Need Advice for relationship issue

[berthow425]

First time posting and I try to make it as short as possible

Been in a relationship with my girl for close to 8 years now since high school, im still a collage student and she's working for 5 years now and we are at the same age. i have 3 parts in this

1st----Everything was fine but there's a habit of her pushing and forcing me to agree with her when she wants to go on a holiday(i have no funds but do earn some from part time jobs) not once but at least 3 times a year.

Every time she would "loan" me the money to the trip and i will have to pay back later on which she's trying to squeeze my pocket (discussed with her and fail to get the message)

2--She calls me in an annoying rate and wants a reply or respond like ASAP,told her the issue still tend to go back her old ways.If i ignore, the consequences is i have to pursue her back in order to talk to her normally (this has been going on for 6 years now)

3--Maybe time changes a person but i don't really feel that i love her the way i did few years back, but she stills cares,support and helpful which i did not return back as how she gave.

Tried asking tons of friends for advice and it all comes down to my decision, some say i should have broken up years ago cause as time pass its harder to be separated
My mom in particular dislike her as she saw her annoys me even when im at home thru the phone cause i'll be shouting and yelling at the phone.
She did mention about marriage and stuff but financially, im not even prepare for it, what is she thinking? her excuse was we are getting old and its harder to get kids on an older age( Her thinking)
I know sometimes saying is easier than taking action,but it turns out not to be.

[madotnw_nihs]

Seems like there are plenty of reasons for you to end the relationship. Is there any reason that you want to hang on?

[ulfrbrandr]

1. I dated 10 years with my gf we always give our money to each other without asking anything in return, we loved and cared so money was for us to share and do stuff together, in your case, that sounds lack of maturity on her behalf or even selfishness.

2. Careful here, possessive persons can bring you really low and waste your energy and welfare.

3. Time changes people indeed, but people will never change for the way you want them to be, we have our own personalities and no one should tell you to give up being who you are.

She wants to give another step on the relationship, but you my friend are attached to a routine. Are you happy? Is the relationship balanced you have your own opinion or is she the boss? What do you real feel about her? If it is gone, it is better to split, don't allow yourself more suffering.

[berthow425]

Seems like there are plenty of reasons for you to end the relationship. Is there any reason that you want to hang on?

well her parents were nice and kind to me,she's been randomly buying stuff and "taking care"(buys my groceries,help me out when im in trouble) of me. she even pays for my meal every time we eat out but do ask a simple fee at times.

Maybe im in fear of doing things myself and being single again? or im just being selfish.=/

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1. I dated 10 years with my gf we always give our money to each other without asking anything in return, we loved and cared so money was for us to share and do stuff together, in your case, that sounds lack of maturity on her behalf or even selfishness.

2. Careful here, possessive persons can bring you really low and waste your energy and welfare.

3. Time changes people indeed, but people will never change for the way you want them to be, we have our own personalities and no one should tell you to give up being who you are.

She wants to give another step on the relationship, but you my friend are attached to a routine. Are you happy? Is the relationship balanced you have your own opinion or is she the boss? What do you real feel about her? If it is gone, it is better to split, don't allow yourself more suffering.

wow,glad to hear it from u. (thx for the opinion)


Routines are fine to me as long its sustainable.i do have my own opinion but as usual when it comes to big decisions,she's the boss even she ask me for opinion, at the end of the day its hers.
The feelings are more towards commitment,yes love still lurks around but the flame is tiny.

[ulfrbrandr]

Maybe you should go clean with her and have a good conversation of why you are starting to feel miserable, routines after a while just burn out.
Good luck and take care

[rjkennedy]

Hi Berthrow425,

After reading your letter, the first thing came to my mind is "How can he go through 8 years, putting up with a controlling, woman like that?" (Hey, I call it like I see it)! But lets break it all down, based on how you listed things:

[URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] ) You claim "Everything was fine." But at some point, it all started going wrong. Over the years, this habit of being pushy and forceful was growing regarding these holidays. At this junction, why didn't you bring up these changes in her, to her attention? And also, the fact you really couldn't afford to go?

Her offer of lending you the money is only to keep something hanging over your head, that she could always throw up in your face later (which she does). Another act of being in control.

[URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] ) Her constantly calling is something she know annoys you! This immature chick loves being in control by telling you to respond back ASAP. (She does this because she know you'll do anything she wants. She loves to see you running behind her, just to talk (Why you let her treat you this way is beyond me? And for 6 years)!?

[URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3]#3[/URL] ) This is the only section where you finally said something that made sense. "You feel you don't love her.." Love should have been removed from the equation long time ago. She claims to "still care" and says whatever bull crap she thinks you'll believe.

Now when I sit back and analyze your story, I strongly suggest that you, my friend, need a confidence boost! You have to figure out why over the years, you allowed this immature, scatter brain to treat you this way? It would also help to visit my website. I've written some excellent articles involving your situation. You'll find my url below in my signature. Keep in touch! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[Hooo!]

Has she realised that this behaviour and situation is so bad that you have been on the verge of splitting up with her for quite some time?

[berthow425]

Has she realised that this behaviour and situation is so bad that you have been on the verge of splitting up with her for quite some time?

I doubt so and its been a very pushy situation where she gets to hold the handle and control this relationship

[Hooo!]

Then how can you sit here whining and expecting things to change if she sees no need?

How can you expect to be in a loving caring relationship when you can’t even communicate your state of emotions?

[bulrush]

> im still a collage student

Making collages can be lots of fun. Just use magazine pictures and such.

> She calls me in an annoying rate

So you're charging her for this? Is this legal? Sorry, I'm just joking.

> and wants a reply or respond like ASAP,

That's rude of her.

> Maybe time changes a person but i don't really feel that i love her the way i did few years back,

Well yes, but some people take a LOT of time to change. Sounds like she was raised to be rude and bossy. You can do better. Life is too short to put up with someone rude and bossy. If you have no money, if she really cared about you, she would pay for your trips together. She's is not treating you like a person, she's treating you like a pet to be controlled. You can find much nicer people out there.