I feel like this can be a TV show...[Please read and help]

[spiritd]

Hey guys. First, let me say how much I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this long, long post about my issues. You guys are really great people...thank you.

So this is going to be quite a long story...I'll try to condense as much as possible. Let me start off by saying I am 17 (18 in August) and will be starting college in the fall.

So for the purpose of simplicity, the girl this is about will be referred to as "P."


Ok I first met P during 9th grade. We were really good friends. We talked a lot etc, and I developed feelings for her. She didn't return those feelings and I cant really recall what happened but we gradually stopped talking and we didn't talk for about a year and a half.

Fast forward to midway through our junior year (11th grade). I have a girlfriend and she has a thing with someone. We gradually start talking again and we become good friends again. In August I brokeup with my girlfriend (but the feelings were gone in Mid July). After breaking up with my girlfriend, I spent a lot more time with P in the summer. I started having feelings for her again. Things were good. We hungout a lot, we both liked eachother, we were happy. Mid September, we get in an argument and we make up and such but P doesn't really talk to me so much anymore. So I gaveup with talking to her and throughout October we didn't talk at all and for most of December. Now during October, November, and part of December, I kind of had a small thing with another girl and it was interesting.

So in November, P starts texting me again, always asking me to hangout. At this point, I don't want to hear it. I was angry at her for not talking to me anymore and I just didn't want to deal with it. P persisted and I felt bad so one day in December I decided to hangout with her. I told P that I kind of had feelings for another girl and that she just stopped talking to me out of nowhere in September and that ruined it. She opened up to me more than she ever has. She was on the verge of tears and told me how much she cared about me and for the first time in our whole relationship, I knew just how much she cared about me. Gradually, we started talking again and pretty much, P and I got back together.

Now P and I had an interesting relationship. We were really close. Really, really close. Now this is where it gets really hard. We had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. A lot of useless fights and some really big ones. One thing characteristic about her though is many times she says something she doesn't mean and it's something that really hurts.

So fast forward to April. P and I are still together but it's like not right. Like she seemed really confused and more than anything I needed to now that she still cared about me. So a day before Spring Break, I breakup with her. I tell her I still care about her but she needs to be sure what she wants and its pointless for me to keep her in a relationship she doesn't want. We still talk the rest of the day, and that night shes crying on the phone and like I really knew she cared.

The next day, she is going to leave to SoCal for the weekend and I go to drop her at the airport along with her sister and we kiss goodbye and such. When she's in SoCal, she's constantly texting me even when she's at parties and such (she never texts at parties...ever) and like she missed me like crazy. It was awesome. She ended up getting hurt in dance practice when she came back from SoCal and she was reduced to being on the couch for a while. I went over to her house many, many times and sat with her parents and sister just to be with her. We spent a lot of time together and like we went for 2 weeks without a single argument, a single fight, and we acted JUST LIKE we were going out. So I told her that I think we should just get back together because it's stupid acting one way but then acting like we aren't. She disagreed with me and my frustration was at a high so that kind of upset me for sure.

Following that little argument, we hungout the next week and we held hands, kissed, the whole 9. Everything was good between us until we got in an argument because she told me that she wanted to go to a party on Friday but her parents wouldn't let her. I suggested she hangout with me instead and she said she would but her parents won't let her out. Fast forward to Friday, she was acting weird with me all day and then she tells me she's going to the party because she's going to force her parents to let her. I was pissed. I got really mad that she would try so hard for a party when it seems like spending time with me meant nothing to her. We got in a fight she said she just wanted to keep things as friends, whatever. But she still had feelings for me and she openly admitted it to me.


So since that day, I've been trying really hard for us to get back together. And it was a no go. So one day when we were buying prom tickets (we planned to go together) I told her I had to talk to her. She said she couldn't because she had a Dr appointment so I said OK and I met up with her afterschool to buy tickets. AFterschool, she was with me and her friend and after we bought tickets, P totally ignored me. She knew I had to talk to her and yet she didn't even say one word to me when she knew I had to talk to her. Later that day, after the gym, I tell her that I felt really disrespected by how she ignored me and that what I wanted to say was I giveup on our relationship, I just want to be friends, I want to go to prom only as friends, etc. She said she wanted to say something but I told her I didn't want to hear it because everytime she says the same thing that she doesn't care about us etc and that's way too painful to hear. SHE BLEW UP. It was like a volcano! She bitched me out like crazy, said she didn't want to go to prom, said she didn't ever want to talk to me, etc. She even blocked my number on AT&T lol.

SO following that fight, I did everything to say sorry. FLowers, candy, notes, talking to her, CRYING, going to every one of her classes, etc. She didn't care.

