Hi there, this is the first time I have posted, thankyou in advance
I am in a real mess. My boyfriend and I have been together since 19. I am his first girlfriend, we moved in together, along with three other friends, straight after uni.
We have just both hit 25. About three months ago, he got in with a new crowd of work friends, and started enjoying a social life beyond our shared circle for the first time since we got together (something I have always been lucky enough to have anyway)
He started going out with them more and more, always drinking, making it clear girlfriends were not invited to work things, and being hungover when and if we did have time together. Stupidly, because I was scared bring up what was happening would definitely finish us, I ignored it. One night, he got home at 5am, so drunk he could barely speak. The next day he was weird. He told me he had kissed a work colleague the night before, and that he did it as he was freaking out. He 'wasn't sure' about us, because he had never had a chance to be an adult on his own, he kept thinking about how tied down he was and all the stuff he'd missed out on, like travelling (he knows I would never have stood in his way of that; thats another issue though!).
I moved out the flat straight away. Within three days he wanted me back, was sorry, ready to
Commit, and could we get our own place in 6 months when my new lease ran out please?
He is basically offering everything I want. He is the sort of guy who doesn't make
Decisions lightly, and I trust that this 'freak out' has clarified things for him. It's hard to be with someone for so long, especially for a boy! I know he won't cheat again, people make mistakes and ibkbow ge has learnt from it.
I want to forgive and forget but I can't. I picture it constantly. Wonder if he looked at her like he does at me etc etc. I know it happened because they found themselves alone at a bus stop (he had never had a conversation with her before that night), she divulged some personal secrets, he asked why she was doing that, she said 'because I like you' he said 'I like you too' and they then kissed 'for a second'. I just can't work out if it was emotional, or a friendly thing that went too far. I'm not sure it even matters.
I can't go on with this in my head, but I so badly want it to go away. Anyone any advice on how to deal with this? Has anyone worked through something similar?
Thank you xx
Ps sorry for typos, I am on holiday at the moment; using my iPhone! xx