1st post...love VS habit VS money.

[Bitterlyblue]

Hi everyone, it's my first post around here and i need advices. Badly. Im confused, I got this boyfriend of 3 and a half years who wanted me to marry him next year. Thing is, he is finacially unstable, he can't hold a job for more than half a year and for goodness sake doesn't even have savings. I seriously don't know what i should answer if he pops the question. I don't even know if i truely love him or am i just used to having him around.

Alright let's discuss the pro and cons here,

Pros that, He loves and accepts me for who i really am, and dotes on me alot. I get along well with his family too, and if you were to be blind to the finance part, this relationship is almost perfect. He've got almost everything i dreamed my ideal relationship to have, be it looks or figure or family or character.

But here's the cons, he is not working hard for a future. as in, he never seems to plan, he'd tell me thing like he wanna earn at least 5000k a month in future but he never asks himself 'how?'. He obsess himself with games everyday and have not been working for 2 months now, and doesn't even put in the effort to look for one. he is also very dependant on me, it like i can never take the back seat, once i sit back and relax thing would never get done, bills will all be unpaid, fridge will be empty, house in a mess...and i got to check everything for him. Just because "He don't know how". Well, I'm not born to know everything either, that's why there's wikipedia, he'll never do anything himself. and honestly i feel very insecure with him and with our future.

So i really don't know if this relationship is worth me staying...Im 20, he's 26, and i slogging my lives out everyday so we have food on the table (I live with him btw). I don't even dare to rest, it's really exhausting mentally and physically. I literally wear the pants in this relationship to be frank. I've talked to him and asked him to go get a course and get a job with it to start saving up. I've waited for him to mature and be a real man for 3 years and i=my patients is running out. Every time he promise me something i half-heartedly expect myself to be dissapointed in the end, and i would be right.

But i tried to leave him once and it hurt like hell, it feels like a huge rock had plummed on my back and i cant breath, and he threatened to hurt himself, so i got soft hearted and went back. Things were honey moon back initially, but now reality's creeping back on me. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Is ut right for me to exploring arounnd, meet new guys before leaving him?

Advices would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the super long post, been bottling it up too much i think i just exploded my emotions typing. Thank you for reading! Pls comment. Cheers.

[vashti]

Get rid of him. You won't ever be able to have a stable future with a guy like this.

And no, don't go looking around for someone else first. You should live on your OWN for a while, anyway. It will help you to grow up and make better decisions for yourself, which will come from a position of strength rather than neediness.

[Danni85]

He sounds quite lazy doesn't he?

This is a hard one because I'm hopeless romantic and if he generally treats you well and is affectionate etc... It would be very difficult to walk away. But, I think I'd have to see it this way... If he really did care about you, he'd be doing more to earn a stable living. This is obviously putting a great strain on you and it's not fair of him to leave it all to you.

I think I might suggest a separation and that if he really wants you, he'll start working hard to prove himself and show you he deserves you back?