She wants to a future , shoud i dump or not ?

[Late_vamp]

so most regulars probably know my story with my present GF . sorry for the long post in advance .

so heres the deal . i cant decide if i want to stay with her or if i want to dump my GF . i know we have only been together for 4 months but for 4 months this relationship is on an advanced level for both of us at least ...

see she's "in love" with me , she says she never felt like this for anyone else but me , sometimes i piss her off but she cant stay mad at me , she quickly goes back to being all happy with me . im the guy that got to "break her in " ...if you get my drift . she says she want to marry me and wants me to be the father for her children ...even tho her family wont accept it even if i change to their religion .

now i find that this relationship can barely be called a relationship at all . i cant call her , she barely calls me , i cant see her often , i get to see her about 2-3 times per week , usually about 1 in those 3 times it last 4-5 hours , the rest is only 2 hours . we are sexually active , i have had the most amazing sex with this woman , she was actually able to make me cum (even repeatedly) not like my ex ( who was my 1st) .

i seriously see it more like some type of more intimate dating than an actual relationship , of course she doesnt know this , for the first 2 months she keept considering braking up with me and even tried a couple of times , everytime she came back to me . i tolerated all of that , once she "tested" me and made me feel so sad about losing her even tho all along she just wanted to know how i would act if she really wanted to dump me , i think thats when i started considering this only as "temporary" . how could somebody that supposedly "loves you " play like that ?

she is a liar , even tho i can see she is trying now not to lie she still does it sometimes , or maybe she is just saying that and is making me think that , i have trust issues , i admit it finally ,i have been betrayed by many ppl , even by my own family , the ones i thought i could always trust . i have noone that cares for me truly . i have had trust issues with everybody since my teenage years , i think my past weed consumption helped to grow the paranoia . thank god i stopped all the drugs for about 2 years now .

she has cheated before , now with me but she confessed she did with her ex ( she had 2 BF before me... ) ... she cheated on her 2nd ex with the 1st ex . she never loved her ex , she never did anything with him , just holding hands . she cheated him because her ex kissed her , after a short while she realized what she was doing and pushed him away . she says that she regrets doing that . post about this on this thread : [url]http://www.loveforum.net/t11095-cheating.html[/url]

i know im bad for not telling her this , but i cant be an idiot and ruin everything for myself either . i have been to nice all along , i have to be a tiny bit selfish at some point . basically i do love her but i dont see a future with her .

she can easely lie and cheat on me anytime almost , there are always guys after her everywhere , even girls (lesbian friends) , she sees her exes at leats 3-4 times per year , her family are friends with her ex's families . so they have partys and they are always there , there are always guys proposing to her ( shes muslim and afghan thats why)

it is 10x harder to be with her when i could be with somebody else that could be super easy to date and to support a relationship with . i have everything going against me and i have been there all this time , i admit , if she really is faithfull and truthfull to me and if we get married she would be a wonderful wife and i would be glad to spend the rest of my life by her side . BUT she could also be the biggest waste of time and money , not to mention all that effort that im putting into this relationship , if it werent for my sacrifices it never would have worked out . i know i can never really know if shes 100 % faithfull and truthfull but she keeps doing things that i cant help to doubt if shes not playing around .

its hard to find a girl with her mentality and her understanding nowadays ... most girls just want to be all like "ohh lets go clubbing and getting shared by guys "
i know i could get that but i dont want that . we have LOTS in common , i think she is one of the rare persons that could truly understand me . i have known lots of ppl and dates btw if this helps .

thank you for reading , feedback is appreciated .

HELP LF members and friends !!!

[Vanilla Gilr]

Vamp...I'm truly not trying to be disrespectful, but how can she be "one of the rare persons that could truly understand me . " When she has no clue that you're thinking all these thoughts?

And I'm sorry...I really don't have advice for you...but I do have some questions based on your post...which of course, you can ignore...but you say that you "broke her in"...do you mean that you took her virginity?...and she's muslim....and you say "basically i do love her but i dont see a future with her . " and ya'll have only been together 4 months....why did you have sex with her so soon?

