victim of circumstance

[pineapple612]

This may sound strange but I ended a relationship with a woman almost three years ago now and I cannot forget her at all. It was a complicated situation from the start. For now I'll just outline the story without going into detail.

When we met (about four years ago) she and I were both already involved with other people but were unhappy, and after working together for about three months we unexpectedly fell in love. We decided to end our current relationships to be together. In the process, however, the person I was with became very ill and needy and it seemed to me to be wrong to abandon her in those circumstances. I intended to stay with her until she recovered, but it took so long that the new woman lost patience and gave up on me.

About three months later I wrote to her (the new woman) to tell her that even though at the time I thought I was doing the right thing by staying behind, I missed her so much - I was constant emotional pain , couldn't sleep at night, etc. -that I wanted to somehow reconnect and recover what we had lost. But by then she had lost interest and had returned to her old relationship, intending to make it work. I said, ok, but please let me know if you change your mind. Well, that was two and a half years ago and she hasn't changed her mind. I don't know what to do. I can't undo the past, and I feel like I lost my chance for happiness in this life.

Any thoughts?

[lahnnabell]

Wow... well, you made a choice. I'm sorry to say that it seems you're kind of stuck with it now. She made a choice as well. That she didn't want to wait for you. 'Cause let's face it, she had no freakin' clue how long you'd be with this other chick.

I think it's rather messed up that you stayed with her because she got ill. Lucky for you it seems that she didn't pick up on any break-up foreshadowing (because there always is some indication it's gonna go down). Or perhaps she did and was just too busy focusing on getting well to care what you did. But I mean, you lied to this girl. I'm sure she had family and friends that would've helped her along.

You're gonna have to make an honest attempt to move on. I mean, going back to this "new girl" and saying, "Look, I know we should've been together, but I just had this one last thing to wrap up with my ex. But she's all better now, so I broke it off, and I want you!" Sounds really lame, dude.

[Gigabitch]

If you had left your girlfriend for the new girl, you'd be feeling guilty and thinking "What if?", wondering if you had made a terrible mistake, etc. and blaming the inevitable relationship problems you'd have with the new girl (they're inescapable- we all have them) on the fact that you made a bad choice, etc.

Why? Because you're one of those people that only wants what they can't have. Forget her. She's gone. Focus on your REAL life and your REAL girlfriend.