So there's this girl (lengthy).

[some dork]

Okay, so, first, a bit of background: I'm the classic shy introverted loser in pretty much every respect that matters. I'm also a college freshman living the dorm lifestyle. Last semester, my first semester here, I was vaguely depressed most of the time and so late at night or in the early hours of the morning I would wander the halls listening to music and thinking typical stupid depressing thoughts. I kept to myself; didn't really talk to anyone.

One night when I'm walking around I run into this hot girl who suddenly asks me, point-blank, whether or not I'm depressed, pining for my childhood and simpler days before college, because she's totally seen me walking around all the time. She kind of freaks me out, because that was EXACTLY what I was doing, right down to the pining; I was left with the kind of bizarre impression that she can see right through me. So I tell her no, I'm fine, and we exchange pleasantries and she leaves and I leave.

We met again some few weeks later; I stammered my way through a conversation and apologized for my weird sentence structure (I'm so cripplingly shy, especially around attractive girls, that I don't often make a lot of sense.) She said, "no, I -love- the way you talk, it's just like the way I write. Do you write?" And I said, yeah, I like writing, and she said, okay, cool, and left.

The next time, she asked me again about the writing thing and says that sometime she'd totally like to read my stuff. I tell her I'll have to give her the draft of this (shitty) novel I'm writing sometime; she says that sounds pretty great.

THE NEXT TIME: she's standing way over at one end of a hallway waiting for me to approach, and when I do she says, "hey, are you doing anything this weekend? We should hang out. We can talk about writing and also about how we're depressed." I manage to get out that I'd definitely be into hanging out with her, and she says, "great, do you have a cell phone?" and I fumble for mine but then she suddenly says "OH, WAIT, I DON'T HAVE MY CELL PHONE WITH ME. BUT IT'S OKAY, I'M SURE I'LL SEE YOU AROUND BEFORE THIS WEEKEND."

The weekend comes and goes, and -naturally- I don't run into her. By this time, of course, I'm no longer walking around because I'm depressed but solely because I want to run into her.

I plug her name into facebook and find her AIM address, sending her a friendly message saying, "hey, you know that guy who wanders around the dorms at midnight, the one people think is insane? I'm him!" I get no response.

Two or three weeks later, I run into her in the hallway again, and she says, "hey, we never hung out that weekend, we should do that!" Then she adds, "also, I got your instant message and, frankly, it kind of disappointed me." And I think: the hell?

She drags me to her dorm room and starts lecturing me about how the fact that I think people think I'm insane shows that I lack self-esteem. She says that I just need someone who can boost my confidence, and that I also need friends to hang out with, and that I should take care of that. She adds, I'll totally give you my e-mail address so you can e-mail me the draft of that novel you said you'd send me, too, but she doesn't actually give it to me, even though I'm right in her dorm room and, uh, I'm pretty sure she could have if she had really wanted to. I chalk it up to either absentmindedness or mind games on her part and leave.

This girl and I - we're on the same academic path, sort of thing, which means that we share two classes. They're large classes, so I rarely actually see her, though one day leaving class I'm listening to music and I see her out of the corner of my eye and I see that she's apparently staring at me but not saying anything.

I meet her again in the dorm hallway later, at the beginning of the week just prior to spring break. I'm listening to my headphones again. She suddenly says, "I saw you the other day wearing those headphones and almost talked to you but you looked busy. You know what? I have a friend who has a security blanket that she needs all the time. Your headphones are like a security blanket. You shouldn't wear them like that. They're holding you back from socializing. And you're good at socializing, you just don't realize it. I mean, you're such a sweet guy! And you have great hair!" I say, "um," because that's the kind of thing I usually say.

"See," she says, "posture is important. Take your hands out of your pockets. And look up at me. Not over there. Look at me. Look into my eyes. Eye contact."

We then kind of hold eye contact for, like, four or five seconds, and we laugh. Then suddenly a friend of hers appears out of nowhere and she's like, "see you later."

Two days later, I finish the rough draft of my novel and send it to her via facebook pm. I get no response.

I should note, also, that over this time I intermittently sent her IMs, and she only actually replied to less than half of them, and even then it was at great length.

The night before the last day of classes before spring break, I'm (for me, rarely) hanging out with some people in their room; I'm sleep-deprived from cramming for midterms and sleep deprivation makes me slightly more social. She walks into these guys' room and sits on their couch next to me and asks if she can braid my hair. (Yeah, I'm one of those weird males with shoulderblade-length hair). I say, uh, sure, and she does. Then there's a lot of (I think) accidental touching of my arm and so forth. I don't talk to her much because the other guys are dominating the conversation talking about what-the-hell ever.

