Loving best friend of the same sex who doesn't love me back + a lot more to the story

[Matty1999]

Ok so I am currently writing on this forum website as a very broken 18 year old boy. I have no idea what im gonna say but ill start typing away now..(theres just so much to say)
I've told people briefly about my situation with my best friend in the past and people just so easily judge me and stuff coz they dont understand what my life is like.
BACKGROUND INFO:
I met this guy who ill call 'Ben' in year 11 and we sat next to each other in english, i have major anxiety so it was hard at first to form the friendship. Anyways hes always sat in the same friendship group at school as me but we hadn't become close except hanging out a few times with other people and no connection was felt on both sides. The previous year an ex girlfriend of his who i was friends with told me he was bi sexual and I never forgot it but kinda didn't believe her coz ben seemed straight. Anyways me and Ben became closer and closer everytime we hanged out, suddenly I started having physical attractions to him and was attracted to his personality. We were having a sleepover together and I randomely told him I was Bi sexual and he said me too and he was happy about it. We both took off our shirts when sitting on the couch and we both enjoyed it a lot, i leaned my head on his chest and relaxed, no we didnt do anything sexual.

FAST FORWARD A YEAR: We are still friends but i fell in love with him a few months ago. And he is the first person ive had feelings for, i told him and he said he didn't love me in that kinda way and it crushed me for a few days but i got over it and continued being friends and still wanted to be with him sexually and in a relationship. In all the times we have hung out i have been too scared to make a move on him when he clearly wanted me to, this has gone on for about 6 months. We have even talked about what kinda sexual things we wanna do with each other and sent nudes when drunk texting, so everytime we've drunk texted ive promised him I'd make a move and he said he wants me to, but every time ive come close but didn't.
CURRENT SITUATION:
Ive still been madly in love with him but im not sure if hes making me sad or happy. I feel like im not good enough especially recently. He has started paying less attention to me and barely texts me now and is becoming close with our friend group at school. He was like my only true friend and i feel like im losing him and my heart is hurting coz of it. Wtf do I do coz I have been really depressed for about a week and find life hard to live coz he barely makes an effort to hang out as well. Give me advice please

[Hooo!]

What do you want to do as you describe it in rich detail?

[Snow White]

When things don't go the way we want in a romance, we always blame ourselves. What is wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with you. You fell in love with someone who was not in love with you. As far as drunk texting, we have all been guilty of that. It always hurts when you feel an attachment and then it changes. His sexual curiosity seems to have changed but that does not mean you are not good enough. You are only 18 and I do not want to say that disrespectfully. I totally respect your feelings, but also want you to know that you will have many opportunities in your life for love.