I'm in love with my (ex) best friend and he doesn't know

[jennyjen55]

My best friend and I have been friends for 8 years the past 2 we have gotten closer but the last couple months we've been arguing and fighting a lot. Feeling we weren't good enough for each other and this and that, resulting in the friendship ending. I never told him how I felt because I didn't want to ruin our friendship or lose him but that has happened due to all the fighting. He was and is my everything. I want him in my life and as my partner. I never thought I'd be without him and now that I am I wish I told him how I felt. I think a lot of the flighting was due to locked up feelings. What should I do?

[TheEvilJester]

I will preface this to say you don't have to answer any of my questions if you'd rather not, but I want to get a better understanding of the situation to perhaps offer better advice.

What were some examples of what you guys were fighting about that caused this rift between you? What caused the arguments in the first place?

I ask because I'd sort of think twice about trying to start a relationship with somebody you apparently could no longer get along peacefully with as a friend. Why would it be any different as boyfriend and girlfriend if you are already arguing (so much so that you've ceased to be friends) even just as two friends?

My next question would be were the things that caused you two to break up as friends so serious that they cannot be fixed? Is it possible that things just became heated and some time apart can help you both to realize how you can perhaps fix things and remember why you've been friends for 8 years? That's a pretty long time to be friends with somebody to just throw it away.

Your answers to those questions may somewhat inform our advice.

My gut reaction would be to tell you that you should talk to him about your feelings. Unless he were to take the initiative of confessing similar feelings to you, you never know if he could feel the same way unless you ask. Even if it turned out he didn't feel the same way and only thought of you as a friend, you would at least be better off knowing that rather than being left wondering "what if?"

However, I guess that all kind of depends on the specific details of what it was that caused a rift between you two. Because, if you are really both so wounded and upset at this point that you are very possibly 100% fully done as friends, then this certainly wouldn't be the right time to suddenly now confess your feelings.

Good luck to you either way. I hope it works out for you well. If you are comfortable answering my questions, that may put your situation in some perspective for us, and allow me and hopefully others to respond with more specific advice.