At one point she says, "I started reading that thing you sent me, I read the first part already, it's pretty awesome," and I say, uh, thanks. Then she leaves and so do I. I, drunk on my sleep deprivation, send her a really weird facebook pm saying something to the effect of "we should hang out sometime, you strike me as the kind of person I could talk to" or something completely retarded like that. I regretted sending it right after doing so.

The last day of school prior to spring break, I went to take a last exam and walking out of the exam room I, yes, see her AGAIN, she took the same test, we talk briefly about how much it sucked and leave.

Over spring break I send her a couple of random IMs that go ignored. I am paranoid that perhaps she read my weird message and decided I was too weird/desperate/clingy/whatever, but one day I say something like, "I love all these one-sided conversations I have with you," and she suddenly says, "oh god, please, I hate AIM because I'm too lazy to type. I'm unreliable at the internet thing!" I then see a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY and ask her if she's good at the cell phone thing and, if so, what her number is. She gives it to me but then says "I usually don't pick up" and signs off.

Being the pansy I am, I keep her number but am way too terrified to call her. I mean, what if she doesn't pick up? What if, worse, she DOES pick up?

Spring break was last week. I spent a lot of time wrestling with and confronting the fact that I had become kind of infatuated with this girl. I had no idea whether she had been expressing interest in me or whether she had just been friendly, but thoughts of the situation were kind of torturing me.

So one day I looked myself in the mirror and said, "stop being so retarded. Walk up to her one day when you get back and tell her how you feel! Yeah! That's it!"

So now I'm back in college. Monday passed - I didn't run into her. Tuesday, we had a class together but she wasn't there, though she'd mentioned having a terrible headache the night before, in an IM, so I guess that had something to do with it.

Tonight I went walking around and ran into a mutual acquaintance. We talked about some lab that the three of us were all enrolled in and he was all, "man, the prelabs are going to suck," and I said, "yeah," and then he mentioned that the girl probably had them done, so he picked up his cell phone and casually called her, and, uh, she didn't pick up. "Damn it," he said, "let's wander around the dorms until we find her." We do this, him craning his head into every lounge and study room, and still no dice. "Oh well," he said. "Looks like we'll have to do all that work anyway."

I don't know why that affected me so strongly.

I guess it had to do with watching the guy be so confident and self-assured with, you know, calling this girl and looking for this girl, two things that I prtty much couldn't really do except in a really passive way. It only made me more determined.

But - and here's the problem - determined to do WHAT?

The class I'd been kind of hoping to see her in on Tuesday meets again on Thursday. I think she...should be there? If she is, I'm trying to talk myself into doing something BOLD AND DARING like intercepting her as she's leaving, even if it's with her friends.

Would it be weird if I asked her, "can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

And then what would I say? I don't want to come off as too weird. I'm not going to tell her I'm INFATUATED with her, more like, you know, I kind of like her, becasue she's so, uh, perceptive? That she has, for some reason or another, totally figured me out vis-a-vis my lack of confidence/social skills/whatever? Should I ask her to go do something? I mean, I don't know! I have little experience in talking to girls! IS she interested in me or is this bizarre wishful thinking on my part that will all end in tears? Is it bad that she's apparently already got me pegged as shy dude who can't interact with people normally?

It's 1:49 AM; I have lab at 9:00 tomorrow morning, so I'll stop here. I apologize for the length.

[Only-virgins]

Cliff notes please. Anyone.

[Illusional]

wow that was a lot of engery that you put into this one thread. now imagine how much of that wasted engery could've been used in talking to that girl. i suggest that you stop dicking around and step to the plate. she's hinting that she wants to get to know you, but she doesn't want to do all the work. she wants someone who will alteast meet her half way so he is throwing out hints. at the same time, she doesn't want to make things too easy and wants to challenge you. keep that in mind when she's starring at you.

raverboy

[Lloyd95]

Cliff notes please. Anyone.

+1.

good grief, who is going to read all that?!

[Tone]

I read it. Only because I didn't check the length before I started reading.

Listen guy, "depressed" guys like you piss me off. You sit around and mop and cry about how bad your life is.. and then a ****in GOLDEN opportunity comes up like this and you STILL complain.. You're sad and depressed and out of no where this beautiful girl starts talking to you and shows A LOT of interest in you.. and you're still ****in around???

