Can't figure out the girl that means so much to me (Long read, but please help)

[King_For_A_DAy]

For a SUMMARY:See POST 13


Thank you for reading all of this, if you do.

First of all, I'm 17 and a Junior in high school, this girl, Emily, is 17 and a Senior in high school (5 months older than me).

I just... I feel like it's meant to be between me and her, but I can't figure some things out. Here's my story (everything is in chronological order):

Part 1:
So me and this girl have been talking every night since October for an average of 4-5 hours. One day it was 12 hours. Well, apparently she liked me back in October "then got confused and didn't." I didn't let that end things though, like I said, we talk every day and night. We know each other inside & out, it's pretty crazy, but nice. Even when I'm at her house, I'm there for a good 6-10 hours. And last night we cuddled for 7.5 hours, it's 1 AM, state curfew's 11 PM, and today she tells me she didn't want me to leave, and when she went to bed she could still feel my arm around her "it was real nice."

Sometimes I just don't understand, though. The way we talk, it sounds like we're together, and everything we have in common (which is a lot), the same values, same views on life and relationships, same views on so many things. The way we talk, it's always "honey," "dear," "love," "sweetie," stuff like that. She's always saying "you're so good to me." or "you're so sweet," "you're so cute," "aren't you cute," "aww, you're so dang sweet." It just feels like we should be something more than friends, but sometimes she says things to me that sounds like she doesn't want to go there.

For instance, I'm over her house yesterday, we were cuddling for a full 7 and a half hours. Now, before yesterday, I've said things to her that could possibly make her think more, like I'm really good for her, you know? Well, during this cuddling she made herself real cozy, fell asleep a few times, reached her arm over and rubbed my stomach, etc. I figured this was good, and that meant she was thinking of more than just friends too, but today we were talking and both saying how great it was, then later she says.

Emily: i kind of felt guilty. is that weird?
me: why?
Emily: i dont know...i mean looking at us doing that, it would look like we're a lot more than we are, you know? So i just felt guilty doing it kinda when we're not. i just wondered if that was an okay thing to do when there's nothing really 'going on' with us.

But she says she wants to do it again, and later says how she was thinking about it and how great it was.

I honestly think she's never met anyone as good as me, and I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything. I just don't think she's met anyone that cared for her as much as I do and thinks she's beautiful like I do. Hell, I wish her sweet dreams every single night.

She also had this 3 month relationship during the summer with some guy that just ditched her and completely avoids her now with no explanation. So that might factor in.

She's always telling me how she's surprised that I care about the littlest things with her. Like when she goes to the doctors, I'll text her during school, she says it makes her smile. She just can't believe I care like that because no one else does.

She also doesn't think she is pretty or beautiful. I told her she was beautiful, she said "That's the last thing I'd ever call/think of myself"

She tells me she just doesn't see it, and she doesn't know how i see it. She's told me I'm a lone wolf on that one, I'm kind of crazy (which i then told her i wouldn't want to be sane), and that she doesn't completely believe I think she's beautiful.

Man, it's just, when I'm around her everything feels right. I'm going back over her house next weekend for probably another 8 hour cuddling session. I just think she fears of losing me if we took it to more than just friends.

I feel like when I go over there next weeked I'm going to look her in the eyes, tell her she's beautiful, then tell her everything I feel for her. I just hope she doesn't reject me... again...

If you have anything to add, advice, whatever, feel free. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Edit: this is her, [url]http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...iendID=27969859[/url]
P.S. I'm "Mike" on her myspace.

Also, before this year, before that 3 month relationship with that piece of crap, I couldn't see her dating anyone else. So, maybe she's nervous?

Part 2:
Here's another bit of info, okay, so back in the summer she was with a guy for 3 months, and like I said, he just stopped talking to her for no reason and she was left with no closure and a "wtf happened" kind of mentality. Well after him, she had a thing with a friend of mine, Mike. Mike was real reserved, it took him 2 months just to hold her hand. She called things off with him in September. October rules around, we get close to each other, and I think I've already done more with her than any boyfriend she's ever had. So, I think that could have turned her off to the whole dating thing, because I think she's said it before.

