Relationship issue?

[mzjay]

Hi, so i am currently in a relationship that i feel has done a complete 180 in the romance/sex department. Me and my partner have been together just over 2 years and we have lived together for about 1, although we just got our own place (no flatmates) in June this year and i feel that is when things began to change. He just doesnt seem interested in me like that anymore, we used to be intimate almost daily and now i have to initiate it all the time and i get denied most of them due to tiredness or some other reason. Its only when he is drunk he gets really into it which is great but i cant drink with him as i am 5 months pregnant so i find that a tad annoying. Ill also go to bed and ask him to come with me and he'll say something like he wants to watch tv a little longer, so ill go to bed and wait for him onl to go out to the lounge less than half an hour later to find him fast asleep.. Another thing he does that makes me wonder what the hell is going on is as soon as he wakes up, like within seconds, is jumps onto the laptop to play this stupid game where as it used to be me. I even say things like i wish you gave me half the attention you give that game, get shitty and leave the room and he just doesnt care he will continue to play the game for hours in bed, then just give me shit about being dramatic. I dont make to much of a deal over all this during the week as he does have work etc (although this never ever used to be a factor) but the weekends i just expect some attention. It doesnt necessarily have to result in sex although ofcourse i want that too but just some actual affection like he used to be like. I dont get what has happened, or what i should do, how do i fix this? He has also been going into work every sat, which i know sounds suspect but i have to drive him in and pick him up so i do believe that is what he is doing. I have tried talking to him - it seriously doesnt do anything he just thinks im creating issues where there doesnt need to be but ive been feeling like this for a while now and it doesnt feel good. Also another thing that i dont knw if it has anything to do with all this or not is in april he got done for drunk driving and it was such a stressful part of our relationship, i kindof gave him an ultimatum either me or alcohol so he stopped drinking and that was fine for a little while, then it wasnt so we compromised on a 6 pack a weekend and that was fine for a while and now its not.. so i dont know if he resents me for ll this maybe, or he is trying to make me think he is more passionate with alcohol streaming through his veins or he just actually needs to be half cut to love me i dont know!! Its driving me crazy trying to work it out. I have read that men can go off their pregnant girlfriends but i dont think this is it, well i hope not.. as i said im 5 months but barely showing yet. Any advice or insight would be much appreciated.

[smackie9]

It's because you are pregnant for sure...you don't look the same as when you met, he is freaked out inside that he has a responsibility coming soon (baby), and may not be too on board with it. The alcohol is an escape from this reality he is living in.....


Just have an open honest non confrontational conversation with him. Ask him honestly if he is turned off by your pregnancy. Is he feeling trapped by it. Id he considering wanting out of the relationship. What would make things better.

If he doesn't co-operate, pack your bags and leave for awhile so that he knows you are serious about this.

[smackie9]

btw saying " I even say things like i wish you gave me half the attention you give that game, " Is immature and totally wrong way to communicate with someone. He is right, stop with the drama. You just need to talk to him in a straight forward manner. Get to the point, and don't make snide remarks like that. I know you are angry and frustrated, but if you get aggressive like that, the wall goes up and everything gets shut down.....this is why everything is going nowhere.

If he does manage to say some honest things that might be hurtful, control yourself, shut up and listen. You need to put your emotions aside, maybe take a few minutes to think it over. If you act fair, he will be fair too.

[mzjay]

Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice, I will take it and try your suggestion.. i know it is immature things i say and how i act sometimes but you are right it is coming from pure frustration and confusion for that matter. I really hope this doesnt continue for to much longer and actuall i never thought about the stress of upcoming responsibility and how that may be affecting him so thanks for pointing that out too. It just sucks, Ive never been made to feel like this rejection is tough to swallow and for me to forget.

[smackie9]

He might be feeling a bit resentful because of the way you talk to him so try to approach him with empathy. Ask him how he feels about this or that, is he ok, say you see he's feeling a little down....make him know that this isn't just about you. Guys don't like to show vulnerability. They hide it by drinking or working late, or being absorbed in video games etc.....they do whatever to distract themselves.


Don't sweep it under the rug and think this is going to blow over....you need to swallow your pride if you want this to work.