Told a lie to the girl I like, got caught, now what?

[murkishslurkish]

Hey there,

I met a girl about 2 months ago (for the sake of conversation let's call her "Girl S", and have ever since been hanging out with her often. Going to the gym, going out
and other things. Although we're definitely not "Official" yet (as she says she wants to take it slow due to a bad recent breakup)
we're definitely very fond of each other.

About 2 days ago my ex-girlfriend of 3 years found out about this Girl S, and out of anger and spite, sent her a FB message
detailing all of the reasons why she shouldn't be interested in me etc etc. When the Girl S initially told me (inside the gym)
she said to me that she hadn't read the FB message, and wanted to talk to me first before reading it.

My initial reaction was one of complete anger and embarrassment, my ex who I'm not even with anymore is still trying to
dictate how I live (I broke up with her due to her being extremely possessive and jealous.) So anyway, Girl S then proceeds
to hand me the phone to read it, before I subsequently say that I'm going to block my ex on her account. After attempting to block her on the
FB app, I realised that the message she sent did not get deleted, so without a second thought, I deleted it.

Fast-forward 6 hours, I found out that my ex-girlfriend (for some reason) had deleted her Facebook account. This came a few minutes before Girl S
Facebook messages me "Hey, do you know what happened to the message your ex-sent?". As if I were compulsively tuned for the reaction
I said to her "I think my ex-girlfriend deleted her account" (little did I know that this was a trap). Girl S then replies "When someone deletes
their account, it doesn't delete the message".

Oh boy, I thought, I've been clocked. She obviously knows that I've lied. So without further a do, I ring up Girl S, fess up that I did lie and ask her if she is angry at me.

She didn't reply with anger in her voice, but with complete dissapointment, she told me that A) It was not my place to delete the message from HER inbox,
no matter how much embarrassment it would have caused me to have a potential girlfriend reading a nasty message from my ex. and B) I kind of lied
by insinuating that by me saying that the termination of ex-girlfriends account caused the message to disappear, I lied to her.

While she said all of this calmly and tried not to make a big deal out of it, her words have reallly affected me, and made me like complete S***.
She has just come out of a difficult relationship with a guy that was incredibly dishonest to her, and now I believe she feels I'm exactly the same.
I've never been a compulsive liar, and 99% of the time always lived a life where the truth comes first. This situation really caught me off guard
and I guess all dishonesty stems from a kind of fear.

She said to me that "This doesn't make you a bad person, but I'm making observations". Up until this point, my time with her has been amazing,
we really get on, and we enjoy each others company. I feel like right now, I'm either going to have to work incredibly hard to gain back her trust,
or she will simply decide that if I can't be trusted with small minscule incidents like this, how will I be on larger subjects? She ended the conversation
by saying that I should get on with my university work, and that simply, for her to be in a relationship she needs to trust someone 100%.

I've sent her a message apoligising, and promising her that I will definitely not be doing this again, but it's been quite a few hours since she has
responded. I'm not a stupid teenager who believes that it will be the end of the world if she does choose to ditch me due to this incident, but
It will hurt alot, as I have invested a large amount of time and emotion into trying to show her the better qualities of my character.

On another note, it will show that my ex really does have the power to still hurt me even though I'm not with her anymore.

Any advice on this situation would be really helpful, I have a large amount of university work due in, but this is completely doing my head it.

thanks for reading

M.S

[surfhb2]

Seriously bro? You're a man. Don't get caught up in the girlie BS. Just come clean - tell her you deleted inadvertently, apologize for the needless BS and be done with it. Tell her you don't want to talk about it anymore.....leave the ball in her court and see where she goes with it

[Starnique]

The only thing you really did wrong was lie about it. Is girl s an idiot? I mean, wtf did she think you were going to do with the msg? Anybody would've erased it. You didn't want her reading that bs. If it was that serious, why didn't she read it in the first place? Most women would've read it and then handed you the phone like, look what your ex sent me...what's up with that?

You apologized and that's all you can do. Your ex is a drama queen but it wasn't your fault. You can't control what other people do. Next time, be straight up even though this is a common sense thing to me. You could also say that you just didn't want her to feed into the bs and you have no time for drama but that's about it at this point. She should've just read it unstead of trying to get confirmation from you. You're a man. Of course you was gonna try and cover it up...=)

[basilandthyme]

yeah, I'd put that in the 'white lie' category.

Just tell her that you got carried away trying to fix the problem. Apologise ONCE and leave it with her. Don't grovel or get twisted into knots over this

[smackie9]

To be honest if I were in her shoes, I would have deleted it immediately without a thought . Mountain out of a mole hill.

She should be more worried about the psycho ex GF baggage. It most definitely would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe get control over that bitch first before getting serious with this girl.

[surfhb2]

Another reason why FB is the worst invention of all time for human interpersonal relations.....2nd only to TV

[smackie9]

Ya in the old days they would just key your car or slash your tires.....damn FB!

[murkishslurkish]

I took your advice and held my ground, and she did come through, and actually apologised for making such a big deal out of this, good result. And yes, Ex GF baggage is definitely an issue.

[Boisdevie]

I took your advice and held my ground, and she did come through, and actually apologised for making such a big deal out of this, good result. And yes, Ex GF baggage is definitely an issue.

If the ex GF is such a bitch how come you are still in contact with her? I mean how does she even know what you're doing? And how come this loony ex knows the FB address of this new girl and can even message her?

[basilandthyme]

very good questions Bois

[murkishslurkish]

If the ex GF is such a bitch how come you are still in contact with her? I mean how does she even know what you're doing? And how come this loony ex knows the FB address of this new girl and can even message her?

Around 2 weeks back I made the fatal error of meeting her for a coffee in order to
give her some form of closure, when I departed to the restroom during that meeting,
little did i know that she went through my jacket pockets, found my phone, and then
preceeded to read all of the messages from the girl I liked.

I know you guys will see me as a complete sucker, and I have learnt my lesson,
kindness can bring used against you, especially when someone acts like a jealous
maniac. Since the previous incident occurred, I have blocked all forms of communication
with her, unless she starts turning up at my door, hopefully nothing more will come from this. Kindness with cruelty is something i've learnt, I thought that by speaking to her and giving her support I was helping her move on, when in actual fact I was completely exacerbating the problem.

thanks

[Wakeup]

About 2 days ago my ex-girlfriend of 3 years found out about this Girl S, and out of anger and spite, sent her a FB message
detailing all of the reasons why she shouldn't be interested in me etc etc.

Yet another reason why exes should be blocked and deleted from all means of contact and privacy settings in place.

Kindness with cruelty is something i've learnt, I thought that by speaking to her and giving her support I was helping her move on, when in actual fact I was completely exacerbating the problem.

Worth repeating.