But man, when we're cuddling for all those hours, she just looks so cute, comfortable, and happy. I am going to ride it out and see where things go. She tells me whatever we have, she really likes it, so... If it's supposed to workout (like I think it is), then it will.

Ehh, and she's going to Boston for college after this year (she's a senior, I'm a junior, but we're only 5 months apart). Everything works out in the end, usually, so I will leave small indications like Switch said. And I didn't actually mean all girls are complicated, I don't normally think that, it's just things are different with Emily. I've never felt this way before about someone.

Part 3 (a conversation)

Mike: i don't want to make someone that loves me so much
Mike: feel badly
Mike: so maybe i'll skip the party this round
Emily: oh.
Emily: OHHH.
Emily: well aren't you considerate
Emily: of my feelings.
Emily: BUT
Mike: i am
Mike: i am
Emily: it's only cos you love ME so much
Emily: too!
Emily: so
Emily: freaking
Emily: there.
Mike: do you think?
Emily: i kind of know.
Mike: hmm
Mike: how?
Emily: um.
Emily: you LET me fall asleep on you.
Emily: and
Emily: i bet you LIKED it.
Mike: um
Emily: um what?!
Mike: busted...?
Mike: you?!
Emily: YES!
Emily: you ARE!
Mike: so what's that supposed to mean?
Mike: just cause you fell asleep
Emily: um no,
Emily: the fact that you LET me and LIKED it.
Mike: so what's your point?!
Emily: kay,
Emily: PROBABLY if you make sure i'm comfortable enough,
Emily: if you put forth the effort,
Emily: so that i'd FALL ASLEEP on you
Emily: i THINK THAT'S
Emily: MY POINT.
Mike: you loved it as well
Mike: so
Mike: there!
Emily: don't do this,
Emily: we've already covered that i did.
Emily: i'm talking about YOU.
Mike: FINE.
Emily: so this is you admitting it, yeah?
Mike: BUSTED.
Emily: i knew it!

This was my plan for Saturday, 1/21/2006:

I bought her a little stuffed puppy that I'm going to give her tomorrow. I'm going to surprise her, tell her how I feel, and ask her. It's for the best I feel.

[King_For_A_DAy]

Well, it didn't exactly work, but the cuddling this time, she was laying in my lap for the majority of the time. It's as follows:

Part 4:
Okay, so here's the story. So we're cuddling for like 7 hours at this point.

"I get nervous when you touch my stomach."
Do you not want me to?
"It feels nice, I just get nervous you're going to find out I'm fat."
Emily, you're the furthest thing from fat.
"That's not true."
It's completely true.
"How can you say these things when they aren't true."
Because they are.
"According to you I'm beautiful and I'm not fat. I just don't get how you can say these things."
I can say them because I see them and know they're true
"You're the only one that thinks this and the only one that's ever said this"

That conversation went on for a while. She kept saying how they weren't true, so I sat her up, put my hand on her face, turned her toward me, looked her in the eyes, told her "You're so beautiful, Emily." she turned away. "Hey, don't turn away. Emily, I've never cared for someone as much as I care about you."

Emily: Maybe you shouldn't. (as she burries her face)
Mike: What?
Emily: Nothing's going to happen
Mike: Why?
Emily: I just don't want a relationship right now. It's not just you.
Mike: Things would hardly be any different from what they are right now. I mean, what we do right now already feels like more than friends.
Emily: I know, and from doing all this I know it would work between us. I just feel don't want that attatchment right now. I don't want a label on it.
Mike: We don't have to call it anything.
Emily: But I'd know in my head. I feel bad I can't even give you a real reason or explain why I don't want a relationship with anyone. I just don't. I don't want things to change either, I really like the way they are.
Mike: Things don't have to change.
Emily: Why can't things just stay like this?
Mike: Emily, they will. No matter what.
Emily: I can't explain to anyone what we have, not even Dayna.
Mike: Tell me this, if you had a boyfriend right now, would you be doing this?
Emily: No, and that's why I know it would work between us. I just don't want that in my life right now. Can't things just stay the same.
Mike: The will and they are.
Emily: Are you sure? You could come over here again and spend 9 hours on a couch with me knowing nothing's going to happen?
Mike: Yes, Emily, things aren't going to change. You know I'm always here for you.
Emily: I just feel bad because I don't want you waiting around for me.
Mike: Well, you are worth waiting for.
Emily: But what if it never happens?
Mike: I... I don't know. But if ever down the road, you're want a relationship, you're single, I'm single, and you want to give it a go, I'll be here.
Emily: Alright. I just... don't know when that'll be. And it's not even like I want to "play the field" or anything. I just don't want that relationship in my life.
Mike: Emily, it's fine. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.


