Walk away?

[Journey]

So I have started going to this church for about a month and I met this great girl. We have been out a few times and we have really hit it off. I feel there is chemistry even though we have just kissed and got kuddly. She then last night started asking me questions.
Turns out she is a virgin and does not want to have sex before marriage. I respect her wishes, but it would be hard for me as I have had sex with every girl I have been in a close relationship with. She's looking for the one and she digs me too like I dig her. I could see us being together and it being really nice. But I’m tempted to just walk away from this right now, as I'm afraid I might hurt her down the road.
I don’t know whether I could marry a girl that I have not gone all the way with. I don't even know if I'm ready to settle down yet, even though I'm 30 (she's 23). Sex is important to me in a relationship. Do I need to go all the way to know if she is the one? My gut tells me yes. But something tells me I would feel so bad to walk away because of this.

[Cybog]

You will feel even worse further down the road after the sexual cravings really start setting in. After you start making her feel guilty for not doing certain things. After she feels like she is "holding back" just for you.

You guys don't see eye to eye on a couple very very important things. There are tons of guys out there who are willing to wait until marriage, which you obviously aren't.

You also are specifically tailoring your religious beliefs to whatever seems to suit you, which will also cause problems down the line. How many other non-religious things do you do that she would abhor?

You would feel better in this with someone who you don't have to lie to for the rest of your life. Find someone who wants what you want - who wants to do things you want to do. Don't settle for some broad who isn't in the same boat as you.

[funsounds]

don't do it...for both your sakes...

you derserve to be with someone that can fulfull the sexual aspect of a relationship, an aspect that is very important to you. she deserves to be with someone with the strength and conviction to be completely ok with waiting until after marriage to have sex, which is something that is very important to her.

[xxwildchildxx]

Go with your gut. You'll really end up hurting her if you can't respect her wishes, and you should be with someone you feel comfortable with. If this is going to be a looming issue in your relationship then it is not worth going into.

[Bluevetteracer]

If she is the right one, then it will be no effort to wait, and you will actually want to wait as well.

You will never know if she is the one, unless you give it a shot. Hey, masterbating sucks, but it is sex with someone you love

She could very well be wonderful, faithful, loving wife.

[vashti]

No one can tell you whether or not she is worth the wait. You will have to decide that for yourself.

[ngwasuma]

Make it a simple friendship or walk away. Its may sound unfair. This is for both of you.

[blackiesharley]

I wouldn't walk away, I'd run. When I start hearing crap like that it's a major red-flag! Sex is critical to a relationship, religion or not. (Did you know that there are actually couples/swingers clubs for Christians only? True)

Tell her that when you start a convent you'll need a Sister. Until then, find yourself a real woman who will be more than willing to share intimacy with you and suggest that she finds herself a Monk or a Priest. (Preferably one that's not into young boys)

Sorry to sound harsh, but that fridged bulls**t doesn't fly with me. Dump her uptight ass quick.

[Only-virgins]

Walk away and send me her phone number.

[funsounds]

Walk away and send me her phone number.

if she's christian enough to save herself for marriage, she probably woudn't consder being with a non-christian. and i think you said you were a non-christian...might be remembering wrong.

die-hard, devout christians actually only consider dating christians...cuz the bible says something about christians shouldn't hook-up with non-christians....

pretty funny since most of the christians that i have met don't give a damn about the religious beliefs of their dating partners...and most of them don't give a damn about having sex before marriage. i was told by a christian friend that most people that go to church are just posers...

i got off topic...i think i do that A LOT around here...

[TAVS]

die-hard, devout christians actually only consider dating christians...cuz the bible says something about christians shouldn't hook-up with non-christians....

Catholics maybe but I wouldnt generalize all Christians that way.

i was told by a christian friend that most people that go to church are just posers...

Right............... Come on man. Yea, god fearing men who go to praise their god are not god fearing men.

Anyway, I think OV might convert for a virgin.

[funsounds]

Catholics maybe but I wouldnt generalize all Christians that way.

Right............... Come on man. Yea, god fearing men who go to praise their god are not god fearing men.

