Went out with the girl he told me not to worry about

[dnl007]

A couple days ago, my bf & I were out when we ran into a close female friend of his. They chatted for a while & were playful with each other. After she left, he asked me if their friendship made me uncomfortable.

They became friends after we started going out, and I didn't say anything for months because I trusted him & respected his friendships, but I couldn't help feeling a little jealous over how close they were and how often he talked about her. So when he brought it up and seemed considerate of my feelings & didn't want to do anything to offend me, I decided to be honest about my feelings.

He told me that there's nothing going on between them, nothing to worry about and said “We’re not having sex if that makes you feel better.” And the whole thing blew up into a fight and we decided to take a break. When we were laying the terms for the break, he said that we could see other people during this time and "explore other options", and "jokingly" mentioned the girl as an example. Then day right after, he actually hung out with the other girl and posted it all over snapchat.

I know that technically, he's not breaking any rules, but the way he flaunt it feels extremely immature and inconsiderate of my feelings. Am I being too emotional/sensitive about this? Should I just move on and walk away from this relationship?

[GLYC]

"We’re not having sex if that makes you feel better."

"explore other options", and "jokingly" mentioned the girl as an example."

I don't think youre being too sensitive. Initially that talk sounded like it was going good, but the sex comment wasn't very funny if that's what he was going for. He's not doing a good job at valueing your feelings or reassuring you. As guys sometimes we get a little cocky, but these comments aren't cool.

The exploring other options part is bad with a break, in my opinion. The fact that he went straight to that girl is kind of a red flag to me.

I would consider walking away. Why? Because even if me and my partner needed some time apart, I don't like the idea of them immediately bringing up exploring other options. Nah, I want to work things out. If you don't, I'm out of here.

Stay and fight together or move apart.

[TheEvilJester]

I'd like to say I could be more optimistic, but I'm pretty much in agreement with GLYC here. I don't see how his comment was funny or appropriate in the slightest. You two were JUST fighting about issues including this gal (mind you with him INSISTING you had nothing to worry about with her), such to the point where you are agreeing to take a break from each other.... yet something in his mind tells him that is an okay comment to make to you?! I mean.... am I crazy?! ....Wait, strike that. I AM crazy I just don't think I'm crazy in this particular instance.

Not only that, but you two are simply taking a break after a particularly rough argument.... and he IMMEDIATELY goes to the whole "we can see other people" rule? Um... taking a break usually implies you intend to take some time apart from each other.... but with the intention that you will come back together and decide THEN whether or not you want to remain together. Maybe it is just me, but you shouldn't be dating other people when you are just "on a break" because a "break" is supposed to just give you both the time to think, calm down, and decide if you want to continue your relationship.

If you are both already moving on to dating other people, then why not just break up at that point? Hell, it isn't like there is some rule that you can't break up but later decide you both want to take another chance at being together. Maybe I am just being overly cynical, I truly don't know, but to me the fact that he wants the opportunity to date other women during this break (not to mention how quickly he went to that) seems awfully suspicious to me.

So, I would personally be strongly considering just walking now if I were you. Though, that does really have to be up to you. Maybe he actually does sincerely still want to be with you and just needs time to cool down. Maybe, if that is what happens, you can actually be willing to trust things will be better, trust you can both make the effort to make this work, and try again. If you sincerely think there is a chance, then you can certainly give the relationship a chance after this "break." IF you do, though, at least do so with a little caution and don't immediately let your guard down and trust that he learned anything from his mistakes.

Good luck to you either way. You deserve somebody who will respect you and your feelings and treat you the way you deserve. If that can be him, then that is great. If not, then you deserve to find a guy who CAN be that for you.

[richiro]

Thought [URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] : he didn't "go out" with her the way you are insinuating. They went out as friends (not unless he said or intimated otherwise or the pictures showed otherwise - like they acted like bf/gf).
Thought [URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] : no you're not being too sensitive. I winced when i read "we're not sleeping together if that makes you feel better". That was just absolutely wrong and disgusting. So what does that really mean? You're kissing and making out and heavy petting instead? Definitely was way out of line and inappropriate and disrespectful to you.

Although I believe im that nothing is going on and he's being loyal - it's obvoius this girl catches his fancy. That in and of itself you'll have to learn to get over (whether it's to be with him, or with somebody else down the road). People can't help be attracted when there's chemistry and that just HAPPENS. It's going to happen. You at some point will meet a guy you have chemistry with and if you were single you may totally date - but that doesn't mean your cheating on your bf. Some of us respect the rules. So I nothing about what happened makes me think he's cheating. But also its very obvious they have a chemistry and attraction.

So the answer to your real question is this:
1. Yes if you want to stay with him (or anybody) you will have to learn that peopel still meet people and can still be attracted and have chemistry - but it doesn't mean they're cheating. You will have to find a way at some point, to be able to accept this and be able to deal with it. If you can't, you won't be able to be with anybody long-term ever.
2. No it doesn't mean you have to stay with him. His comments are such that it might be scratching the surface with further disrespect down the road - and yes possible cheating. Again, i don't believe he has cheated to this point.
3. No you have nothing to feel bad about for feeling the way you feel. Your feelings are absolutely reasonable and justified.

Good luck to you and what you decide. Hang in there.