God help me, I find him so gorgeous. I know it's obvious to him. I embrace my sensuality. He's hurt me. He moved downstairs and he's had other woman over, yet I still want to share a bed with him tonight. Just to feel him, to make love, to not hurt for that brief time. He's on the phone with his exwife. She's amazing. I've slept with her too. In a sensual sharing kind of way. I'm moving back to California. I'm moving away but it hurts tonight. I want to be loved. I want his love and I'll never have it. I've known him for 30 years. I've been his lady for only 1 and it's been an absolute devastating blow to my heart. Am I unlovable? Am I too into making love or being intimate? My heart is gold. Honor and integrity are the blood in my veins. Where is my knight?