Sexually Impotent SOMEONE HELP!

[Krissykris]

Hey all! I'm hoping someone can enlighten me on my issue here.


I'm 24 yr old female and I've been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years.

When we first started going out, I was easily turned on and the sex was good. Although throughout the years I've only been ate out 8 times cause I HATE it (never have liked it with previous boyfriends too), fingering just leaves me numb down there.
For the last year it's DYING! I can't get turned on anymore AT ALL! It's not my boyfriend either, he's sexy as hell, when I look at him I REALLY looooove what I see same with his down below especially! But when he touches me to get me in the mood, I don't like it at all. Not saying I don't like him touching me, I love it when we cuddle ect, but when I know he wants to have sex or fool around I cringe at the touch and I feel trapped like someone is molesting me!....... We've had to resort to me using my vibrator to get me turned on, then I'm "okay" from then, never really turned on though.Sometimes I just endure sex and fake it so he can get something!

I feel absolutely horrid for being impotent and my poor guy thinks he sucks in bed that he can't turn on his own girlfriend. I've cried so many times. I even started to think it's him, but the more I think about it the less I think it's him, I think it's me.

I don't get this part though, when I look at him in the shower ect. I get turned on and want to have sex, but then as soon as I go over and we start touching I'm not horny anymore.

I'm not on birth control or any pills that would decrease my sex drive either.

Anyone else had this problem?

[vashti]

A great deal of sexual interest comes from the brain, and not the vagina. I think it's possible you just are so stressed out about it all, you are conditioning yourself to be turned off.

Alternately, your body may just be expresing that he isn't very skilled. (sorry)

Can you bring yourself to orgasm, either during sex or when alone? Girls who orgasm usually love sex.

[Di741111]

Maybe you are tired or stressed out from other things (work, family stuff, etc), I know when I am tired or stressed, i cant get turned on.
i think you should stop thinking about this sex thing, and when he touches you and stuff, just let him do it, and relax, see how it goes, cause sometimes the more you think about it, the harder to get turned on.
And another thing, try to have foreplay as long as you can, cause the longer fore play is, the better sex will be (the best times me and my bf have is always when we do a lot of foreplay)
Hope this helps, they work for me, but good luck!

[lahnnabell]

I think vashti hit a good point. You say the sex was good, but you never said anything about whether or not you orgasm. Do you? Now that I've had my fair share of skilled lovers, any guy that doesn't pick up the slack really quickly leaves me bored very quickly.

Even guys that were very loving during sex and took their time didn't get me off. This was mostly due to a lack of foreplay and their willingness to explore. I quickly dropped them, even if it meant I was stuck with my vibrator. At least I knew lil' vibey would get me off.

I used to hate being eaten out too. I thought it was me and that my body just didn't respond to that kind of stimulation. That all changed when a magical man entered my life. Well, he actually turned out to be a bit of a douche, but his tongue was magical. After years of having unskilled boys lapping at my crotch like a dog at his water bowl, this guy had me writing around in ecstasy in 5 minutes flat. I was like, "Holy sh*t! Where did you come from?!" Since then it has become essential that a man know how to eat me out. My current guy loves going down on me and can very quickly assess my physical responses to figure out what I'm in the mood for.

There's an interesting Nina Hartley video floating around on the internet that teaches how to eat p****. It's very in depth and detailed as she is talking and showing you how on an actual woman

[chump4u]

Even guys that were very loving during sex and took their time didn't get me off. This was mostly due to a lack of foreplay and their willingness to explore. I quickly dropped them, even if it meant I was stuck with my vibrator.

You know, Lahnnabell, I heard say, once upon a time, long ago, that there's more to personal relationships than just sex. Silly thought, isn't it?

[Heratriumphant]

Krissy,

This may seem off the wall but given the way your describing the sitch it may help.

Your bf MUST agree to try this before you start, do NOT try this without asking him
first. That said, every guy I've talked to is totally into the idea (at least occasional).

You take control. Go watch him shower if that's what gets you going. Tell your bf that he is under no circumstances to touch you unless you tell him to, but you are going to touch him, suck him, ride him exactly the way YOU want to.

You're in charge, you aren't trapped, you aren't pressured, you get to seek your pleasure and power at the same time.

[lahnnabell]

You know, Lahnnabell, I heard say, once upon a time, long ago, that there's more to personal relationships than just sex. Silly thought, isn't it?

Well, I didn't mean she should just drop the guy. And those guys that I "dropped" as I put it, were casual dating circumstances or hook-ups. Once I'm really interested in someone, yes, it becomes more than just sex that attracts me. HOWEVER, sex and intimacy is important in a relationship and a couple needs to be on the same page or someone ends up hurt and resentful.

[sookie6]

I would say that in spite of how you think you feel for your bfriend there is something in him that is putting you off.
Since it used to work well between you two before and for some time...I would say that either he has done something in the past that is still bothering you (you might consciously feel it is a resolved issue but it is not) or either you are no longer attracted to him.
Sometimes we go out with someone because we like them...sex is good because it it new and you 're young and all hormonally driven and yes these feelings can be mistaken for love...and attraction...
Just my 2 cents...