Sexually frustrated!

[Benni]

My guy and I have been lovers for awhile now. We see each other twice a week.
In the beginning, he had a thing about me ‘getting out of position’. Example= doggy style, he wants my back dipped down and my butt arched in the air-- ok, that’s fine. But, when I’m really getting into it and about to orgasm, I raise up, grab the headboard rails and start to let go. He gently pushes me back down to the position. Then, if I move again, he just pulls out-- says ‘****!’ -- rolls over and is pissed. He won’t touch/talk to me. We finally just go the hell to sleep. So, I have learned to ‘stay in position.’

Another thing that frustrates me is-- when we are making love, I want to reach out and hold onto his arm- or leg- or his chest- depending on what position we’re in -- but whenever I do that, he gently removes my hands. It’s like he doesn’t want me to hold him or touch him during sex.

The other night, missionary style, I started contracting my vaginal muscles-- on and off-- because it felt good to me. He said “Why are you squeezing like that? Every time I’m about to cum, you do something that ****s with my mind!” Again, he pulled out and rolled over. I spoke up with “I did that because it felt good and I thought it’d feel good to you, too.” No reply whatsoever.

He, sometimes, will indicate that he wants me to caress my own breasts and finger myself to orgasm. Ok, I get that guys like to watch this but I don’t want him to make a habit of it. I’ve been caressing/pleasing myself for many, many single years. Now that I have a guy, I want HIM to do that to me-- not watch me do it!

He exhausts the hell out of me. It takes him sooooo long to cum. Our sessions last about an hour and a half and, for nearly an hour of that, I am being penetrated. So, I become sore and tired.

I have spoken to him about the ‘position’ stuff and he just says “Oh, no worries” and drops the subject. I think he may do the same if I try to communicate with him about the other issues. I have no idea what to do about any of this.

[Wakeup]

My guy and I have been lovers for awhile now. We see each other twice a week.
In the beginning, he had a thing about me ‘getting out of position’. Example= doggy style, he wants my back dipped down and my butt arched in the air-- ok, that’s fine. But, when I’m really getting into it and about to orgasm, I raise up, grab the headboard rails and start to let go. He gently pushes me back down to the position. Then, if I move again, he just pulls out-- says ‘****!’ -- rolls over and is pissed. He won’t touch/talk to me. We finally just go the hell to sleep. So, I have learned to ‘stay in position.’

Another thing that frustrates me is-- when we are making love, I want to reach out and hold onto his arm- or leg- or his chest- depending on what position we’re in -- but whenever I do that, he gently removes my hands. It’s like he doesn’t want me to hold him or touch him during sex.

The other night, missionary style, I started contracting my vaginal muscles-- on and off-- because it felt good to me. He said “Why are you squeezing like that? Every time I’m about to cum, you do something that ****s with my mind!” Again, he pulled out and rolled over. I spoke up with “I did that because it felt good and I thought it’d feel good to you, too.” No reply whatsoever.

He, sometimes, will indicate that he wants me to caress my own breasts and finger myself to orgasm. Ok, I get that guys like to watch this but I don’t want him to make a habit of it. I’ve been caressing/pleasing myself for many, many single years. Now that I have a guy, I want HIM to do that to me-- not watch me do it!

He exhausts the hell out of me. It takes him sooooo long to cum. Our sessions last about an hour and a half and, for nearly an hour of that, I am being penetrated. So, I become sore and tired.

I have spoken to him about the ‘position’ stuff and he just says “Oh, no worries” and drops the subject. I think he may do the same if I try to communicate with him about the other issues. I have no idea what to do about any of this.

Is this a committed relationship, Benni or are you just casual sex partners? If it's the latter, I'd be wishing him sionara. If all you have with one another is sex then it should be good sex. If it's the former, then you'd do well to have a conversation with him about sexual compatiility and giving. He sounds selfish and controlling. Is he like this outside the bedroom or just inside?

[Benni]

Hi Wakeup! We are exclusive partners but neither of us wish to live together. He is so much fun and we have so much in common. We laugh a lot and enjoy ourselves whether out on a date or just staying in watching a movie. He holds my hand or strokes my arm when we sit together. Always polite, dotes on me as in getting up to get me a glass of tea or whatever.

So, he's only like this in the bedroom, and it's not every single time-- just often enough to start to annoy me now -- most of the time he makes sure I'm satisfied before he finishes and we both have a good time.

[bulrush]

Benni, you are not doing anything wrong. He has to lighten up and realize you want to switch positions, because you have needs too. But you should explain this to him so he understands WHY. Personally I love when my gf starts screaming because I love when 2 people just let loose.

The other things is, talk about why he gets so frustrated from just a small position change (you going from head down to reaching for the headboard). He could be frustrated because it takes him a long time to climax. Maybe he should try other kinky things, maybe porn, toys in his bum, or something else. My doctor told me that lots of exercise, 40 minutes per day, helps make more hormones that help with a man's sexuality. Maybe that has to do with an orgasm. All I know is I get super horny all the time when I'm working out.

