Moving on from the 'first girl'

[Turismo]

Hey guys, I havent posted here in a long time, but once again I need an outlet where I am annonymous. And this is all I could remember. If you loko at the last time I was here, it was over a girl, whom I had been hanging out for a long time and asked her on two seprate occasions for more but met with the "only a friend" response

I slowly cut myself off, I stopped talking to her and so on, because it was just too painful for me to.

In the last couple of months, FINALLY after nearly a year, I am with a girl who actually likes me for who I am and values me. And I'll be honest, in the looks department, shes the "out of my league" kind.

Sadly, i ran into the first girl at an event a few nights back and its all come rushing back to me. Shes begun talking to me again, and to put it simply, once again, Im being torn up.

The fact is, this new girl, she may be a looker and a half, but shes not all that n the brains department. The first one, I connected with her on an intellectual level, she was shorter, heavier, and not the best looker, but had that "cute" value.

I know I wont ever have anything with her, what I am asking of you people on here is, how do I stop it???? How do I stop thinking about her, I have much better things my way now right? So why do I keep thinking about something that wasnt even a relationship over a year ago!

So yeah, any words of wisdom to strike some sense into me are greatly appreciated!

[Gigabitch]

Tell yourself she's a bad drug. If you look at her like a big bag of heroin, maybe it will be more clear to you that you just have to cut yourself off and walk away.

[Turismo]

The thing is, I had convinced myself what a abd person she was, I had cut myself of. But since shes started talking to me, I realised just how much I missed talking to her about anything, just in general. As sad as it sounds I haven't gotten over that connection of minds. But I mean, why now? Don't all other normal guys go for the 'hot girl'? Am I just being an idiot and should get over it somehow.

I dunno, just really confused and needed to voice my opinion somewhere.

Thanks for putting up with it

[Anuylya]

I cant understand which girl you love?

[Ellynn]

I cant understand which girl you love?

He likes the first girl who thought of him as just a friend. She was shorter, heavier, but had some sort of "cuteness" about her.


And to answer your question Turismo, No, your not stupid for liking someone who wasn't the hotter of the two you were interested in. Its not always looks completely that attract you to someone. Its a little something about them physically but mainly has ALOT to do with their personality. The first girl must have had an awesome personality. And that along with her certain cuteness, attracted u to her. The only problem with that scenerio is that she didn't feel the same, right? So, you have to accept that and move on.

But, if u don't find this new girl as interesting personality wise as the other girl, I wouldn't pursue her either. The reason being, is that looks are only skin deep. Sure this girl might be hot, but if your not happy with her as a whole, things just aren't gonna work out.

I know I have dated some hot guys who were basically jerks once I got to know them better. So, all in all, it was a turnoff. Then there were some average guys I dated or liked, and it was their personality that enhanced their looks. To me, that was better then having the Hot guy/guys.

So, stick with how you feel. I mean, Im not saying things are gonna work out for you and girl number one, but there are other people out there. Eventually you will find someone who you are attracted to physically and mentally.

[Gigabitch]

It's not about First Girl being a bad person. If she were, you wouldn't be in love with her. it's just that she's bad for you.

I don't know what to tell you. Usually, finding someone else helps, but this time it didn't, did it?

Do you really have no chance at all with First Girl?

[Turismo]

Ellyyn, you are 100% correct about what I meant.

Gigabitch, I get what you mean too, and obviously finding other girls hasnt helped.

Allow me to tell you a little about myself, Im a late-teen and Im also someone who ahsn't even had their first kiss. Now since that last girl made it completely clear to me she only wanted my friendship, Ive had a few propositions of the sexual nature from other girls which I have turned down, all I want/wanted is something which I missed out on earlier during my teens, simply hanging out with a 'cool' sort of chick, holding her hand and sharing that first kiss. Sad I know, but I sort of missed that stage.

Trust me, Ive been looking for others to get over the first, but its just not working, as is clearly evident by the situation Im in now. I mean, Ive been talking to the first girl lately and I realise just how much she knows about me, how much she has in common to me, hell, she even remembers little things like which songs I like that even I don't remember any more !! She's not a bad person at all, but I agree, shes bad for me, which my head just doesnt seem to be able to deal with.

As for a chance with her? Well, I first asked her out after 6 months of knowing her, to which she said she didnt know me well enough, fast forward 6 months and I stupidly did it again. This time, I just got the "friend" speech. And if you were to read my last post, you'd know that actually reduced me to tears. I slowly got over that down stage. And as I said before, I even cut her off, until this week I hadnt spoken to her for 2 months (Yes I was counting) but now I realised just how badly I did miss her company, even if it was only as a friend.

Anyway, all that ranting brings me back to the point of, how can I possibly move onto other girls if I can't even forget her. I mean, what I have now is a girl whose looks and physique can easily be described as "model material" and shes a sweet girl who's really into me, I just don't get why I can't move on.

I know theres no real answer for this and hopefully I'll grow out of this thing, but until then, I just need somewhere to get it off my chest.

All I can conclude from this is, the old cliche of personality attracting people may actually be true as proved by my case in point. Sadly, what tears me up even more is all my mates of my age and older are out there "bangin' chicks" every weekend, and even if thats what Im not into, I can't even hold down a relationship with a good natured, good looking girl.

[Ellynn]

I know it sucks. Liking someone and feeling they are so perfect for you, but they just don't feel the same.

Then they are so friendly and have such a great personality that its hard to get over them. I have been in this situation a few times myself. It really sucks! But hang in there, eventually theres gonna be someone else who will strike you as interesting.

Just don't settle ok?

And don't feel so bad about being behind on the kissing part. I feel like I am behind on the marriage part or long term relationship part at this stage of my life. Im almost 25.All my friends are either in serious relationships or married. I, on the other hand, am completely single and never really had anything really serious to the point that I could see being with them forever. But, what I have found is that in time you will catch up. But, its not worth it to just do all this stuff to fit in. Do it when it feels right for you. Don't compare yourself so much to others.

I try to keep telling myself that as well. It helps somewhat.