A depressing relationship with my crush of 2 years!

[shubham11081997]

A girl i have loved for two years finally starts reciprocating and loving me back. It started as a crush, maintaining friendship. Me loving her unconditionally even though she had a boyfriend. They break up in the most nasty way. Driving her into depression. I keep on loving her, supporting her through these times. Gradually she starts saying she is getting attracted to me. we start talking for hours. Says she is gradually falling in love with me. And finally she makes love to me in the most beautiful way one day. After this day, she starts saying she has not completely moved on from her past tormenting relationship and wants a break from us. She says she is afraid that if she falls for me again she might get hurt and she will just be using me. I being blinded with love keep on supporting her, loving her in the most perfect of ways. Finally one day she says she does not like guys anymore and she cant love me the way i deserve to be. I keep my distance from her. Honoring her decision of staying alone. One day she calls me up saying she is missing me. The next day she tells me she is going back to her ex. When i ask her " what was my role in her life?' She answers saying she said and did everything with genuineness and asks me to accept this situation. She says she meant everything when she said she loved me and everything but she cant move on from her past. I ask her why she gives chances to the guy who has hurt her so much and not me, she says she cant answer. Then when i unfriend her on facebook, she revolts and says that " You have done me wrong, as u said u loved me unconditionally and should have accepted this situation". To be honest, i have loved this girl for 2 years now. Even when she had fights with her boyfriend and every walk of her life. And she drove me away every time saying she cant be in a relationship anymore. And finally she goes back to her ex, and then she questions me for trying to eliminate her from my life? Like what should i do? She should realize that i waited and honored her every decision at every point. Like every unconditional lover. Accepting that i was a fool back then, and could have backed out way back. But still she kept on going back to him, broke up with him, got hurt in the most nasty ways. But she never said clearly that " YES I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU". Now that i wanna be gone, she is telling me that i hurt her??? Like i am distraught!!!! Guys i need serious help!

[GLYC]

First off. Good job on reanalyzing some of your behavior, you were spot on with that, you never should have hung around like that to a woman in a relationship

Just be clear with your intentions. She has a boyfriend, you dont want to be caught up in the drama or involved with all of this.
Say, hey, I hope things work out for the two of you, but if they don't, give me a call. Maybe we can catch up sometime if I'm still single and we can see where things will go. Cheers

Walk, never look back unless she contacts you. If she contacts you and is with him,just be nice, but don't get too involved, you dont want to be involved with her while shes involved with him. State your purpose, and stick to it.

[TheEvilJester]

Hindsight is always 20/20, but you shouldn't have stuck around once you were aware she had a boyfriend. It would be one thing if you were just friends. That is fine. But, you always wanted it to be more. So, you held yourself back from possibly finding love with somebody who was actually available for something that, as far as you knew at the time, may never happen.

Now, in the end, you two DID wind up together.... but it sounds like it didn't end well. Sadly, sometimes it does take people a while to get over a relationship. Especially if it was long term, or their first serious relationship, or both. You never want to be somebody's rebound. I definitely don't think that was your intention, but it sounds like that is what happened. Now, it is also entirely possible that she never meant this to happen either. That she never meant to hurt you. Sometimes, when in so much pain over a break-up, people can latch to the next person to be so nice to them. They may rush into something with a person who maybe wasn't the right match for them..... or maybe even WAS, but they sabotage it (albeit unintentionally) by getting into it before they were really over their past relationship.

Like I said, hindsight is always 20/20. I definitely do not mean to judge you or make you feel bad. Heck, I've been in your position myself, so I speak from experience. However, when she got back with her ex, you did the right thing by starting to limit your interaction with her. That is the right thing for you to do for yourself. Whether or not she meant to hurt you, that is exactly what she did. Maybe she did not mean to. Maybe she sincerely thought she was ready to be with somebody new. So, it isn't that you should necessarily blame her for anything....

But that doesn't change the fact that you need to care for yourself as well. The only way to get over her is by spending some time away from her. Maybe in time you can be friends again, but you need time to move on first and accept that you two will likely never be anything more. ...And heck, you never know. Maybe in time she will leave her ex/boyfriend permanently and realize he is no good for her. Maybe in time she will realize she has a great guy in you and want to try again. If so, maybe you'll still be open to the idea and you two can try again..... or maybe you'll have moved on and that will be her loss, not yours.

Good luck to you. Do what is right for you. Love is out there for you to find. It may not be with her, but that doesn't mean there isn't somebody out there for you. You WILL find that special someone some day. Heck, maybe it even will turn out to be her.... but if not, you'd be much better moving on sooner rather than later.

[Snow White]

This woman is not worthy of your love or attention. She used you to feel loved and wanted. She wants things both ways..to be with her bf and also know that you will be there for her unconditionally if things don't work out for her. Don't be worried about hurting her. You did the right thing. She did not choose to be with you. She chose to be with him. You need to move on.

[Hooo!]

You do not need help you need a serious ass kicking.
Your unconditional love is not unconditional
It's you doing everything for her. Women hate that.
They do not get happy with someone like that usually.
You are missing male energY and domination.
You are missing attraction and possibly seduction

This case has literally happened thousands of times to other guys.
For guys it's important what their girls do for them
For girls it's important who they guys are to them the role they take.you took the role of a servant and thought you showed love. I just showed desperation

[TheEvilJester]

You do not need help you need a serious ass kicking.
Your unconditional love is not unconditional
It's you doing everything for her. Women hate that.
They do not get happy with someone like that usually.
You are missing male energY and domination.
You are missing attraction and possibly seduction

This case has literally happened thousands of times to other guys.
For guys it's important what their girls do for them
For girls it's important who they guys are to them the role they take.you took the role of a servant and thought you showed love. I just showed desperation

This is a good point. It definitely is good to be the kind of guy who would do anything for his gal..... but the keywords there are FOR HIS GAL. Not for his gal who is just a friend. And, Hell, it's also great if you are the kind of guy who would go to great lengths to help a friend..... but there does have to reasonable limits to that. When you make it obvious you would bend over backwards and basically move the world for a gal..... and she's just a friend (or, in this case, even already in a relationship), that can actually have a very negative effect on their image of you. You can be a really nice guy without it making you seem a little TOO nice, if you get my meaning. And, believe me, I am not meaning to judge. I share this from experience. I learned this the hard way myself. Nice guys finish last. When you are too nice, you don't get appreciated for it, you get used, abused, and hurt for it. You can be nice.... but there is a limit to what is reasonably nice.