Hi all - I'm new here. *waves*
Im a bit stuck with some things in my relationship. Im not sure what to do. I've been with this guy 5 months now, and he is generally very nice in many ways, and we have tons in common. However -
The first problem is my guy can be very self centred and controlling. Its his way or the highway with most things and he wont give in or discuss them once he's decided. I have to accept it or leave. He is sometimes quite rude and cruel about it. If I argue, I get huge wrath from him. He is very independent and has this air of not really caring if Im with him or not. Yet he says he loves me and one day wants to settle down and so far so good, etc. This hardness in him is very tough to swallow. I tried to talk to him about it but he says thats the way he is. And yet he also has a soft cuddly side - but only on his terms. Its making me jumpy and nervous around him because I never know which mood he is in!
The other thing is that he is still friends with several of his ex girlfriends, and also has lots of other woman-friends, whom he mails and text's often and they do to him. Sometimes there are sexual jokes. And he is very protective of the communication with them and wont let me see them and had a fit when I wanted to. I dont like that he seems to want this so private - it makes me wonder if he has secrets. And when I mail or sms him he very often doesnt reply or ignores them altogether. This is making me feel very left out and insecure as it makes me feel insignificant, not important enough/as his friends. His guy friends also get replied to. When I mentioned how I felt, I was told Im jealous and jealousy creates hate. Perhaps I am jealous...but only because I feel undervalued and not special to him. He is making me feel very dispensible!
I love him lots and love his good sides and otherwise we enjoy each other, but what do I do about these things? I dont know how to make myself not feel, not care about them - or even if I should be trying to do that!!
I read Blue's thread and am worried that I am competitive and jealous and insecure and its all me and theres nothing wrong with what he's doing. But I feel sad and hurt and dont know what to do about it! Help?