Meeting his wife/girlfriend

[pepsimax]

Hi,

I wasn't sure where to post this as I am not in a relationship with this guy.
Here is my situation:
I am single. Over a year ago I met a guy (Dan) at work who is married with children. We became very close and there was always teasing going on and he came with me to work every day. I left over 6 months but we remained in touch and now I work across the street from him so we go to work together. Through him I became friends with a guy that works with him -Will who is also a family guy.
Anyways, I developed strong feelings for Dan kind of from the start which I know is wrong since he is married. But he was always there for me and we were always together. He and Will figured it out.
I have never met the wives.
However, it's Will's bday and his wife wants to go for his bday to this pub. Me, Will and Dan sometimes go out to that pub just the 3 of us.
I don't mind meeting Will's wife but I know that seeing Dan with his wife will be very difficult for me and I doubt I will have a good time, even though there is nothing going on between us.

I want to go coz it's Will's bday but he knows why I am not planning on coming. Dan asked me why I am not coming-not sure if he knows the reason or not.
Has anyone been in this situation? What would you do?

I will appreciate hearing from other people who have gone through this....it sucks having feelings for someone not available.

Thanks

[basilandthyme]

Not going to the party is selfish. Not to mention that seeing him there with his wife will help give you a reality check

Two reasons to attend.

[pepsimax]

I don't need a reality check. I know very well that he is in love with his wife and have met his daughter. I am not living in a fantasy that he will divorce her.
I don't think it's being selfish thinking about my feelings and how it will affect me and doing what is best for me. I don't think a person should do something that he is very uncomfortable with and will make him feel bad just to make someone else happy who isn't even family.

[TablesandChairs]

If you can't handle it, say you can't go. Make up a reason. But perhaps it's good if you do go...obsessing over a married guy is absurd and it's time better invested in searching for an available one.

[Starnique]

Why are you stressing over this? You're obviously the problem. If you put your focus into yourself first, then maybe an available man will come to you. As Basil said, you need to go for the reality check. You worried about a man that's not even yours. Move on and get your life already.

[Starnique]

Btw, you're a single woman. Why are you hanging around married men and being a attention whore? This is exactly why any man of mine don't have female friends.

[Maple1714]

Just go for an hour and then leave. Don't make a big deal out of it...he is married after all. I also think that seeing him with his wife, meeting her etc will help you realize that your feelings for this guy are just infatuation/curiosity.

OR

Don't go and cut contact with both men. Move on and find some single girls/guys to go to a different pub with. Change it up.

[Hightower]

Just go for an hour and then leave. Don't make a big deal out of it...he is married after all. I also think that seeing him with his wife, meeting her etc will help you realize that your feelings for this guy are just infatuation/curiosity.

OR

Don't go and cut contact with both men. Move on and find some single girls/guys to go to a different pub with. Change it up.

I think you're in a little bit of trouble here. He is obviously not a friend in your eyes since seeing him with his wife will bother you. He is more than a friend. You've put yourself into a bad situation. Someone said there might be a reality check if you see him with his wife, I know you didn't like hearing that but it is true. We've all been there, and once I actually met the spouse of another person I had a crush on, I moved on. It puts things into perspective that way.

All I can say are there are lots of guys out there for you. I am not saying Dan and Will can't be friends with you, or even go to lunch at a certain pub with you, but I also know that things can "start" that way (an affair).