Anyway, I think OV might convert for a virgin.

dead serious...i used to go to church, but not anymore. but i still have some friends that are very devoted and faithful christians. there are quite a few protestants that believe in the bible...and they're virgins...and they won't date anyone that's not a christian and they won't date unless they can honestly see the possibility of a long term relationship.

as for posers...alright, my buddy used to go to this christian retreat every summer. i think it was in alma, michigan or something. and he used to tell me all the time that it was basically a sex camp with booze. just horny christians hooking up with horny christians. people getting drunk as **** way late at night. and people lighting up doobies in their rooms. then in the afternoons and evenings, these same people would come to worship or whatever...and startin praising God like some die-hard christian...throwing their hands up in the air and stuff...and acting all emotional about God and purity and stuff. some of them could even squeeze out some tears because they felt so close to the Lord. gotta say...sounds like some people deserve oscars...

so one summer...he didn't go. i'm like, "dude...whats up? how come you're not going to the retreat?" he goes on to tell me the annual retreat people, the organizers, have ended it. why? cuz the a few of the male counselors were caught ****ing a bunch of VERY young attendees the year before. so the organizers finally killed it...

this dude is like..."yeah, to be honest...those retreats aren't that different from church. most people pretend to be faithful. but when the cats away the mouse will play. they're NO different than non-christians...except non-christians don't pretend to be anything they're not."

i only attended church for a short time...but that does NOT surprise me at all. not to mention...i've met some people that profess to be christians at frat parties and stuff...yeah, right, they're God fearing...and I'm mickey mouse...

i don't know what else to call these people...except posers...

[TAVS]

Perhaps I read your post wrong....or misinterpreted. I thought you were saying, "If you go to church, you're a poser christian" as opposed to saying "Lots of church-goers are hypocrits."

But isn't that the point of the christan religion? Jesus died on the cross so we could repent our sins? That's the way I see my faith. I try to live as best I can, but as a human, I'm not perfect.....Sin happens.

Anyway; that's that. I have faith, but I'm not a religious debate kinda guy.

[funsounds]

Perhaps I read your post wrong....or misinterpreted. I thought you were saying, "If you go to church, you're a poser christian" as opposed to saying "Lots of church-goers are hypocrits."

But isn't that the point of the christan religion? Jesus died on the cross so we could repent our sins? That's the way I see my faith. I try to live as best I can, but as a human, I'm not perfect.....Sin happens.

Anyway; that's that. I have faith, but I'm not a religious debate kinda guy.

here's my take...and granted, this is coming from a guy that no longer goes to church...so take it however you want...also, i attended a baptist church so maybe other denominations have different views...

church is for sinners...we're all sinners...plain and simple. what separates those who are saved and those who are not is their belief in jesus christ and forgiveness of sin., right? accepting jesus christ as your lord and savior, right? alright...so this is how things have been preached to me: accepting jesus christ as your savior has a profound impact on your life. you enter into a relationship with the lord...it is one of love, christ is love. a person that enters this relationship with the lord is a person whose life has been changed. they give themsevles up to the lord and live for him. do they continue to sin? yes...but sin is a much smaller part of their life...and they repent constantly. i remember this analogy a pastor made...it's like getting married...you may have indulged in other women before the marriage but once you get married that stops because you love your wife...sure, maybe you falter by lusting after other women, maybe you even flirt with one, or kiss one, or heaven forbid even sleep with one...but it's not the same as before you were married. same with entering into a relationship with the lord...you sinned A LOT before, you maybe didn't even know what sin was or didn't care...but after accepting the lord and learning of sin, sin in your life is significantly curtailed...because you love the lord and you care about your relationship with the lord. these people...they spread the word not only through their lips but also by their actions, the lead by example. the let the lord make an example out of their lives.

people who claim to be saved but show no change in their lives...who indulge in all the same sins as before they claim to have accepted christ...indulge in their sins just as much as before they acccepted christ...these are people who will have to take up things with the lord in heaven when judgement day comes. these are people that the church i attended suggest to seriously re-examine their faith and their relationship to the lord. the pastor of the church said something interesting about how people are judged by the lord...the lord will judge those who have not accepted him and those who have accepted him...but he will judge one group more harshly than others and they are those that claim to have accepted him but did not honor his name. because these people did not only hurt their own souls but have done worse by driving non-believers away from the lord with their hypocrisy.

there was lots of other stuff too. i gotta say...it was interesting stuff...but then i read a book called the jesus mysteries that completely debunked the entire christian religion.

[bluesummer]

Not to sound crude, but I'm also a big fan of 'try it before you buy it', and could never possibly marry someone I'd never been physically intimate with. I believe it is just as much a part of the relationship as everything else.

In your case, Journey, you really only need to consider two points. One, your quote: "Sex is important to me in a relationship." And two, the fact she doesn't want to have sex before marriage. This is not a good mix. Either you're going to end up struggling with your sexual tension and ruining the relationship by consciously or subconciously trying to pressure her into it, or she's going to do it and feel guilty and make you feel like crap for 'coercing' her into it. Just leave it be and find someone whose ideals are on the same wavelength as yours. Otherwise, you're asking for trouble.