Feeling bitter after finding out she got a boyfriend

[soul1211]

So yeah just as the title says. I met this girl on OkCupid in like November? and we've been talking on and off since then. I tried setting up a date with her in December, but she had finals apparently and was studying. I didn't hear from her for a week and messaged her again asking if everything is alright, she cave me some it's not you, it's me, thing saying she can't go out because she still has a lot of work to do. See, I'm not really good at the dating game, and tend to over analyze things way too much. I got heartbroken by the first girl I loved 3 months ago, I guess I'm still feeling the effects of being rejected.

Anyways, I said I'd give her time and she apparently really appreciated that and said we should get to know each other more and we'll decide after finals/vacation. Welp, that time came, I tried to give her space and go about my life, until yesterday I texted her somewhat salty in a respectful way saying something like it's disrespectful to ghost someone, because she didn't reply to me for over a week, I assumed she'd never get back as she almost always responds quickly. We talked and I think things were going my way, I was gunna finally set up a date I was exicted as I'd really enjoyed talking to her, well at least throught text. Then, I get hit with the "So the thing is I have a boyfriend now and I thought I told you about this before but I actually didn't I just checked the history....Just so you know i'm sorry I didn't say this earlier"

And yeah as soon as I saw this I got extremely bitter. Am I right to feel like this, I told her it wasn't right to lead me on and that it's rude to not take the other person's feelings into consideration.

She then keeps apologizing for blah blah. My real question is, what do I even do? Just stop talking to her? I tried being nice and respectful of her space and this is where it got me it seems. from what she sent me a few weeks ago she didn't seem to have a boyfriend, so how the hell does she get one when she's apparently studying hard for finals and going on vacation with family?

Yeah, I probably sound pathetic, but I just really expected something out of this. Who knows maybe she doesn't even have a boyfriend and is lying to me to shoo her off? I don't know either way I'm still pretty butthurt and want to tell her off, but I know that will take me know where just make me look bad. What was she really thinking, and what should I do from now on? Again, I'm not too good at this, so any advice would be appreciated, thanks guys

[GLYC]

You have much to learn young padawan. Never be butthurt, or tell women off, unless they truly are misstepping boundaries. She isn't, you haven't even gone on a date yet.

She wasn't that interested, she had some, but it wasn't FULLY there. Think about it like this, would you really let a busy schedule get in the way of you hanging out with a woman you were really really interested in? Nope. The truth is, everybody has time, it just depends on how much of a priority you are to them.

She possibly was talking to this guy at the same time as you, and it developed into something more, she might have been dodging things with you because there was a possibility with him. You might have been a backup (and there's nothing wrong with that in all honesty, she probably had more investment with him, and in those cases, she will pick him over you almost always).

Or it could be a ploy to get rid of you, but it doesn't matter.

What I would do is, send a message like "Well hey, i hope it all goes great, but if for some reason it doesn't work out, do call me, I'd love to see you and just see where things go, cheers"

[Yadi]

yeah man, stop talking to her. Go out and meet someone face to face. Internet dating sucks.

[soul1211]

You have much to learn young padawan. Never be butthurt, or tell women off, unless they truly are misstepping boundaries. She isn't, you haven't even gone on a date yet.

She wasn't that interested, she had some, but it wasn't FULLY there. Think about it like this, would you really let a busy schedule get in the way of you hanging out with a woman you were really really interested in? Nope. The truth is, everybody has time, it just depends on how much of a priority you are to them.

She possibly was talking to this guy at the same time as you, and it developed into something more, she might have been dodging things with you because there was a possibility with him. You might have been a backup (and there's nothing wrong with that in all honesty, she probably had more investment with him, and in those cases, she will pick him over you almost always).

Or it could be a ploy to get rid of you, but it doesn't matter.

What I would do is, send a message like "Well hey, i hope it all goes great, but if for some reason it doesn't work out, do call me, I'd love to see you and just see where things go, cheers"

Thanks for the reply! Yeah, probably wasn't a good idea to get mad, I said she was being rude/disrespectful and that she was leading me on. She just started apologizing haha. I'll do what you said though, it just seems weird I left on a bitter note idk lol. Also, in terms of like online dating do you have any advice on how to get a girl's attention, like with a first message? I've been using the cookie cutter "Hey! How are you? or Hey What's up?" as an opener but it doesn't seem to get many responses. It seems difficult using their profile as a basis and asking them something about it as an opener, as most women don't tend to share the same interests as me lol.

[GLYC]

The best advice I can give you is just make a solid profile. Be genuine with your intent, use a little humor. Write a good description about what you're looking for. Use good quality pictures that show you smiling and having fun.

As for messages, using "Hey what's up" is terrible. Women get a hundred messages a day, most of them are that.
Just make a comment about her profile "Hey I liked that you said this, this, I'd love to chat sometime"

It doesn't matter if she doesn't like all the same things you do, you can act and be intrigued by new things. In fact, I think that's great that you like different things, why be average when you can be amazingly different.

She'll probably at least look at your prpfile at that point and check you out. That's as good as you can do. At that point she'll either respond, or she won't and you won't have a chance. She just wasn't that into you.

Keep in mind, women have sooo many options, so don't take it personally.

Personally, I wouldn't devote a ton of time to it, outside of making a great profile (do out a good amount of work in that). Use it as a supplemental tool. Focus on your main goals and other areas in life while using it.

[Mr Married]

"being nice and respectful of her"......That's where you need to start.....with your very own words. You really need to move on. GLYC has some good points...be sure to read it a couple times and let it sink in.

Men get hurt by rejection more than they want to admit. Any interaction with her should be respectful and absolutely nothing else...no flirting, no deep emotions, no why or how come....

[madotnw_nihs]

Yeah, I agree with everyone's points. You have to develop a thick skin. Also don't invest all your emotions to someone you haven't even met yet.