Mistakes When Getting Your Ex Back

[RyanDaniels]

Hey everybody,

I've been reading about some of the stories posted here and I've tried to lend some advice to each specific situation, but I'm seeing some common themes that I wanted to address. I blog about this stuff (see my signature), but this worth a post. I'm hoping that it will make you want to buy my book, since that's the whole reason I'm here.

I'm a spammer in poster's clothing, you see.

After a break up, the natural tendency is to follow your emotions and do a lot of wrong things. They include going and trying to "get" your ex back.

Here's why this doesn't work: if your relationship is to be reconciled, then it has to be the OTHER person's doing, not your own. More specifically, you need to initiate attraction that brings the other person back, instead of going out and trying to correct your wrongs.

These are the biggest mistakes that are made after a breakup:

1) Constant contact. This is a sensitive one, because most argue that an occasional phone call, text, or email is acceptable. However, if you're initiating the contact, then it simply demonstrates your dependence on the other person.

2) Insisting that you love the other person. This is also known as "begging." The more that you go to the other person and express your undying love, the more that person is pushed away, not attracted. The same goes with #3...

3) Insisting that things will be different. While you may mean it, your ex is not receptive to it after a break up. Here's why:

There is a psychological trigger known implicit reasoning, which is the idea that you make decisions on your own, not as a result of outside influences (that would be "explicit reasoning"). For that reasoning, insisting that you love the other person, will change, or need him/her will do nothing to convince the other person that you should get back together.

I have suggested this before, but I believe the best way to utilize implicit reasoning is to establish good grounds, temporarily agree with the breakup, and begin working on his or her psychology. A practical way to begin this process is to write a hand-written letter that says that you are at peace with the breakup.

I'm ranting (I'll save the rest for my blog) but felt compelled to share as I've seen it come up several times.

Hope that helps,
Ryan

[sarah_9]

Hello,


Wonderful post, thanks for sharing it, it is hard to accept painful things and break up with b/f or g/f is really hard, each individual have their own mechanism to adjust such painful event some follow positive way while other get in trap of negative way and it make situation worse for both, the fact is we should live in reality and must have courage to accept the truth either it is sweet or sour.


Regards,
sarah_9

[lucyinthesky]

Awesome advice Ryan. Spot on the mark.