There was more to that, but you know. Then we went upstairs to the door, had a big hug, whispered in her ear "nothing's going to change." Then I gave her the puppy and she hugged me again.

So, I don't know. I'm just going to let things keep going the way they were/are.

...And there's more...

Part 6:
All I know is, she has some issues to work out and some growing up to do, I think. She let's what other people think affect her too much. I took everything she said as a "no." A "no" I can move on from, and "I don't know." or "maybe in the future," I can't move on from. I'm going to back off her. I mean, she told me I shouldn't care about her so much.

I'll lay off her, slowly stop all the affection I show her and see what she does. If it's meant to be, it'll happen someday, but I'm not going to continue pursuing someone that does what she does. In the end, I'd just end up getting hurt.

It's a shame, though. I know it would work, she knows it would work, but there're just some things she needs to get past first. If anything, I'll get a great best friend out of this. I don't want to dwell on this, but maybe once she moves out for college up to Boston (we live in PA) she'll do a lot of growing up, come back from break and realize what she's missed out on with me. Again, that's about a half a year away, I can't put my life on hold for that long.

Part of me also thinks she knows no one has ever been as good to her as I am, and if we were to be in a serious relationship and something went slightly sour that I'd just leave her and she'd lose me completely. So by not getting serious she thinks she'll never lose me. I don't know.

I just need to quit the persistence towards her and let things unfold the way they should. I just don't think I could do the 8 hours of cuddling with her anymore, I think it would wear on my feelings too much.

These following conversations all took place on Saturday, the day I expressed my feelings towards her,

Part 7:
She's incredibly indecisive and she says that she is.

When I was telling her she was beautiful and she wasn't fat, she kept disputing me. Saying
"that's not true."
"how can you honestly say these things when they just aren't true."
"i think i'd know, mike. i know me."

"there're just so many things wrong with me."
Emily, there's nothing wrong with you at all.
"see, how can you say that? Everything's wrong with me and I'm going to fix it."
What do you mean... fix it...?
"surgery"
Emily, don't say that. Don't you ever say that.
"nothing major, just the little things that are wrong."
Like what?
"everything"
Emily, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
"I don't see how you can say these things. You're the only one that thinks this way and says these things."

That stuff was all pre-"the talk."