I mean, I know girls are losing thier viginity younger and younger...but for Muslims...isn't it a huge disgrace against the entire family? When you took her viginity...did you know that she loved you and wanted to marry you....and did she have any idea that you don't see a future with her?

Older women having casual sex is one thing...(still not a great idea cuz women attach more emotion to sex than men tend to at the begining)...but sex with a virgin....I wish more thought was put into it.

It's good to see you putting thought into this now at least...and being honest with yourself...my only advice would be continue to do that...and be true to yourself....sounds like you're going to really hurt this girl....I don't mean that you'll want to...just that your decision probably will....so do it gently...your actions will affect her more than you realize.

And in the future Vamp....and I'm sorry for sounding like your mom or something....but maybe take a bit more time getiing to know someone....hopefully falling in love with them....and then have sex....it doesn't gaurantee a successful relationship...but knowing where your heart is, can help you figure out the rest of the relationship issues.

Think long and carefullu before you act...and Good Luck.

[Carrie]

Vanilla Gilr has said it best...good luck!

[vashti]

Late Vamp - I think I told you before to leave the Muslim girl alone! If her family finds out what you have done, there could be hell to pay for you both (as I recall, you said her family was very traditional).

Obviously you have no future with her, so you ought not waste any more of this girl's time. You will meet other girls that aren't shallow if you surround yourself with good people.

[funsounds]

[off topic]

who on earth waits to fall into love before having sex these days? basically no one. people, young and old alike, fall into lust and have sex...and often (almost always) mistake lust for love.

and, seriously, you can't expect people to have much self control. i mean...look at this nation...this nation is largely overweight. most people don't even have enough self-control to stop eating when they're stomach is content...no, instead the keep eating till the get full or even worse until they feel like they're gonna pop.

[/off topic]

[Late_vamp]

ok i will take the time to answer all of each question .

>>but how can she be "one of the rare persons that could truly understand me . " When she has no clue that you're thinking all these thoughts?
<<

ok , she understands me in things that nobody else has even thought about , i know it sounds dumb but this means something to me , she doesnt see a big point in going clubbing for example , how many 18-19 y old girls do you hear saying this , yes she could go clubbing , she has had the opportunity before , but she would just feel retarded shaking all of her body and guys staring at her . just like i feel retarded going to a club , i feel like if we became cavemen again and are doing things without the slightest hint of intelligence . yes i can dance even if im not drunk .


>>do you mean that you took her virginity?...and she's muslim....and you say "basically i do love her but i dont see a future with her . " and ya'll have only been together 4 months....why did you have sex with her so soon?<<

complicated but i will respond , see she had a 1st bf , they went out for a while , she tought she was going to marry him,she loved him , then her emotions got the best of her and thats how he took her virginity away , they only had sex once , it obviously did not last long ( her being a recent virgin ) and they counlt have sex anymore because they never got the chance to see each other alone again , he then played her , meaning he cheated on her . she dumped him and embarassed him , she said that right after they were done having sex she started crying because she regret it and she felt guilty and dirty .

she did not have any type of intercourse for about 2 years , she saw a doctor , he told her that her vagina would close up BUT she couldnt become a virgin again only by medical procedures (duhh) . so she went out with another guy , she never even let him get near her pussy , they dated for about 6 months .

fast forward 6 months i come along , she was extremely attracted to me then i took her out as a friend but it was all so improvised and unexpected , not to brag or to make myself seem someway but i seriously think i charmed her on that day , i had no intentions of just going out with her just for sex , if i fell in love or if we were just friends then so be it were my thoughts .