As for as the long sex sessions, try glycerin-based lube, and add it whenever needed. The brand Wet works great. Older guys sometimes take a while. Maybe put a finger in his ass and Get. Up. In. There.

He, sometimes, will indicate that he wants me to caress my own breasts and finger myself to orgasm. Ok, I get that guys like to watch this but I don’t want him to make a habit of it. I’ve been caressing/pleasing myself for many, many single years. Now that I have a guy, I want HIM to do that to me-- not watch me do it!

Small price to pay to get a real cock. Why not compromise a little and do what he likes sometimes?

Another thing that frustrates me is-- when we are making love, I want to reach out and hold onto his arm- or leg- or his chest- depending on what position we’re in

During doggie-style we hold each others' hands and I pound away. We both like it. Not sure why your man has a problem with it. Have you talked to him about this?

[toshiba]

This guy sounds like a freak (not in a good way), you should feel completely comfortable in bed and be able to request things from him as he does of you. I guess some people just take a while to cum, I don't have that problem, hahaha.

I do like my women in certain positions and guide her into them, but don't constantly correct her, it doesn't have to be perfect. Some people have fetishes for EXACT things though and find it hard to enjoy any deviation from them.

Maybe put a finger in his ass and Get. Up. In. There.

I am sure he will enjoy that, this guy sounds like a barrel-o-fun in bed. Her finger near his azzhole would probably send him storming out of the room.

Small price to pay to get a real cock.

What? Since when do women have a problem getting cock?

[Benni]

Thank you all for your candid replies.

Bulrush-- funny you mention the anal-- he did that to me a while back and I love it but I wondered if he did that to kind of show me that's what he'd like too?
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I have so much fun with him when we go out or even just staying in and watching a movie. We laugh and hold hands, we giggle about silly shit.

We are both in our late 50's and neither of us have a lot of options in the dating world. I have no way to go out and meet guys, other than online, due to family situations (I'm a caregiver for my 88 year old Mom). He is disabled due to a spinal injury years ago and it's hard for him to get around.

We are suited to each other in so many ways and have so much in common. Except sexually--yes, he is very selfish although most of the time he makes sure I have an orgasm before we're done. It's just times, like above, that frustrate me to no end.

[rafterman]

due to (I'm a caregiver for my 88 year old Mom). He is disabled due to a spinal injury years ago and it's hard for him to get around.

WTF? Your mum is a male. Is that right?

[workingman78]

I think she means her partner, hence the period. Mom is 88 years old. Dude she is dating has a spinal injury. Two seperate thoughts

[Benni]

Yes, my partner is disabled.

[rafterman]

Yes, my partner is disabled.

Well O.K... that could put some strain on your sex life. Does he ever try to capitalize on his injury, during sex? He sounds pretty capable by your graphic descriptions.

[Benni]

No, he never capitalizes on his injury. He never shows his pain openly. He has told me about the injury and the surgery and that he lives in constant pain but he never shows it.

[rafterman]

No, he never capitalizes on his injury. He never shows his pain openly. He has told me about the injury and the surgery and that he lives in constant pain but he never shows it.

Well then I'd probably have to agree with W/Up. He sounds like a bit of a fuss pot...and should thank his lucky stars he's gettin some. Maybe dont give in to him so much. Relationships are about comprimise in ALL areas.
You could maybe try that approach with him. Keep us posted

[Benni]

Thanks, rafterman, I will.

[Benni]

We've started the discussion through email. He doesn't like to talk about things like this in person, he can express himself better with the written word.....

I asked him why I couldn't touch him during sex, to please not yell at me and withdraw when upset with something I've done (like squeezing him)- that it is rude and disrespectful, and told him I don't want to get myself off- that I have him for that.
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His responses:

---I don't mind being touched during sex. It's how I'm being touched and the result of that touch that matters.

When I'm behind you, you like to hold my leg. But I'm trying to move back and forth so your holding me hinders what I'm doing, is distracting, and turns me off. I don't get why women do that.

Most of the time when I position you, you move. I put you in a position for a reason. Don't move.

Sorry I was unpleasant with my frustration, but I really am frustrated with this. I've never had to work so hard at sex. That was probably the worse moment in time you could have squeezed me. That is so strange. Where are you going? Why do you constantly move away and get in an awkward position to make this hard on me? (I have no idea what he means here.)

What I'm doing by watching you play with yourself IS me trying to heighten the experience.

You are not aware, simple as that.

I don't get where you coming from. Don't understand what you're doing in bed. How can you be so unaware of what I'm doing and where we are at in relation to each other?

And you jerking me off with those rings is one of the worse experiences I've ever had. (I wear thumb rings and he's never brought this up before!)
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I haven't answered him yet. I think I'm done. I don't want to go through this anymore.

[Benni]

I just now ended it! I told him this was never going to work-- I'm done.
He replied back he was sorry it didn't work out. Peace.

I feel relieved and sad at the same time, but glad it is over.