Friends

[Prodigal]

Which is more accurate?

1. A real friend is someone with whom you need to contact with on a regular, constant basis.
2. A real friend is someone that if you don't talk for a while, you can pick it back up where you left off.

One of my friends ended our friendship because we did not talk for several months. Of course, there are complications in the situation itself which make the situation muddy, but after several months I tried to contact her and said that we couldn't be friends because she was 'dispensable' to me. However, she never contacted me during this time, either.

Edit: In case you're wondering, there was a reason why I did not contact her, although it wasn't because of an argument or something like that.

[Gigabitch]

It's total crap, Prod. Real friends are still friends unless there's a problem, and losing touch doesn't constitute a dealbreaker.

You know you're being obscure about the "reason". Spill it.

[bluesummer]

My best friends are people I've actually had periods in which we've not communicated in a few years. When we get back together, it's like no time has passed.

People that feel like I should call them constantly are too needy for me, and I'm happy to drop them as friends. Real friends understand that life happens and don't hold it against you. I don't drop friends of mine that don't call me for a long time. I figure they are busy and we'll hook up whenever the time is right.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't think I could call someone a best friend who can't be bothered to find out I'm alive for a period of years. Its not *that* hard to pick up the phone or send a quick message. But it depends on what one means by 'best' friend. To me, that is basically adopted family. Someone who I would get on an airplane for tomorrow if they needed it. But I can count those friends on one hand.

But I agree with the second part of Blue's post. I've got friends I only hear from a few times a year at most. But we make the effort to know we are well, if busy.

That 'ending' friendship stuff sounds like grade school. Unless something specific happened where she decided she couldn't be your friend b/c of it? You'll have to post more info, Prod.

[Prodigal]

I am talking about someone I've been friends with for a long time, who I also dated for about 4 months. She broke up with me about 10 months back, and we continued to be friends and talk during that time. However, she still treated me like a boyfriend in ways - she said that she was missing me and waiting for me, etc. The first couple months, I went along with it because of my feelings. After that, I started ignoring it, hoping that she would get the point. After a couple more months, I was trying to nudge her that she shouldn't wait for me, etc.

There came a point to where I was getting sick of it from her. She broke up with me, and yet she says all these things to me, as if to string me on (albeit unintentionally). By this time I had changed as a person - I was no longer willing to put everything in my life down for a relationship. This was also the time I started to date someone else, and I let her know about this. She seemed heartbroken... she said that she didn't know whether to 'be a supportive friend' or to 'follow her heart' (which I thought meant whether or not to pursue me anyway, because she is very forward). I told her that I could not help her with this issue; it involved me too directly. I decided to give her a couple months to sort things out herself.

When I contacted her again, that's when she said we couldn't be friends anymore. She felt that day, I had walked out on our friendship and that I can't just come back. I made mistakes here - I should have been more upfront about how I felt, and told her that I was not talking because I wanted her to get over feelings (which she may or may not have had). It was a wrong assumption on my part. But I was never cognizant of a problem here - I never knew how she felt, and she didn't let me know. Upon realization of my mistake within this conversation, I explained to her my reasoning and apologized a lot - I never meant it like that. She said the damage had been done.

Sometimes, I wonder if the real reason she decided to not talk to me again was romantic-related. If that was the case, I wish she would have just told me that instead. That would have made a lot more sense to me.

[Gigabitch]

Oh. That girl.

IMO, that friendship was bogus anyway. The only way you can be friends with your ex is if you both are in now way interested at all, romantically. This was not the case with you.

[DoesntMatter]

Your best friends are related to you

[IndiReloaded]

Prod, are you trying to understand her mindset, or do you really value a friendship with her?

I don't remember which girl this is, sorry. But if she is the kind of person you would value friendship with based on who she is (aside from whatever romantic feelings you two had) then you should just stay in contact but at a light level. Things always change. It would be a shame if, a decade from now when you are both partnered w/families, that you couldn't be friendly to each other. Good friends are hard to come by & the bonds we form as young adults tend to be the strongest ones.

It all depends on the people involved, tho. I know you are reasonable, but who knows about this gal.