Hi Girls, I was wondering if you might be able to understand my ex, of course everyone is different I understand but I would like an alternative opinion.
I’ll try keep it short:
I was in a relationship for 9 months of which the last 3 were long-distance as she had to move back to her own country. After going to see her in September for 5 days, she broke up with me on the last day and cried her eyes out.
There wasn’t a single clear reason for doing so but on reflection she seemed to have many doubts about the distance and how we would cope as she was due to start uni a couple of weeks later.
3/4 days after the breakup she says she thinks she rushed the decision and did in fact want to try while she was starting uni, I rushed back into it (which I shouldn’t have done but I was freshly heartbroken) and then another week later she broke up again after having a shitty entrance exam which she thought she had failed.
We spoke for a week longer then I told her I couldn’t speak anymore because it was keeping my hopes up and I went NC for a month.
At the end of the month I broke NC as I couldn’t bare it and we began to speak about once a week and over the next 2 months she said a few different things including:
She missed me
Still loved me (and wanted to prove it)
Her best friends said it was the worst decision of her life
She admitted to maybe making a mistake and I told her I didn’t think she knew what she wanted, but she replied saying she wanted to be with me. She said she could come to my country for a day in February so we could talk about things but when it got closer to actually having to take action and book eurostar tickets she didn’t seem to be ‘trying’ particularly hard.
Around this time she has also just started to revise intensely for January exams.
I asked how she felt about things and she said she wasn’t sure she could change some of the problems we had been speaking about and that she didn’t know if it was a good idea for her to come and speak to me. She said she didn’t want to get together and then have to stop again in 4 months.I was really disappointed and we decided not to speak for now, she said she thought she was lost. Next day I found out that she had stopped replying to me that night because she was so upset that she physically threw up.
I told her that only if she was 100% confident about what she wanted then we could talk again and we haven’t spoken since then.
Why was she so upset if she wasn’t even putting the effort in to reconcile?
Why do I feel like a yo-yo?
It feels like whenever she encounters stress in her life (first: moving to uni – we break up and second: revising hard for exams and she stops putting effort in) I seem to bear the brunt?
She responds very badly to stress and I feel like we could actually have a good shot at a second chance if she was only a bit more positive and as willing to work on things as I am. I am really determined to make it work and I’ve identified the problems we had and how to try and go about fixing/accepting them.
Only in the past 2 weeks really has she turned around and I’m having a very hard time getting her to open-up and discuss things like adults, she feels very emotionally immature to me but I want to understand exactly what she is feeling.
I have fallen more in love with her in the past 2 weeks so it is terrible timing for her to drop this on me again and I probably need to back-off for now but if anyone is willing to give an opinion then it would be much appreciated! Feel free to ask any questions as well!
Thanks!