Staying a Virgin?

[AgentWinter]

Hey, how do girls perceive a guy that is a virgin?

I guess it really depends on the girl... I've chosen to stay a virgin so far because I think making love is a sacred thing to be saved for someone I am in love with. I guess staying a virgin is rare, for both guys and girls (I'm in my 20's). I haven't really pursued girls much in my life, busy with college and work, plus relationships are expensive emotionally and financially and I didn't feel it was worth the risk of heartbreak.

Recently I moved to a big city, where there are a lot more girls that could interest me. I've never really had a girlfriend, first girl I was in love with was when I was a teenager, and she lived far away from me so it was not possible to have a relationship. Second girl I cared about didn't care about me, so that didn't work out. Both searingly painful. The last experience has left me questioning if I want to open up again or even look for a real relationship. I'm thinking I may want to make friends but not take it further.

It seems some girls can figure out a guy is a virgin, I don't know exactly how. Is this unappealing to a girl? Do you think this may create roadblocks to making friendships with girls? It's not like girls are going to tell me "you seem like a virgin, I don't want to talk to you", lol.

What are your thoughts?

[vashti]

Some girls will be put off by your virginity status, but the kind of girl you are looking for will appreciate it. I assume you are religious; I suggest you check out religious girls.

BTW - almost all relationships end painfully. If you are not willing to risk experiencing pain, you will die alone (and a virgin). That would be really sad.

[AgentWinter]

Some girls will be put off by your virginity status, but the kind of girl you are looking for will appreciate it. I assume you are religious; I suggest you check out religious girls.

BTW - almost all relationships end painfully. If you are not willing to risk experiencing pain, you will die alone (and a virgin). That would be really sad.

Actually, I'm not really religious. I have participated in religions, but I don't like the rule-oriented lifestyle of religious people. I use profanity a fair amount... I'm not really the squeaky clean religious type. I just think the ideal of losing your virginity to a girl you are really in love with is worth it... though I'm starting to wonder if I'll hang onto that ideal. I don't fall in love very easily.

I'm just kinda wondering what the perception is by girls of a guy that's a virgin... I mean, is it seen as uptight? Or what? Or doesn't it matter? It seems like it does... girls can tell somehow it seems like? If you are not friends with them to sleep with them, what should it matter? Is my situation unusual?

EDIT: I might add, the girls being religious in my experience can mean very little, a lot of church going girls I've known were rather sexually active. Sometimes more so. It seems opposite of what one might think, considering.

[Junket]

It's all about how you present yourself.

You're gonna look uptight if you act uptight.

I'm comfortable talking about sex and girls in public, casual conversation, yet I'm still a virgin.

If you avoid talking about sex, if you avoid talking about bein' a virgin, yes you'll seem uptight. When people ask me why I'm still a virgin, it's not that I'm waiting for that "special someone", or waiting for marriage. It's not that I don't care for sex either.

Sure I'd love to have sex, I don't believe I need marriage for sex. However I am cautious about who I share it with, and how I share it with them. Shit, if I wanted to screw something, there's plenty 'round me for me to screw.

[AgentWinter]

Interesting... how old are you Frasbee? Is this unusual, to be a virgin and not be religious? I don't see any point in being secretive about it, it's not like I've never had the opportunity. It's by choice. I just wonder if it might be seen as a big turnoff, especially by sexually active girls.

[vashti]

I don't mean to imply that I think that religious girls are more moral than the rest; I just think they are more likely to know a higher number of 20+ year old virgins.

Is it an unusual status? Maybe a little, but not freakishly unusual. I think some *very* sexually active girls might see it as a turn-off because it may make them feel a little ashamed that they didn't value their virginity as much as you did. Anyway, how would you feel about hving sex with a girl that has had sex with other males, maybe even several *different* ones?

[AgentWinter]

Anyway, how would you feel about hving sex with a girl that has had sex with other males, maybe even several *different* ones?