the first couple of times we had sex it was very painful for her , she seriously felt like a virgin but she had warned me before that she was not . i got to "brake her in" ... because the first 4-5 times of having sex she would cry because of guilt , later on i made her enjoy it and now she is able to have sex with me guilt free and she only wants to do it with me , she says if she doesnt have me she will feel dirty and she will feel sorry for her future husband .she has told me her deepest secrets , theses are REAL types of secret ... i wont say it because it is shamefull and very traumatizing .believe me when i say that most guys would have bailed right there , but i stuck around ... why ? 2 reasons , i would have felt like a total bastard ass hole if i would have left her for that and i love her . yes it is a BIG discrace to her family if she gets married and isnt a virgin , her dad would kill her if he knew , i mean it . ( he went to the war afghanistan vs germany , yes he killed soldiers ) . believe me , i have put many hours of tought into this , even before i made love to her . i knew it would be something not to mess with , this is not a nice little 16 y old child's play **** date .

i know if i leave her it will cause lots of pain on her , but i dont know if i can be with someone i dont trust , yes she is muslim but it doesnt mean that she has to be a saint. it just means its harder for her to do things that are "bad" or normal for non-muslim ppl .

>>and I'm sorry for sounding like your mom or something....but maybe take a bit more time getiing to know someone....hopefully falling in love with them....and then have sex....it doesn't gaurantee a successful relationship...but knowing where your heart is, can help you figure out the rest of the relationship issues.
<<

i dont mind at all , i really appreciate it actually , i have a mom but i have never really had an actual conversation with her , she doesnt care about me and she wishes i were dead or something , 3 days ago she was about to call the cops on me and i did not do anything that was as a "crime" . i have never really had a father figure and my mom has never really been there for me , only when i was a baby . basically i was self taught , my sisters and brother never took the time to take good care of me , they were to busy with theyr lives , my closest relative is 5 years older than me and its my sister. wtv , i have always been alone and i think i will end up being like those old crazy lonely men that nobody seems to know .

when i was younger i seriously thought i would die before the age of 22 , why ? because i was in a screwed up way of life full of drugs and i did not care for anythiing , i tought i would have got shoot or stabbed by now ... well seems that a good GF CAN really change your path in life .

[Late_vamp]

Late Vamp - I think I told you before to leave the Muslim girl alone! If her family finds out what you have done, there could be hell to pay for you both (as I recall, you said her family was very traditional).

Obviously you have no future with her, so you ought not waste any more of this girl's time. You will meet other girls that aren't shallow if you surround yourself with good people.

see this is another thing , if i leave her i will feel extremely bad , i am the 1st person that she opened up to (she told me lots of things , even before sex)
i am the only person she knows that will listen to her and understand her , she cannot talk on the phone and she has no internet , i am one of her only outlets , actually i AM the only one right now .

nothing has ever gone her way , and im the only thing that makes her happy , see she was suicidal , (1st secret) ... she was going to commit suicide if i woulnt of had stepped in her life and given her a point to live . she actually tried to suicide once but she got caught . i cant say her other secrets , if only you knew then you would understand why i cant just leave this girl like that .

i cant leave someone knowing that they are suffering so much and im the only good thing in their life , even if im a bit unhappy i cant let myself do this , but its also bad if i keep this up , both for the relationship and me .

she could have a future with me , but it will be a hard path , or she can have an easy path but she wont love the man she will spend the rest of her life with . see she is being pressured into marriage .not forced just pressured . if she marries another guy and he isnt a virgin , he will know what a non-virgin and virgin girl feels like , once he finds out she isnt one , shes dead or divorced and banned from her family .

i know im in a quite a problematic situation . but seriously , it sounds worst than it actually is , plus she was ok with it from the start , i asked her if she was sure she wanted this and told her that it might not work out , she was fine with it and said she wanted to be with me , mind you , this was way before sex or even seeing her naked . she is amazing , if it wouldnt be for all these obstacles i would defenetly stay with her .

i do love her , i do find her attractive , she does piss me off but i cant stay mad at her for long, she pleases me , she knows how to cook well and we understands each other . she is probably the closest thing to my dream girl in terms of overall greatness . problem is , i dont trust her much because of her past , i also have trust issues and her family and culture gets in the way . not to mention financially it could be a disaster , we are both not very schooled ppl . we are wise and street smart and hard working but school wise isnt our major .