Then today (1/22/2006) we got to talking about it again,

Mike: you can tell me, you know
Mike: if something happened to you
Mike: that makes you feel teh way you do
Emily: oh i know i could
Emily: but nothing has
Emily: iv'e just always felt a certain way about myself
Mike: and i guess i don't get how you just don't want a relationship with anyone, period
Mike: there has to be some other reason
Emily: well it's not like i've sworn them off forever or anything
Emily: i just don't want one now
Mike: you're sure that's the only reason?
Mike: you aren't just sugar-coating anything?
Emily: if you mean
Emily: something about you i have a problem with
Emily: no
Emily: i'm not sugar-coating anything
Mike: okay
Mike: then i believe you
Mike: i just needed to know, you know?
Emily: of course, yeah
Emily: i'm glad you believe me
Mike: i do
Mike: you're one of the sweetest people i've met, ever
Emily: i hope you find someone else, really
Emily: cos i suck
Mike: i don't know
Mike: i just think you might have some things you have to work out in your life
Mike: i could be wrong.
Emily: yeah, i know i do,
Emily: i dont know how closely any of it relates to this
Emily: but yeah
Emily: i mean,
Emily: i suck for you, cos you're so sweet and i'm just pushing it away
Emily: so i hope you find someone you can be sweet to who won't
Mike: yeah, alright.
Emily: i do appreciate you though, i hope you know
Mike: it's when you say things like that, i just don't get it
Mike: yeah, i know
Emily: it's just not what i want right now
Emily: that's all i can say
Emily: and
Emily: i was thinking about what you said, how it just feels right
Mike: right
Emily: and i realized that it's never really totally felt that way to me
Emily: it always felt good,
Emily: but there was always something in the back of my mind
Emily: and again
Emily: it's nothing you did, it's just me and what i don't want
Mike: what's in the back of your mind though?
Emily: i couldn't even tell you
Emily: it has never felt right though
Mike: alright
Mike: at least i know how you felt
Emily: i liked it,
Emily: but i always felt bad about doing it cos it didn't feel right
Mike: if that's how you feel, then that's how you feel
Emily: yeah
Emily: thanks for being so good about it
Mike: it's just, doing what we did
Mike: most friends, at least friends i know, don't do that
Emily: i know
Emily: and that's why i felt bad
Emily: cos i don't want a relationship
Mike: right
Emily: and that was all very relationship-like stuff
Mike: yeah

Then later on:
Emily: so we're good?
Mike: yeah
Mike: we are
Emily: good
Mike: just snap back to where we were
Mike: not let things get weird after this
Emily: minus the heavy flirtation/cuddling, maybe
Emily: yeah no, i don't want weird

So, yeah.

[King_For_A_DAy]

These are my thoughts and discussions with a friend on Monday, 1/23/2006:

Part 8:
I'm just not sure what I'm going to do. I just want to be there for her, period.

I told the whole thing to my girl friend Jackie, whom I've known for 5 or so years. She told me that she's been where Emily is right now, not wanting a relationship and all the things she says and feels about herself. Jackie tells me that since she's been where Emily's been, she knows what she's feeling. She says the way Emily feels is most likely because of a bad relationship and/or abuse in her life. She really thinks something has happened to Emily in her life that makes her feel the way she feels. She said the best thing for me to do is just be there for her and let her know that I'm always there. Jackie also says that I should just continue with her the way it's always been, constantly reassure her of her beauty and such. She agreed with me on the part of:

"Emily seriously probably hasn't ever had someone as good to her as I am."

She says that Emily probably does feel like she isn't worth having me (which has come up on several instances). It just feels easier now that I have some insight from a girl that's been where Emily is and has gone through what Emily is going through.

I told Jackie everything. Everything. And she honestly thinks that Emily likes me "and if you really do love her, just be there for her and things will work out the way they should."

It's just best not to pressure her into anything like Innovative said, and Jackie agrees. Ahh, it's funny, Jackie says she wishes all guys were like me.

So, what I'm going to do is not change a thing with Emily. I'm going to always be there for her and just act completely normal, like nothing's changed.


Emily wasn't at practice today, but I saw her in school. First thing I did when practice ended was I called her. Told her I missed her at practice, asked how she was doing, then we were off and talking for a good hour and a half just like we always have. At the end, during the goodbye's I reminded her "Emily, I just want to remind you that I'm always here for you, no matter what."

And I just felt the need to ask about the cuddling, even though I shouldn't have. She said even though she liked it a lot, she said she always felt like "What am I doing?"
She said she doesn't know if the cuddling is that great of an idea anymore, but she doesn't know, "we'll see."

I'm just not going to pressure her anymore on anything. I just want to be there for her and let her know that she can open up to me on whatever she's gone through, whatever baggage she's carrying, whatever issues she has, I want her to know she can tell me anything and I'll never abandon her.

She still wants to hang out and such at her house, she just isn't sure about the cuddling.

And the final chapter thus far, at least:

Part 9:
I'm going to quit the midnight-1 am-2 am late school nights just talking to her. That's bad. Plus, she is trying to get herself back on track. She's going to start eating real meals of real food again (she's been eating just mostly crackers and pretzels), she's going to bed at earlier times now (as opposed to midnight and 2 am), and she's going to try to get healthy to start running again. Just playing it by ear, letting her figure out what she needs and has to do.