Honestly I'm not sure, I don't usually think about a girl from that perspective, since that is not my objective. Seems like I've known quite a few players, guys and girls. Since I haven't had sex, I'm not even sure if I know what it is to relate to girl in that way. I sure as hell didn't know what being in love was, until it happened to me. I remember when I was like 10, and watching people act so weird about each other, and not understanding it. Then it happened to me... and I finally understood. Lol. I know I can sometimes sense when a girl has slept with a guy she's with, not sure why. Like I see someone start dating, and then at some point I know it went further. So I guess the honest answer is I don't know how I feel, since I don't know what it is to relate to someone in that way. What matters to me is loyalty, if I were with a girl I'd stick with that girl only, and expect the same. I don't know if I care what her history is.

Edit: Hmm... ashamed of herself? That's an interesting perspective. I'm more worried about her thinking I'm uptight and no fun. Or her feeling uncomfortable, sensing a separation since she's experienced something I don't really understand having not experienced it. Or am I totally off base with this kind of thinking?

[jurupa]

Interesting... how old are you Frasbee? Is this unusual, to be a virgin and not be religious? I don't see any point in being secretive about it, it's not like I've never had the opportunity. It's by choice. I just wonder if it might be seen as a big turnoff, especially by sexually active girls.

I don't think it is that unusal in todays world to be a virgin and not religious. I am a virgin and not religious by any means. Yes it can be a turn off to some girls while others may be turned on by it, much like some guys are by girls that are virgins.

AgentWinter your going to get various reactions from girls. So there is no clear answer to give you, as some will respect you, or be turned off, others may laugh at you, etc.

[AgentWinter]

I personally don't know any virgins over 20. Interesting... I know this is not a problem I can talk about with my friends, since nobody I know has this issue. How old are you? Why have you chosen to remain a virgin? Maybe this could make an interesting thread, have all the non-religious virgins post and give their reasons.

[Junket]

I'm turning 21 in May.

[lovesjoyajm]

I'm 21 and a virgin, but I am religious. There was one guy that I sort of dated last summer who is 27 and a virgin - completely nonreligious, and quite an attractive guy. I actually didn't ask him why he had waited - didn't think of it at the time, but knowing him, I'd say it's probably something similar to you, AgentWinter - he just hasn't found anyone he wanted to share that with, yet.

[AgentWinter]

Would you say some girls think "if you are a virgin, what is wrong? why doesn't anyone want you?" I've chosen to be with a girl I'm in love with, and I don't fall in love easily or often (I've been said to be picky). Another thought occurs to me, that I might become a conquest if someone knows I'm a virgin and I'm waiting to be in love first, they might play me to take my virginity... but this is probably just very paranoid thinking.

Guys don't perceive or care that I'm a virgin, they just think I'm missing out. Girls on the other hand know something is different with me I think, yet they never tell me. I think they may be uncomfortable with my being a virgin, but I'm not sure why. I'd like to set them at ease, if I knew what aspect of being a virgin was making them uncomfortable. This is more of an issue with girls that are sexually active.

[vashti]

Would you say some girls think "if you are a virgin, what is wrong? why doesn't anyone want you?" I've chosen to be with a girl I'm in love with, and I don't fall in love easily or often (I've been said to be picky). Another thought occurs to me, that I might become a conquest if someone knows I'm a virgin and I'm waiting to be in love first, they might play me to take my virginity... but this is probably just very paranoid thinking.

I doubt most will look at you as a conquest. That is a very "male" way to look at sex. I can't imagine actually pursuing a virgin. I like experience. Then again, I am 37.

If (and I stress *IF*)there is any discomfort about your being a virgin, it probably has more to do with questioning your ability to perform or maybe your sexual orientation.

[jurupa]

I personally don't know any virgins over 20. Interesting... I know this is not a problem I can talk about with my friends, since nobody I know has this issue. How old are you? Why have you chosen to remain a virgin? Maybe this could make an interesting thread, have all the non-religious virgins post and give their reasons.

I am 23. And I am in no hurry to have sex and I want sex with a girl that I love. And since I have yet to have a girl friend (which is completely a totally different issues within it self), I remain a virgin. Plus I am more focus on my future than trying to get laid.

[anachronistic]

it really depends on how you act. if you brag about it, they won't like it.