At what point do you give up on a loving relationship?

[stuck12345]

If you have a loving relationship (for several years) but bf has issues with the truth when it comes to money, do you give him a 2nd chance, a 3rd chance, etc.? I have been proactive in verifying the truth and in most cases, have learned he is either really slanting the truth or outright lying. I really love him and I do believe he really loves me to his core BUT do I really have a future with him (i.e., living together)? In the last lie, he was using funds which technically he is authorized to use, but doesn't belong to him for something which wasn't a necessity and he isn't paying that bill. I asked him about it and he said it was debited from his own account; when I asked for clarification (because I knew it wasn't debited), he now wants to see me and tell me how he "made it right" and the truth must prevail because our relationship is worth it; and that he is and will be the man "I want him to be" and give me love and security the rest of my life. I am a forgiving person and I really love him, but how long do I let this go on???

I have caught him lying/stretching the truth about the extent of his debt several times over the last few years b/c he knows I always pay my debts on time and am careful with incurring debt. When he is caught, he makes promises/assurances, that he will improve the finances and he will come "clean" in the future. In the last instance, he used his mother's credit card (she is elderly); he is her power of attorney and while she gave him a card with his name on it, he has no intent to pay it from his own funds. While he is not flush in cash, he has enough to pay his own bills and he has his own credit cards. In the past, he has told me she "owes" him money from 10 years ago.

I need to add something as well: I've known him for 30 years and he seemed like a good guy and he has a really good family and friends BUT he was convicted of check kiting 7 years ago; should this change my decision? Is he really just a fraud??

Finally, I spoke to him in person tonight and he said everyone is different when it comes to money and he didn't think he was doing anything wrong and further, it slipped his mind he used his mom's credit card for 2 dinners. He then brought up when I dated someone else during our last breakup but it lasted a bit longer until I was sure we were back together. He says I probably dated others and hid it from him. I said do 2 wrongs make a right? The difference is I admitted to it and said I was sorry, but he has lied about his finances for several years and tells me he did so "to keep me". If I let him move in with me/marry me, am I not in for hurt?

What do I do now???

[madotnw_nihs]

You need to be a little clearer on the last issue. Is it like he has right to use money from a family's account, but he used it for a personal interest.

It's also not a healthy relationship that you need to be an auditor for his finances.

[stuck12345]

Because you have asked for more detail, here it is:
I have caught him lying/stretching the truth about the extent of his debt several times over the last few years b/c he knows I always pay my debts on time and am careful with incurring debt. When he is caught, he makes promises/assurances, that he will improve the finances and he will come "clean" in the future. In the last instance, he used his mother's credit card (she is elderly); he is her power of attorney and while she gave him a card with his name on it, he has no intent to pay it from his own funds. While he is not flush in cash, he has enough to pay his own bills and he has his own credit cards. In the past, he has told me she "owes" him money and she said he can use it when he wants to. All of this is very wrong in my opinion b/c next it will be my money if he moves in/marries me. Thoughts?

[madotnw_nihs]

Yes, I agree that this will most likely happen if/when you marry him.
Is your intention in the marriage to keep finances separately or will both of you be throwing it into the same pot?
While I don't agree with his financial behavior, it isn't necessarily wrong either. You just need to determine if he change or if you can live with this issue during your marriage.

[Hooo!]

So he can’t tell you the truth about a topic even if you ask?

How do you think this will change in the future?
If it does not change, would you be willing to live with the consequences?