Christmas Card for the ex's family..Bad idea?

[cmacattack1]

She broke up with me at the end of Septemeber after 8 months, and with a month of me screwing up the break up (showering her with attention the first week after she needed space, telling her I was sorry and pleading in person, writing a couple letters, and telling her how much I loved her at the end), the situation went from "you are the one, just not now" to "I'm over you, I have a new boyfriend, he treats me right, is nice to me, we are taking it slow."

Been in no contact since Halloween, and haven't seen each other since the first weekend into November (she was with her boyfriend at a bar and I thought I was ready to act like it was okay but I wasn't just kind of froze up and just didn't talk to her).

I still care about her family though, they were nothing but great to me and had me in their home and treated me very well. I was pretty close with her younger brother (traded video games, chatted a bit even after no contact with his sister). I was wondering if sending the family a Christmas card would be a bad choice. I know I shouldn't care about the consequences of it if she decides to take it the wrong way, because they mean alot to me and giving this to them would make me happy. Still I hit ruts every now and then and it makes me second guess everything.

Opinions?

[lahnnabell]

I think you are deluding yourself into believing it is harmless, but it sounds like an excuse to maintain some semblance of intimate contact. It's been so long now that it may seem inappropriate.

I know when my recent ex and I broke up I did call his family and thank them for all they'd done for me (helping us move across the country, having me over all the time, etc.), but that was like a week after he and I had split. I wouldn't even think of it now.

[TheWizard]

I think it's only appropriate if there are kids involved, because you have some responsibility to try and keep it as normal as possible. I don't think it's appropriate otherwise however.

[lhn]

Hmmm... glad this thread came up. I was wondering the same sort of thing. Perhaps best to not rustle any feathers then.

[cmacattack1]

The case I'm trying to state for this is that it is something I want to do because giving to other people is what makes me happy. I am sincerely doing this for myself and not as a ploy or attempt to get her to think "Oh wow, he's so generous, I made a huge mistake." Even for me that's sad and delusional. I don't see us getting together anytime soon anyway, so I was wondering what would be the point of being worried about the consequences? If it genuinely makes me happy, why would I worry about what she thought?

As I mentioned before, her parents were nothing but great to me, her family was great. I wasn't going to even mention her name in it, and based on how she treated me during the break up, she wouldn't deserve any special attention anyway.

I just hit those rough patches every now and then, making me second guess myself. But then again if I'm second guessing myself, maybe that's a red flag?

[Perryville]

If you enclose a note thanking them for their kindness, do not mention the girl's name and are doing this to get closure, I think it's OK. But this should be a "one time", thing.

[shheadz]

When you two broke up, you broke up with her family too. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you had with them.

[lhn]

cma... I'm same but at the end of the day, perhaps its still not a good idea. you don't know what she has told them and would be approaching this blind basically.

I don't want to appear as a stalker :S
You prob don't either.

[Gigabitch]

I vote no. I think you should maintain NC (and that includes her brother).

[cmacattack1]

I've become a stalker eh? With access to her facebook and cell phone and I choose to do neither, I guess I really didn't see the harm in doing it. I'm tired of my actions being dictated by her reaction to it. We aren't together, we aren't getting back together, so what does it matter?

You are right though, I'm sure she shat all over me to her parents. Kind of funny, there was one time in August where she prepared a whole special day surprise for me when I told her I would come see her (she lives three hours away), and I ended up being late because I went out the night before with my friends and I ruined the surprise. And her parents actually defended me and said she should forgive me and that we all make mistakes. While they are wrong for defending my actions and I was wrong completely, they actually stuck up for me. Thought that was kind of interesting.

You guys are probably right though. Just didn't see it as a one time thing to be that detrimental. I wasn't going to confess that I still care about her, beg and grovel and talk about how I was wrong. Just a "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, thanks for everything."

[lhn]

lol... i didn't say you were a stalker. Just that you're approaching it a bit blind but like you say, send it if you don't mind if there is any more bad-blood between you both. Just incase.

I'm not going to send one to my ex's family. Her new fella will be there probably anyway.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah I really thought about it and you guys are right.

I was just trying to be stubborn. Just when I thought I was making some progress towards becoming a better person.

The only reason I ever saw them was through her, the only reason I ever brought them things was through her, and the only reason they ever offered me something was through her. The connection is gone, there is no necessity to do that.

I feel like I'm not being myself by not sending them something. But then again, being myself is what got me in those whole situation in the first place.