New GF is driving me mad!

[Confused2005]

So what do you lot think!...read and tell me...

I have now been seeing this girl (woman really, she is 35 and I am 29) for about the last 6 or 7 weeks.

Things were going great and then last Tuesday I got a dear John email.

OK, I can handle being dumped....but by email...after 6 weeks (and after meeting her familly, etc) should I expect a more personal dumping?

This seems pretty harsh to me...and blatantly an unpleasant and inconsiderate thing to do.

Why are people so nasty?!?!? Are people really so much of a wuss they cant tell you on the phone or to your face?!?!?!

Well, never one to lie down and take it I have sent her a few text messages and called her mobile a few times asking for her to talk to me....she has not even ansered my phone calls or replied to my text messages.

Although she did reply by text saying she would talk to me....then when I called her back she never answered...WTF!

Its not right to treat people like this is it?!?!?

Well anyway, I have now decided to just go round her house...I know I sound annoyed and irritated now...which I am....but I am actually pretty chilled out.

I have no illusions of starting the relationship again...but I need answers to just help me move on because I did really like her.

I just wanted to know if anyone thought I was weird for needing to hear some answers to this one, either on the phone or in person...would any of you would feel the same and feel the need to go around her house?

Cheers.

[Pears]

I think that most people would feel angry and frustrated and would want to know answers if they were in your situation.

However, I think going after her is a bad idea. She made it clear that she does not want to talk to you by not answering her phone and text messages.

If you went to her house and forced her to speak, she probably would not want to. If she wanted to talk to you, she would have done it already.

It's very hard to just forget about a situation like this. If you want things to get better, you'll have to calm down first. It's hard to be reasonable when you're angry.

[Nice guy]

OK, I can handle being dumped....but by email...after 6 weeks (and after meeting her familly, etc) should I expect a more personal dumping?

Yes but don't feel too bad, I've gotten two emails like that already...

[Confused2005]

I dont really feel angry...I am dissapointed because I put everything into doing things right and I didn't do anything wrong.

But you are right I am frustrated.

I know my post sounded like I would not be reasonable when I saw her...but really I would be.... Fortunately I come across far harsher in text than what I do in real life :-)

I just cant help feeling I didn't deserve this.

Even a phone call from her would satisfy my frustration...but she wont even give me that.

I thought I meant more to her than this.

[meguin]

She's not even worth your time!
Breaking up with anyone via internet= coward
If she can't even tell you over the internet, don't expect her to be able to tell you in person. I would say just write her off as a big mistake and then move on.

[shh!]

I dont really feel angry...I am dissapointed because I put everything into doing things right and I didn't do anything wrong.

Clearly, she would disagree. Stay away from her. She was wrong to dump you this way (unless perhaps she is afraid of you), but frankly you sound like a potential stalker.

[TheOneAndOnlyX]

but frankly you sound like a potential stalker.

I didn't want to say it first. I agree.

[Pears]

Wow, shh! really is amazing.

shh!, you have so many fans!

[shh!]

Pears: You must have missed the "Heartbroken and Lonely" thread.
:-)

[Confused2005]

Hmmm......I dont think I am stalker.

In fact I find that rather insulting.

Oh well, I guess in the USA people find it perfectly acceptable to treat boyfriends/girlfreinds they have introduced to their children, parents, siblings and friends like s**t....without actually upsetting them....people do not work like that.

But then again...all your crime rates are much higher than ours....so I guess your social skills are not generally so good.

[Confused2005]

Just noticed....the two "stalker" type replies are both from people in California....must be a local thing!

(like Cletus from the Simpsons)

People are obsessed with stalkers....and how often does it actually happen?....lets be honest, hardly ever.

(at least in the UK where the vast majority of us are actually normal)

[shh!]

I assume this girl who dumped you is a fine example of the "superior" social skills exhibited by your fellow country-people. That being the case, I don't think you need to be insulting Americans because you didn't hear what you wanted to.

No one said the way she dumped you was acceptable, but that does not excuse your own behavior, which - after all - is all you can control. Be upset for as long as you like, but I think you should stay away from her lest you get yourself arrested for harrassment.

I suggest next time you ask for advice, you be sure to mention what exactly it is you want to hear.

PS - whoa! I just noticed you are from the UK. My British friends would be very quick to dissociate themselves from such a freak, to be sure!!

[Confused2005]

My own behaviour?

As far as I can tell I just wanted to be treated right....if you dont treat people right...expect them to be upset...if you cant cope with it...dont treat them badly in the first place....simple rule I think.

If I poke someone in the eye I expect them to be unhappy about it...if they poke me in the eye back...I dont think I can complain.

I dont believe you have any British friends....in fact I find it hard to believe you have any friends at all.

Oh and by the way this harrassment thing you talk about is almost purely an american creation...it is the rarest possible thing to happen here...because you have far more nutters in your country who stalk and murder people.

When a jilted boyfriend or girlfriend turns up on your door in Europe they are trying to win you back....they are not stalking you!

But then again in the USA they would probably burn your house down and kill you familly rather than serenade you and romance you.

Oh well, a different culture I guess.

[Confused2005]

I have just thought better of my last post.

Seriously, there is a difference in culture between the USA and Europe.

We dont have the stalker sort of problems you do...people are generally more laid back here.

[shh!]

I don't believe American culture is all that different from British with regards to knowing when you aren't wanted. I say AGAIN: she WAS wrong to dump you this way, but she clearly doesn't want anything more to do with you. I know it hurts, but that is all there is to it. Rant at will, but when you are done, you will have to move on without her. Damn, all this drama over a such a short relationship. Does not THAT make you pause for a minute and think to yourself you MAY be overreacting?

And yes, I do have friends, some of them British. They tend to congregate together due to their shared origin, so when you are friends with one, you make friends with many. None of them are so pushy as you though, nor are they so prone to silly stereotypes about Americans.