Is it time to break up? (kinda long, sorry)

[DarklingThrush]

I don't normally air my relationship problems but I'm completely stumped with this and the only honest advice I've received so far is to dump him but I don't know if I want to do that. =( This is rather long but I want to give you all the information since this has been a bit of an ongoing thing. Sorry for the length.

I've been with my boyfriend officially for about 8 months. We dated for a few months and, since I was in a bit of a jam financially and looking for a roommate, he decided to move in with me. Some people thought it was a bit early but different strokes for different folks and everything was cool. He lived with his parents still (kinda bugged me a bit but it was his choice) and I thought that he also wanted to get out of his parent's house as well as be with me.

I know at first you're in a honeymoon phase and everything is cool but I let him know that there was no pressure for him to move in and I could find someone else but he said he really wanted to be with me so I let him. We split everything down the middle and every thing was fine, both relationship and financially.

One thing I really noticed is that he blew off his friends alot and hung out with me, which was flattering at first but then I started feeling a bit weird and let him know that he was welcome to hang out with his friends and that I wanted him to hang out with them. I mean, they're his friends and all (lol). I don't have a lot of local friends due to them either turning weird >_> or moving away so I don't go out too often but I tend to be a loner anyway and don't notice it. But I made sure he knew that I was totally fine with him doing other things.

Well, in August, around the end of the month, he started getting very reserved and quiet, not really being there when he was there. Then he randomly came out and said that he wasn't happy living with me and felt that we moved in too soon. This came as a surprise because I just thought that he was preoccupied with his job. We had a huge discussion and it came out that, despite me telling him that I wanted him to hang with his friends, he let on with his friends that I was a super control freak and made him hang out with me all the time. !!! I was totally shocked. I couldn't believe he would do something like that. It was the exact opposite of who I am. I had only met his friends once and tried really hard to make a good impression and was crushed that this was going on.

I was super upset and, after we talked things over the next day, he said he was sorry and didn't want to move out, saying it was motivated by him wanted to hang out with his friends more. I'm a forgiving person (or maybe just dumb =/ ) so I let it go, even though it hurt.

And everything seemed cool, for about a month. I went out with my friends one night and he went with his friends. I got home first and was just chilling out when he came home and was all serious and brought up moving out again. It was another surprise since he said everything was fine but we discussed it and decided that he could try temporarily moving out and see what happened. So he moves back with his parents and I, while sad, gave it a chance.

For a week, it was like I didn't exist to him. I'd text him (neither of us are phone callers so text messages are cool) and he'd maybe text me back, maybe not. A couple days I got nothing from him and, exercising restraint, I didn't text him till he texted me. This was definitely not working for me.

***please note before you read this part- I was more concerned with my brother at the time. Since he is home and doing well, I looked back on this to figure out what is going on with my bf***
Unfortunately, my brother was in a very bad car accident and was in the hospital at the end of that week. He is okay now (thank god!!!) but he was in the emergency room and after I was told he was in the hospital, I called my bf to let him know. My bf rushed to pick me up since I was very upset and he didn't want me to drive when I was so upset about my brother (crying a lot and driving during morning rush hour don't mix) and he was there until my brother was stable in the ICU.

However, after my brother had his surgery, my bf became elusive again- not replying to texts, not really making an effort. After my brother was able to go back home, I brought this up with my bf about how he seemed so distant and he said it was because he thought I wasn't okay with him moving out. I explained that I wasn't super happy about it but that I cared about him and was giving it a chance. We seemed okay for another week but now it's back to him being distant. I texted him a couple days ago and yesterday but he didn't reply. I'm a bit sensitive to people being in an accident or something (since my brother and all) and called him twice to find out if he was okay but it rang and then went to voice mail. I know he's been having some problems with his phone dying and not getting texts/calls (or that's what he tells me =x ) but I also know that it rings for me if it rings for him so he's just not picking up. Since we're a texting couple, it's clear that if the other person calls, it's a definitely pickup the phone thing because it's not that we'll chat, we just want to know if there is something wrong. (he called me before when I didn't text him back to make sure I was okay)

And this is where I'm at.

I'm not sure what to do. This is my second relationship (silly isn't it?) and I don't know if I'm paranoid or not worrying enough or what. I want to be with him because I care about him but I'm concerned that he's not into me anymore. My last relationship, the guy told me that he loved me up to the moment he broke up with me so I told my current bf to not pull that kind of crap- if you don't care about me, don't tell me you do. He still says he loves me and stuff but now I'm starting to wonder.

Sorry for the length. I just needed to paint the whole picture. >.< Please, I need advice though.

[Bumble_bee]

have you guys got together since he moved out? how long has it been since this happened?

IMHO you should dump him....this guy sounds like he cares for you, but doesn't know how to tell you directly that he wants out. good for you for being understanding, letting him have his space, but don't let this turn into you making all the effort and him not doing anything to keep the relationship going.

[trisha]

hey gurl

I know you're sad but cheer up! it's not the end of the world...If I'm in your situation right now, I would probably be calling him every second until he would pick up the phone BUT that actuation would probably scare him more...guys are like that, the more you try to patch up things if there's a problem, the more they would drift away...

so the best thing that you should do is TRY not to worry about him (though i know it's the hardest thing to do as of the moment)..just pretend that you can handle things smoothly by your own. Stop texting him nor calling him, and eventually he would wonder the SILENCE from you...he's the one who moved out , it's his decision, give him the space that he wants....

soon if he really cares for you, he would be crawling back to you and would beg to move in with you again...

good luck girl...cheer up!

[DarklingThrush]

He's only been moved out since the middle of last month. I really care about him but it just feels it's one thing after another. He contacted me on Sunday telling me that he lost his phone sometime last week and didn't find it until then. He came over and we barely hung out. We were supposed to hang out Monday but he said he was sick- and he's been sick all week. But even though he's sick, it's not like he can't text me (I'm not saying a million a day or something- just a couple telling me if he's better or not). He barely does.

It's so hard. I really do like him and don't want to lose him but I don't want to be treated like this.

I mean, how is a boyfriend supposed to treat his girlfriend? It's such a stupid question but I don't know if this is how it's supposed to be like or if what he's doing isn't right. I don't even feel like he wants to be around me.

[kapneb92]

We had a huge discussion and it came out that, despite me telling him that I wanted him to hang with his friends, he let on with his friends that I was a super control freak and made him hang out with me all the time. !!! I was totally shocked. I couldn't believe he would do

Who's the real control freak?

[DarklingThrush]

Who's the real control freak?

I'm not sure if you're trying to imply me or something but I certainly don't control him in anyway. I love when people in any forum make sweeping, one sentence statements and then don't explain themselves.

[kapneb92]

Apologies. I'm implying perhaps HE is the one controlling YOU. He leads you on, puts you down, and has you worrying about him 90% of the time. It may hurt you to hear this, but maybe think about it for a while.
EDIT:
Also, when one characterizes someone behind the others back, it tends to reflect their own character. It's sort of an unconscious release of guilt. So I'm guessing he knows what's really going on.

[DarklingThrush]

I'm sorry I got my back up. I'm used to gaming forums where people tend to be super rude all the time. >.< Sorry.

Maybe you're right. I do let him control me in a way. I guess I'm stupid like that- waiting for him to text me, pushing aside my friends to be with him in case he wants to see me since he decides at the last minute. You're right. I feel pretty stupid. =/