester her. Two of her ex-boyfriends have drived her nuts by calling her a lot after they broke up, and I don't want to act the same way. Plus, some previous advice I got here was to let her call me. At this point I don't even know if my chances with her are good or not. I told her I liked her. She doesn't want to date anybody right now, though. And she never really said if she liked me that way or not, so I'm in the dark. Someone pointed out to me that if she did like me, she would of asked to go out with me instead of her previous boyfriend (she asked him out before he could ask her). I thought about that. I fell for her long before she got with her boyfriend, and when she did, and I found out it was her who asked him out, I figured she didn't really like me the way I thought she might have. But I kept obsessing. Now she's single and doesn't want to date, and it's driving me nutso.

Hopefully she'll call sometime soon. I want her to. I need her to, 'cause I can't get her out of my head for too long. I could just "let it go" and forget about it until she calls (if she does), but that's almost impossible to do. She'll always pop back in my mind. I just don't think she will though. If she hasn't called by now, she might not ever. Maybe she needs time. Maybe sometime later this summer she'll sit and think about finally picking up the phone and dialing my number. I want to call her, but I probably shouldn't. I sometimes think that if I don't call she'll think I don't really care about her or forget about me, and that if I do call I'll be bothering her or making her uncomforatable.

Other than that, your'e right. There really is nothing much I can do, except try and get all this stuff off my mind so I'm not miserable all the time.

[Ricky]

Well, more stuff happened. After I sent her gift, I waited a while to see if perhaps she might send a thank-you card or make a phone call to say thank you (I wasn't really expecting it, though. She knew ahead of time she was getting the gift and even knew what it was).

Anyway, no thank you arrived so I decided to call her to make sure the gift arrived (and of course it was a good excuse to get to hear her voice again). She answered and I heard her family in the background - it sounded pretty busy. She said "hey!" in the same excited tone she used during the last call. The first thing she mentioned was that she was trying to reach me earlier and didn't get through somehow (I guess you were right; I was worrying for nothing!). She confirmed that she recieved the gift and said thank you. She said she was currently busy (I could tell by all the many voices in the background) and she said she'd call me back later. I asked if she had my number and she said that she had it on her cell phone.

I never got that call, either. I thought about what she said about not being able to reach me, and wondered if maybe she had my number wrong. I called the next day and only got a voicemail, so I left a message expressing my concern that she may not have the number right and said I'd try again later. The following several days I tried to call her one two more times with no success. Then I decided I'd just let it go for the time being. Try to put her out of my mind, I thought, and things will go as they should.

This evening I came home from work, tired, and there was a message on my answering machine. I pressed "play," and heard her lovely voice! The message was pretty short and she said that she got my call and got a chance to call me back. One noticeable thing about her message: she once again used my first name. I guess we're officially on a first-name basis now, which is great. After some celebratory hooting and hollering, I picked up the phone and called her back. She didn't sound as happy to hear from me this time, but I think it was because she was tired. She was at a fast food place when she answered her cell phone and she had finished with a job interview. I asked a little bit about her job, and then she said that since she was in a different town, she was being charged double minutes on her cell phone. Not wanting to cost her a lot of money, I said I'd let her go, and she said she'd call me when she got home.

I didn't hear from her again today, but I don't know if she was going home today or tommorow, so maybe she will still call. Now that I know she has my correct number, I am not going to bother her anymore. I'm just going to let her call me from now on until we establish something. The fact that three times in a row, she said she would call and didn't, is kind of worrying, but maybe there are good explanations for each time. I'm not as down in the dumps now, and I think it'll be interesting to see where this will end up.

[jslaughter]

I don't know if you will find this helpful or hurtful but sometimes in my life relationships just have failed to come together because we can't get it together. I have gone out with some very nice guys and we'll talk a few mor times or play phone tag and then things fizzle out. I suppose if I felt stronger about them - like they were "the one" perhaps I would've tried harder but sometimes things just don't happen and usually its for the best.