If you took the time to read all that, thank you very much. I'm just torn as what to do with her. I mean, she did like me at one point, and I still feel like she does today. I just honestly feel like I'm so good to her, and no one's ever been there and been this way to her before like I am and have been. So, I really think that she's just afraid of losing me completely. Like if we were to get serious, and something went slightly sour, I think she thinks I might just up and abandon her like that one kid did. I wouldn't do that, I could never do that. I just... I want to be there for her and find out why she's so hard on herself, like if something traumatic had happened to her. I just care about her so much, more than she'd ever know. I truly feel like I love her, and not just in a silly teenager way, you know?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Late_vamp]

SHIT ... good luck buddy because im not reading all THAT , we dont want a book , give us a resume or something , not the story of your life .

[King_For_A_DAy]

Hahah, sorry. I was just doing some quick copying of things because it's so late. I'll type something that makes sense tomorrow.

[TyRuK]

ok i actually read that so if this is bullshit im gonna hunt you down. so anyway just let this thing run its course. im sure you will be with her somewhere down the line you just gotta take it easy. as the eagles so rightly said

[King_For_A_DAy]

This is not bullshit. I just found this place last night.

I'll type a summary later for those not willing to read, but for those that are reading right now, thank you.

Thanks, TyRuk.

[Rosebud]

I mean you already told her that your fine with leaving things the way they are and that your willing to wait for her? But if your not, then you need to move on and tell ehr you don't want to wait. yes there's consequences to both but what is it you want?

I know your only going by assumptions but you can't base what your going to do in your life on somethign she can't give you a reaosn for. There is a reaosn and she knows it but doesn't want to tell you. So on that note, do you want tot ake a chance with her knowing what you think is the problem could very well not be?

[King_For_A_DAy]

I mean you already told her that your fine with leaving things the way they are and that your willing to wait for her? But if your not, then you need to move on and tell ehr you don't want to wait. yes there's consequences to both but what is it you want?

I know your only going by assumptions but you can't base what your going to do in your life on somethign she can't give you a reaosn for. There is a reaosn and she knows it but doesn't want to tell you. So on that note, do you want tot ake a chance with her knowing what you think is the problem could very well not be?

Well, the way I feel about her, I can wait. I really think she just has some issues/problems she has to work through and I want to be there for her. She's already started getting back on track, she's starting to eat real meals again, she's going to bed much earlier.

I'm just going to act the same towards her, the way I always have. I'm going to be there for her, but I won't pressure her with anything anymore. I'll just let things unfold organically.

I mean, she liked me way back when, made some moves on me one night, then 2 nights later acted completely different. I, and my friend Jackie, feel that she's just afraid, and afraid of what I might do if something went "bad" or if I would change. I mean, it's clear Emily likes me more than just a normal friend would, all the cuddling, if you would've seen us or even just her, you'd be able to tell.

I pretty much know for a fact that the 2 relationships before she met me were her only 2 relationships, and yes, they were ****ed up.

The first relationship she and this kid had something going for 3 months during this past summer and "it was clear they were going out," but when she wanted to talk to him about it, just for some confirmation, he said nothing, left for vacation for a week, came back and now completely avoids her to this day. So she has no closure on that one.

The other one was with a semi-friend of mine. This lasted 2 months, and it took him 2 months just to hold her hand. He was very controlling of her and, in short, he's just strange.

So basically, she's never had a normal or real relationship, so I think that's part of the reason as to why she would be afraid.

Like I said, I'm just going to be there for her like I always have. Once she realizes things, she'll come to me. If it's meant to be, then it'll happen. She's already said she knows it would work.

I just honestly feel that she's afraid. She thinks into things so deeply that anything good becomes bad, and she worries all the time. Plus she's stressed a lot.

And right now she's going through some health issues, too. So, that doesn't help.

