How and when to express feelings towards someone you know wl never be interested in u

[takusalord]

There's this intern here in our office which I met a few months prior before she worked here, i have had interest in her since the first time I met her, though I'm aware that she has a boyfriend already, and even she doesnt, she has other suitors that is more superior than me. so when she started working in our office. she was very friendly with me, and my officemates always tease me to her, but she is not offended. we occasionally text and send pms.

now I think that my feelings are developing towards her, which is exactly the situation im trying to avoid. and the only way to alleviate these feelings I think is to express how I feel. not face to face (because I cant) but through one last letter and gift. but I dont know how to and if now is the right time to do so.

I've never had a girlfriend before, and plan to keep it that way, so I suck at these things.

I would like to hear from you people, because I really dont know what to do at this point.

Thank you.

[madotnw_nihs]

So you don't plan on having a girlfriend, why do you need to express your feelings to her? You will also suck at these things if you don't practice them.

[takusalord]

So you don't plan on having a girlfriend, why do you need to express your feelings to her? You will also suck at these things if you don't practice them.

I'm already certain that she wont entertain me, and she's in a relationship already. I just want to express how I feel so that I can finally get it off my chest.

[madotnw_nihs]

Do you need to get it off your chest or will the feelings just subside on its own? I don't see the point in expressing how you feel in this situation.

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, so if you don't mind I'd like to ask you to clarify a few things. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but it would help me and others understand a little better. So, you said you've never had a girlfriend before and you plan to keep it that way...

So, does that mean you don't WANT a girlfriend? If you don't want one, then I'd say that is your answer right there no matter who it was that interested you. If you don't want a girlfriend then why would you bother anyway? If I am understanding correctly, (and I could be wrong) it sounds more like you DO want a girlfriend... you just don't think you'll ever have one. I can DEFINITELY understand how you feel if that is the case. So, in most cases, I would tell you to go for it. As others said, you aren't going to get any better at doing things like asking girls out if you don't try. Otherwise, you'll just always leave yourself wondering "What if?" and that is a horrible question to always have to be stuck wondering. Believe me.

In THIS CASE, however, I think my personal advice would be you shouldn't say anything. You said yourself she has a boyfriend. In my personal opinion, it would be wrong to express your feelings for her. She's not available. If she were single, whole different story. But, she's not. Believe me, I understand that right now it feels like that would be the only way you could get over your feelings, but it really isn't. In time, you would see they would fade on their own.

By confessing your feelings to somebody who is already in a relationship.... you are really just unburdening yourself at the possible cost of somebody else. For example, worst case scenario, what if that causes problems in her relationship? Problems that otherwise wouldn't have been there? I mean, hopefully it wouldn't, but you never know. Bottom line, though, she's not currently available.

Now, let's say her relationship DID end and she became single....

Even if that happened you say you KNOW she wouldn't be interested in you. ....How do you KNOW that exactly? It sounds to me like you two get along just fine. Right now maybe she displays no romantic interest in you.... but that's probably mainly because she's in a relationship. So she's probably not going to display romantic interest in anybody but her fella.

If she were to become single, you should have just as much chance with her as any other guy. Maybe even more since you two are so friendly as it is. I think the more immediate problem you need to deal with is learning that you are awesome. Learning to appreciate yourself. And, take it from a guy who basically just discovered what a self-esteem was in the last couple years... I know that is SO much easier said than done.

But, if you are so down on yourself, it is going to make it SO much harder and perhaps even near impossible to find love if you want it. It's not impossible, but it is much closer to it. You'd be doing yourself a HUGE favor to learn to appreciate you a little more. However it is you can do that. Take on hobbies you enjoy that make you happy. Start a regular workout routine. Find a new wardrobe that still feels you but is a more polished version of you. Anything to boost your confidence.

To me, the ultimate goal in life, at least as it relates to love... is to find a way to be happy in and of yourself so you can be happy even if you don't have a relationship.... but to still want one anyway. I'm working on that myself. It's a daily struggle, but it is worth it to try. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve happiness... and you even deserve love if you wish to find it. But, the best way to start is by starting to become a fan of yourself.

That will help make it easier, even if just a little easier, to ask girls out. Then, if ever this gal happens to be single, that's your time to go for it. Maybe she'll be interested, maybe she won't. If not, sure that will hurt at first, but you'll move on and find somebody else. Eventually you will find somebody who will say yes. If she remains with her current fella, well then, in time you will find somebody else who interests you, but somebody who is available.

Good luck, my friend. Believe me, I know from experience how hard it is, so I am right there with you. But, you deserve to be able to appreciate you... whether you do that alone or with a loving, caring partner.

[takusalord]

sorry for the totally late reply. i really appreciate your answer and I would like to provide you a small update.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, feel free to update away. You can share it here if you want. You can feel free to message me if you didn't want to share it all here, but if you share your updates here rather than in a direct message you give others a chance to possibly chime in as well. Either way, though, I'm more than happy to help if I can.