Hello,
So long ongoing saga with my current relationship, got to the bottom of what was wrong. Turns out it was me not making my girlfriend felt wanted.
So when it comes to the bedroom, I have ZERO confidence but I have no idea where to start with getting over this.
This has been going on for our whole relationship, but if I don't managed to salvage this and we both move on this is going to follow me so I need to get over this.
I am very inexperienced when it comes to sex, my current girlfriend is only the 2nd person I have been with. What doesn't help matters however if my 1st girlfriend I think cause a lot of damage to my confidence which I am finding it hard to get over.
Obviously the first partner you are with you should be finding out about yourself, learning who you are and exploring a new side to yourself.
Now this is all very well but my 1st girlfriend was experienced, and the whole learn a few tricks from a experienced partner didn't really apply. She was very selfish in the bedroom, it was all about her, what she wanted and if she didn't like it or it wasn't good for her then tough. By this I don't mean stuff like chaining her to the bed and whipping her kind of she didn't like. I mean just basic stuff like fooling around, different positions, exploring each other, etc.
Also every time we had sex she would always use a vibrator/vibrating ring, which again a bit of a confidence knock there.
Kissing, well she wouldn't as she said I wasn't very good and she didn't like kissing during sex at all.
In essence I was a living sex toy to her, at least that is what it felt like.
So my first sexual experience was shall we say not the greatest and left me with a lot of insecurities. Now with being with my current girlfriend I struggle to let go and act upon what I want to do as I am not used to it. This obviously frustrates her, I pick up on this, get more nervous and we just don't connect. Now as I know this is a problem every time we start getting together things are going well up until the point we start to have sex then I freeze up and I am constantly questioning myself about is she enjoying it, and I doing it right oh and of course I have to ask her this as well (not kidding, you can imagine how this goes down though).
So I find myself stuck in a loop, I have all these urges and I just can't act upon them. I am driving my current girlfriend away and if I don't get it fixed and loose her then this is going to plague my next relationship, and after that and after that.
How do I undo the damage that has been done and restore my confidence? Why can't I just let go? I want her so much, and all the feeling are there but my actions do not support them as I just get so nervous and don't know how to be me.
Any advice would be appreciated as this is driving me insane,
Lee