Is there something wrong with me?

[Missa3854]

So to start this off, this girl and I were only together for a short time, she freaked out and broke up with me at Christmas. Unfortunately at the time we booked a trip together with her friends, and if I was to bail, it would have been bad for everyone. Plus I really wanted to go.

So I went, it was great, had a great time, made some great memories and what not. On new years eve, I told her that I was thinking about asking for a kiss, and she said do what you want. So as the the clock hit zero, I asked and our last kiss was on new years eve. After that I gave her a letter I wrote when she broke up with me,it was heart felt letter, saying I can't be around her, that I love her and blah blah blah. If i was smart and not so scared to lose her I would have just let it die then. What changed my mind, was on the way back to our city, she grabbed my hand, and kissed it while we were driving. So I thought hey maybe she will change her mind. Nope that didn't happen, she started dating this guy, he was super jealous. He had his reasons, it was obvious that I was in love with his girlfriend. And we would hangout still. So we went on another trip, and ended up cuddling a lot, just due to where we were staying. It felt nice being in her arms again. Before this I was getting over her, and started to only see her as a friend, but then I fell right back into love with her, knowing full well I would get hurt. And I did, like really bad. But we kept talking.

So she broke up with him, and it was not even a week, and she was back into it with another girl. That girl was so weird, but she liked something about her so she went for it. All that time she was talking to me and still being emotionally I intimate with me. See even though we are not in a relationship, we are always intimate with each other emotionally, I can't seem to break that either. So fast forward a bunch, they didn't last long, and I was there to console her once again over a break up.

That breakup was in May, now it's July, and she started seeing this new chick. It wouldn't have been such a issue, but over that time we got really close again, we would talk for hours and daily. I know I feel jealous and I feel as though I'm losing her. It scares me so much to lose her. Why am I like this? Why can't I get over her? She haunts me all the time, I have tried dating others, but it's not what I want.

One part of the story I forgot, was she hurt herself, to the point she couldn't walk. So I lent her my jeep so she could get to and from school. I'm not in the city for the summer so I wasn't going to use it. So even if I wanted to stop talking to her, I can't cause she has my car.

She's not this amazing person or anything, she does some ****ed up stuff. And if it was anyone else I would have ran for the hills, but she has me and I can't run. Why can't I run?

Any advice would be appreciated, I don't know what to do anymore. I put myself in one hell of a hole and don't know how to get out.

[pcmaster]

Answering to your topic name I think yes, whats wrong with you is that you are a lesbian.

[Missa3854]

Thanks bud, I couldn't figure that one out on my own.

[WiltedRose]

You love her and you can't help who you love! She obviously likes you but doesn't live you back or she'd be with you! You are going to help and hold on to anything she gives you but the best thing for you to get over her is to stop seeing and helping her as much or you're always going to feel like this and be at her beck and call!

[pcmaster]

Thanks bud, I couldn't figure that one out on my own.

You are welcome. Running after and giving girls so much importance is your biggest problem. No girl is worth so much emotional investment. Its possible to do less and have more results. If struggle is so big then ts the wrong person you are concentrating on. I think things should be easy with person who is worth it.

[Snow White]

Why are you like that? Why can't you get over her? Obviously, you are in love with her. You will never be able to be "just friends" with her. She will always send you mixed signals like kissing your hand because she trusts you and can rely on you, but she doesn't seem to regard you as a romantic girlfriend.

She will never be able to fulfill your true needs. She goes from one bf or gf to the next, but you are never one of them. You need to ask yourself what YOU need for your own happiness.
BTW, there is NOTHING wrong with you.

[Shoukon]

Hey Missa,

It seems that you're being emotionally manipulated when you guys are "emotionally intimate." Intimacy becomes perverse when it's intent and ending causes you hurt. Someone doesn't continuously be emotionally intimate with you as they are going with others and not you with clean intentions. This is a start of a bad cycle for you where you're very available to someone who you desire and they see that you desire them and can use that to be abusive. You're being emotionally abused. I would try to limit your emotional communications with them so you can progress in your life without the repetition of hurt you're going through. If you wanted to dig into this you could be curious about and find out what she is giving you that you want and then find those things in someone else who isn't going to emotionally abuse you and wants you, not the service you give them.

Let me know if I misunderstood anything, stated something not so clearly or if any questions came up.