Come on man get it together. Don't be afraid to go after what you want. Opportunities like this don't come often, and I assure you - you will be kicking yourself later on if you let this pass you by. YES - talk to her when you see her Thursday.. don't say anything like "I like you.. I'm infatuated with you.." just say "So listen I'm tired of just talkin about hangin out.. I hope you don't have plans for Saturday, and if you do - I hope they will understand - because we are going to <dosomethingtogether>"

You both seem kind of artsy, so maybe plan somethin artsy to go do. Take her to dinner.. do anything besides sit around and make this girl make ALL the moves here. You're the man, she gave you the green light... GO FOR IT.. you have NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to gain.

<Insert my 'Rejection is better than Regret' speech here>

[some dork]

Yeah, thanks. I'm aware that I'm pretty spineless and that it's kind of pathetic, and I know that if she's actually showing interest in me her patience won't last forever. I just need to build up motivation, and I think I have some subconscious fear that she'll laugh me off or something that I need to overcome.

I'm just not really familiar with the mechanics of what I'm trying to do here. I have never had a girlfriend or anything like that, and I could count the number of times I've hung out with a member of the opposite sex on zero hands. I guess I'm doubting my ability to not screw this up in a big way and let myself get all like, emotionally damaged.

The length - yeah, sorry. It's a bad habit of mine.

[BlueRaven]

Tone's right. How much easier could this get? It's a golden opprotunity. It sounds to me like all you need to worry about is not screwing it up. Rejection is way better than regret... and if everything you put in that full length novel post of yours is true, than you shouldn't have to worry about being rejected unless you do something stupid. Go for it. Have some balls and ask her to do something with you this weekend. You've got absolutely nothing to lose.

[RogerWilco]

If you don't take her out this weekend, I will, and I can't promise she and I won't get it on.

[Tone]

Yeah, thanks. I'm aware that I'm pretty spineless and that it's kind of pathetic, and I know that if she's actually showing interest in me her patience won't last forever.

First, I'm not gonna call you "some dork" so now you're Timmy. Listen Timmy, it's not pathetic - you're NORMAL. Almost every single guy on the planet was like you at first... scared! Until we test the waters and get some experience we let our insecurities totally control how we act around the opposite sex. All fear and insecurity do is cause you to miss great opportunities. Don't let them control you.

I just need to build up motivation, and I think I have some subconscious fear that she'll laugh me off or something that I need to overcome.

And if she does... so what?? Sure it will suck for a couple hours/days.. but you'll move on and in the long run it won't mean anything. Whereas if you do nothing it could haunt you for who knows how long. You're looking at a short-term defeat vs a long-term defeat.

And I highly doubt she would laugh you off.. if anything she should respect the fact you went after what you want.. something MOST guys DON'T do. It's something to feel proud about, not embarrassed.

Think about it. If she says no, you can move on with your life knowing she's just one of the 9 billion girls on the planet that you aren't suppose to be with. You get a little bit of experience with talking to girls and flirting/asking out. And you will build your confidence knowing that if you ask a girl out, and she says no - contrary to popular belief - the universe will NOT explode. And from the sounds of things - she's not even going to say no! She sounds interested in you.. has mentioned hanging out.. I'd be willing to bet the reason she seems to be so distant afterwards.. is because she doesn't want to have to do EVERYTHING herself... she's probably giving you an opportunity to show HER exactly how interested you are.. how far you're willing to go..

I'm just not really familiar with the mechanics of what I'm trying to do here. I have never had a girlfriend or anything like that, and I could count the number of times I've hung out with a member of the opposite sex on zero hands. I guess I'm doubting my ability to not screw this up in a big way and let myself get all like, emotionally damaged.

The length - yeah, sorry. It's a bad habit of mine.

No worries, we've definately seen longer.

Timmy, the only way you're going to be emotionally damaged is if you let your fear and insecurities cause you to miss this wonderful opportunity laid out in front of you. We only live once. When all is said in done what will it matter if you end up looking dumb in front of her? If you fumble your words around, will it matter in the end? OF COURSE not... it's not going to even matter 2 weeks later!! You have to remind yourself of stuff like this anytime you get nervous around someone. They're just another human being.

You don't have to make it all super fancy, or anything you're not comfortable with - but definately get more aggressive with this, find something you think the two of you would enjoy doing and be able to have a chance at conversation with, and ask her to hang out. Be persistant, but not to the point where it's annoying, but make sure she knows you're interested in her, and not going to give up easy.