[theotherguy0123]

Omg she's right she is fat lol j/k. Well you definitely love her lots, I mean you come on here and and write a 20 page summary about ur relationship with her. Anyways, you seem like a nice guy, when she finally matures, I guess she will have a relationship with you. Yeah and don't push things. Btw, how old are you two?

[ndru]

OMG man so long i read up to the 7 and i give up to much just to much and i have been in that situation, i ask the girl why can't we have a relation she says " i just denie my self from it " lols damz >.< and i dont c any pics of u guyz where???!!

[King_For_A_DAy]

Okay, summary:

I'm 17, Junior in high school. She's 17, Senior in high school. There's a 5 month difference.

So me and this girl, Emily, started talking back in October. She started getting real close and cozy to me, then all of a sudden 2 days later said she wasn't sure of what she was doing. We kept up with talking and everything. We talk about an average of 4 hours a day, one day we even talked for 12 hours.

Well, December 9th(?) she was in New York for a school trip for three days. We texted each other back and forth for hours on end. When she came back I told her that I in fact liked her. She didn't really give me a straight answer, but she told me back in October that she liked me. Well, needless to say we weren't "going out."

Now it's 3 days after Christmas (December 28) and I go over her house. I was there for 10 hours, and 2 of those hours were cuddling, but more of a stationary cuddling. Like, we were both sitting up, but she was just kind of in my arm leaning on me.

So a few weeks after that I go over her house again. This time I'm there for 8 hours, but 7.5 hours out of that 8 was cuddling. This time she was more comfortable, she was turned into me with her head resting down on my chest with her arm around my stomach/back rubbing. I was betting her hair and rubbing her stomach and such.

Next day she tells me how great it was and how when she went to sleep it was real nice because she could still feel my arm around her. She said we should do it again. So a week later (January 21) I go over. This time I'm there for a total of 9 hours. The first 8 was cuddling. This time she was even more comfortable, she was laying down with her head in my lap for the majority of the time, and again I was petting her hair and rubbing her stomach.

During this time, I told her how beautiful she is. She couldn't accept it. She disputed all nice things I was saying for quite a while. She said me rubbing her stomach makes her nervous because she "doesn't want me to find out she's fat." I tell her she's not fat, she isn't anything she says about herself. She says she's ugly and begins to hide her face. I have to physically restrain her from covering her face, she was that adiment about it. I sat her up, looked her in the eyes and told her how beautiful she was. All she could do was look away and say "how can you say these things when they aren't true." She doesn't say these things cause she wants attention, she says them because she really has no self-esteem, seriously. So I honestly believe that she's just afraid because she hasn't had a "real" relationship (and by 'real' I mean 'good'). She couldn't say any of the things she was saying and look at me. The only times she could look at me was when she said "I know it would work between us" and "Why can't things just stay the same? Why do things have to change?"

I'm thinking something had to have happened in her life that made her self-esteem non-existant. I just don't know what. I think she's afraid that if we got serious and she did something slightly wrong I'd just up and abandon her completely. Also, she probably thinks I would change, and I know she doesn't want that. She said "you're the sweetest person I've met, ever." And she was serious when she said it. I'm honest when I say I don't think anyone's ever been as good to her as I am. She told me I'm the only one that has ever called her beautiful/not fat/pretty/amazing, and that I'm the only one that has ever thought that way about her. I just want to be there for her and help her through whatever it is she is going through/needs to fix. She's too special to me and I care far too much about her.

We continue talk a lot, and everything feels fine, just like it's always been. I think sticking with it is best for me.

[alice]

I'm thinking something had to have happened in her life that made her self-esteem non-existant.

looks like you've figured it out for yourself already. she really seems to lack self-esteem. i don't know, if you can do anything about it other than being patient and reassuring and whatever you have to be to help someone build up their self-esteem. just don't get pushy and refrain from making negative remarks about anyone's looks in her presence.

[King_For_A_DAy]

looks like you've figured it out for yourself already. she really seems to lack self-esteem. i don't know, if you can do anything about it other than being patient and reassuring and whatever you have to be to help someone build up their self-esteem. just don't get pushy and refrain from making negative remarks about anyone's looks in her presence.

Yeah, even last night she said her mom was on her case again. I asked "why?"