So, I said screw it. I'm not someone who has a hard time getting girls so I easily found a new date and we went to prom. So we didn't talk at all during prom but after prom, things happened. Umm so as most may know, there was alcohol involved after prom. Her date and mine both weren't there. She and I both started drinking along with everyone else and it was an amazing night. She started talking to me and we kissed, cuddled, everything. It was awesome.

Now the next day, we hungout. So I knew it wasn't just alcohol. We hungout all day and we cuddled at her house and stuff it was awesome. But....she told me she didn't like me anymore, which she's been saying since the big fight (where she blocked my #). And she said she just wants to be friends.i said ok but i really didn't believe her. Anyway, fast forward and it was shaky like that for a while. We weren't really friends. We didn't really talk.

So.....June comes! Graduation. Do we take a single picture together? Nope! Do we talk? Nope! So there was a dance held on our last day of school and that night I danced with both P and another girl. It was a good night but P still acted like she didn't care for me, etc. So 3 days later, we were at a mutual friends grad party. P and I don't talk at all once more and instead I talk to the other girl all night. So later that night, P starts texting me out of the blue. She starts talking a lot and telling me she's at a party (she never does this at a party..) and she makes it a point for me to know that she is not talking to other guys. She also tells me that I looked really good that night (I did ). I'm not having any of it though. My replies are conversation killers and one word answers.

So the next day, she tells me she read my yearbook entry. Now I just want to say we both wrote a lot in eachothers yearbooks, more for eachother than out best friends and despite all the bitterness both of us wrote a lot of sweet things. I asked her if it made her cry and she said yea she cried and it was really sweet (I wrote it hoping she'd tear up because I was when writing about it lol). So I pretty much kill our conversation again.

The next day, she's at it again and I'm playing the same role of killing any attempts at a conversation. FInally, she tells me that she's trying really hard to be my friend but I'm being so mean to her that she gives up. At that point, I felt really bad. I talk to her like normal. We are on the phone all day, talk all day, the whole 9. She begs me to come over to her house, we cuddle. I tried to kiss her and initially she resisted but then she kissed me anyway and it was awesome. We got frozen yogurt, and we were acting like a couple again. Before I leave, she things I'm mad at her over something and I tell her I'm not and we kiss and it was awesome (this was our last kiss btw :'( ). I get home that night and she begs me to stay on the phone with her and we talk all night simultaneously on AIM and on the phone...just like the old days.

So after this day it's like she pulled a 180 on me. To summarize it she acts like Monday didn't happen but she still talks to me a lot, constantly video chats me, etc. I got pissed at her one day after I heard she was talking about another guy(im sugarcoating but I'm gonna spare you the read) and pretty much I tell her she's confused and she needs to get her act together how she feels about me before we talk. She pretty much tells me she's sure of how she feels and that I'm in denial and lying to myself. But, we stop talking anyway.

A couple of weeks later, I'm like screw this and I call her and I get her to admit she misses her best friend(me!) and we start talking again. We start talking all time like usual and we constantly video chat with eachother and stuff. That Friday we were at a party, I ask her to come outside with me so we can talk. All I said to her was that in college if she has feelings for me, to not expect our relationship will be the same as it was in high school. We've both learned and we'll both have a better relationship (SHE actually said this to me back in April!!!). Umm anyway, she gets upset and starts crying. She says she's at a party and trying to socialize why do I have to bring it up there (she was right). I felt horrible for making her cry and I punched a fence 3 times, swelling up my hand, scarring it...which she saw. (Lol now that my hand is scarred...she'll always be a part of me...great!)

So that night, I texted her saying sorry for when I told her but I'm not sorry for what I said, and the next day I called her twice. She didn't call or text me back (which I didn't expect her to) and we haven't talked since.

Recently, she was talking to a mutual friend about us and told my friend that:
-She still cares about me as a person
-Sometimes she misses talking to me
-Wants to just be friends
-Is over me
-Will talk to me when we're at college


Oh, if I didn't make it clear, we are both going to the same college.


Now I don't know what to do. Honestly, I know her better than anyone (she's admitted that time and again) and I truly feel that she has feelings for me and that in college when we start talking things will workout, but I don't know if I'm just lying to myself? SHe's said these things many times before though and my thought is that actions speak louder than words....and her actions when we talk are much more than friends sometimes....

Congratulations and thank you for reading all of this. Please...give me advice.

[kitkitkitty]

wow, i'm really quite proud of myself for reading that. i honestly think that she means what she said to her mate about just wanting to be friends as all of this is obviously really rocky. you're close, but i'd say stay friends if you contact her. don't try to get dragged in again as you both know what's gona happen. it'll spare both of your feelings and you can FINALLY move on.