[Vanilla Gilr]

[QUOTE=funsounds][off topic]

who on earth waits to fall into love before having sex these days? basically no one. people, young and old alike, fall into lust and have sex...and often (almost always) mistake lust for love.

and, seriously, you can't expect people to have much self control. i mean...look at this nation...this nation is largely overweight. most people don't even have enough self-control to stop eating when they're stomach is content...no, instead the keep eating till the get full or even worse until they feel like they're gonna pop.

[/off topic][/QUOTE

It's your right to believe that no one waits to fall in love before having sex. It's your right to say that people don't have that much self control. These are your opinions...they are not facts.

I'm well aware that you disagree with me on alot. Your post on the other board pretty much gave your opinion of me. I hope you're not going to make a sport out of finding issues with my posts to other people.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Vamp,
I'm glad you took my post in the spirit that I intended it. You've got hard choices to make...I don't envy you.
And try...try to not judge her too harshly for her past...we all have one of those....and people can change...you know that....trust the person she is today(I'm not saying forget her past...just don't base too much on it)
I am around if you need to vent...can't promise any magic answers...but I can listen...again...Good Luck...and thank you for your candid answers...it did give alot of insight to the entire situation.

[funsounds]

[QUOTE=Vanilla Gilr]

I'm well aware that you disagree with me on alot. Your post on the other board pretty much gave your opinion of me. I hope you're not going to make a sport out of finding issues with my posts to other people.

oh no, i got nothing against you. in fact, that other boards thread was the first time i've noticed your handle. if we have disagreed prior to that, i was unaware cuz i hardly pay attention to who i'm replying to. and i was unaware i was responding to you in this thread either. the only reason i remember your handle now and the only reason i replied so harshly on the other boards was because you called me something like a pussy-boy or something like that...i just went off cuz i surprised at being personally attacked.

it's all good!

as for my post above...of course they are my opinions. 99.9% of everything posted at loveforum.net are opinions. but that's what we're here for...to get other peoples opinions.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Funsounds...technically I didn't call you a pussy-boy...but I was offended by your post saying to punch the girl in the mouth...as a survior of childhood sexual and physical abuse...I just don't find it funny...so you attacking my IQ etc. in responce...well..again...that's your opinion.

As for the rest...I'll mark it down to coincidence and be done with it.

[vashti]

as for my post above...of course they are my opinions. 99.9% of everything posted at loveforum.net are opinions. but that's what we're here for...to get other peoples opinions.

Some opinions are correct however, such as mine.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Some opinions are correct however, such as mine.

Gotta hand it to you...literally made me laugh out loud...thanx

[Late_vamp]

Vamp,
I'm glad you took my post in the spirit that I intended it. You've got hard choices to make...I don't envy you.
And try...try to not judge her too harshly for her past...we all have one of those....and people can change...you know that....trust the person she is today(I'm not saying forget her past...just don't base too much on it)
I am around if you need to vent...can't promise any magic answers...but I can listen...again...Good Luck...and thank you for your candid answers...it did give alot of insight to the entire situation.

wow , Thank You Vanilla Gilr . i sometimes need someone to listen , i have nobody close to me except for her and there are things wich i cannot talk to her about such as these subjects . Your asnwers have helped me to remind myself of things that i have tried not to forget and that i said to myself before . I really do appreciate your time in reading all of that .

Have a Happy New Year to everybody .

ps : Im planning on staying with her , altho im trying to have more trust in her , i know it will be hard and it will take long before she has all my trust . I just hope it keeps working out between us .

[Rob26]

Didn't you say you couldn't have a future together because of her religion? What's the point of staying with her then? The longer you're together the more likely you are to be "found out" which will screw her life up royally.