(she wants to be a screenwriter)

Emily: She wants me to apply to some college whose deadline was 10 days ago. I told her it was pointless and retarded. Then she started to flip out."
Me: Oh, but I thought you were a shoe-in for Emerson.
Emily: haha, I wish. I highly doubt I'll get in there. It's just my number one choice, that's all. I highly doubt I'll get in anywhere. I'll have to go to Pitt and kill myself."
Me: Oh come on! You're so smart!
Emily: Kay, compared to the thousands of other people that apply to the schools I applied to, I'm relatively unimpressive.
Me: Doubt it.
Emily: With my lack of jobs and community involvement. Yeah, I am.
Me: You'll be fine.
Emily: Not like I've even done anything artistically sweet that I can show them. Oh well.
Me: Hey, relax. You'll get into a school you want.
Emily: I'm seriously doubting it, but whatever.
Me: Emily, you will.

She's seriously so smart, and one of the smartest girls I've ever met.

Man, her self-esteem is shot.


Oh... and... I kind of blew that last sentence, about not putting other people's looks down. She was giving me a bunch of celebrity females that she thought were so pretty and would kill to look like. Now, honestly, they weren't that great, and I said that. I told her she'd be crazy to kill to look like anyone. She said "are you insinuating that I have anything on these women? If you are, you're crazy." I said "Emily, I don't want to be sane then."

Ah, and about the health issues. She had to go downtown to take a stress test today. I texted her last night so she'd get it when she woke up. You know, something to ease her mind. I don't think she's home yet, though.

Oh, for the pics. Here's her Myspace: [url]www.myspace.com/this_is_emily[/url] I can be seen on there as 'Mike'

Here's a direct link to her pictures:
[url]http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=279 69859&MyToken=a03127b8-5ad2-41ac-824c-b92fc5254f46[/url]

[Bigg Boss]

Yeah, even last night she said her mom was on her case again. I asked "why?"

(she wants to be a screenwriter)

Emily: She wants me to apply to some college whose deadline was 10 days ago. I told her it was pointless and retarded. Then she started to flip out."
Me: Oh, but I thought you were a shoe-in for Emerson.
Emily: haha, I wish. I highly doubt I'll get in there. It's just my number one choice, that's all. I highly doubt I'll get in anywhere. I'll have to go to Pitt and kill myself."
Me: Oh come on! You're so smart!
Emily: Kay, compared to the thousands of other people that apply to the schools I applied to, I'm relatively unimpressive.
Me: Doubt it.
Emily: With my lack of jobs and community involvement. Yeah, I am.
Me: You'll be fine.
Emily: Not like I've even done anything artistically sweet that I can show them. Oh well.
Me: Hey, relax. You'll get into a school you want.
Emily: I'm seriously doubting it, but whatever.
Me: Emily, you will.

She's seriously so smart, and one of the smartest girls I've ever met.

Man, her self-esteem is shot.


Oh... and... I kind of blew that last sentence, about not putting other people's looks down. She was giving me a bunch of celebrity females that she thought were so pretty and would kill to look like. Now, honestly, they weren't that great, and I said that. I told her she'd be crazy to kill to look like anyone. She said "are you insinuating that I have anything on these women? If you are, you're crazy." I said "Emily, I don't want to be sane then."

Ah, and about the health issues. She had to go downtown to take a stress test today. I texted her last night so she'd get it when she woke up. You know, something to ease her mind. I don't think she's home yet, though.

Oh, for the pics. Here's her Myspace: [url]www.myspace.com/this_is_emily[/url] I can be seen on there as 'Mike'

Here's a direct link to her pictures:
[url]http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=279 69859&MyToken=a03127b8-5ad2-41ac-824c-b92fc5254f46[/url]

Wow. What the f*** happened to her to make her have such low low low self esteem? Must've gotten a STD from her last boyfriend or somethin because that makes no sense.

And for the part about how she doesn't think she'll make it w/ Emerson, you should really get her to read the book "Think and Grow Rich". If not the whole book then at least the first 40 pages. She'll get something out of it