I feel like I'm standing still.

[Sunshine832]

I've been in a relationship for almost two years and I feel like we aren't going anywhere in it. I am 18 and he is 21. I feel like I want us to be more serious but I doubt that he is thinking about it at all. He doesn't have a job and whenever I ask him about work he gets really frustrated so I end the conversation. I can't tell if he's really depressed or if he just doesn't care. He doesn't have any friends and says that he doesn't want any. But when I want to go out with friends he never really wants to. He rarely even leaves his house. He stays up all night and sleeps all day. I sleep all night and work all morning.

I want to go to college and live in an apartment. Everytime I bring that up to him he complains about how we don't have money to move out. So why doesn't he just get a job? I have a job. He says he wants a 'stay at home' kind of job. But you can't get those unless you have experience in the position applying for. And they aren't very easy to get at all. He doesn't talk much about not having a job or about our relationship at all.

He's always talking about how he wants to move away and get an apartment, but when I talk about going to College he completely ignores it and it almost seems like he doesn't care about MY future. I've told him that no matter what he does, I'm still going to college. I've met a few people who have told me that they regret not going to college or taking up an offer for a great job because they wanted to get married or follow their boyfriend where they were going. I don't want to do that. Because I know that if he were really meant for me, we would try to work the relationship out no matter what happened.

Last night I left his house early because he was complaining about me taking a nap. I just got off of work and drove 45 minutes home. Usually he is still sleeping by the time I get home from work. But yesterday he wanted to wake up as soon as I got there. I told him I was tired from a long day at work, so he got angry with me and didn't understand why I had to take a nap while he was awake. I don't think he remembers how tiring work can be and how shitty it would be if I did that to him. So I went home and took a long nap. Why would he get so pissy with me? I was still going to hang out with him after I took a nap. I understand he just wanted to hang out with me, but everyday I come over to his house he is still sleeping. I'd love to hang out with him in the morning on my days off, but he's sleeping. So this time, with no arguments I left.

He never called last night. Because he thinks that, in his mind, I'm always the one who is at fault and who started everything. So I'm just not going to call him. If he wants to hang out with me he can call me.

Even though I love him so much and we have a great time together everyday, I still feel like I'm standing still and we aren't going anywhere in our relationship. He can't seem to open up to me and tell me that he loves me. What is he afraid of? I've told him that I loved him before. I don't know how strong my love can be for him if he doesn't feel the same way for me.

I want to move on with my life. I don't want to wait until it's too late to go to college or be able to get a nicer job. I want to do everything while I'm still young. Should I stay with someone who makes me feel like everyday is exactly the same but love to be with and really care about, or find someone who lives for the future and is able to love me?

[Gigabitch]

Because I have no emotional ties to this guy, I can say what you're too kind to say: This guy is an anchor that will drag you to the very bottom of life and hold you there until you are a dried-up husk of wasted potential.

Leave him. Now.

[Glyph]

Giga is dead on. Never, ever, ever let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't go for what you want. If you want to move out and get a place, don't let his bickering stop you. He's not contributing anything, to either the finances OR the relationship, he doesn't encourage you, it almost sounds like he has no role but a spaceholder in your house.

I heard somewhere that, by the age of 16 (I'm more inclined to say 18, though of course there are variants), most males are smaller versions of the men they're going to be. If it's hard to make him get off his ass and get a job, if he's got no motivation now, then I doubt he's going to spontaneously grow ambition. The mistake lots of women make is expecting a guy to change, when the tricky part is that men and women are inverse. Men become dismayed when their women make huge changes. Women get frustrated when their men WON'T change at all.

For God's sake, get out. Honestly. I have a horrible feeling you're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get any more serious with him (i.e. marriage) than you already are. He's not going to be willing to walk up the hill alongside you, but rather expects you to drag him along behind you. Don't allow that to happen.

[hi2u]

im 18 and he acts like hes my age or worse... ya leave him hes self centered wants you to evlove around him, he lazy or dont care about you or he would probally take time to not sleep when u got days off...

[vashti]

You are simply outgrowing him. This happens to most relationships that begin in the teen years. It's time to move on and make something of yourself, and doing so might even have a secondary effect of motivating him to do something with himself, too (not that this will be any of your concern).

And yes, I wholeheartedly think you should be going to college.

[Gigabitch]

God, I just re-read this post and it's filling me with panic.

I've let a lot of people make bad decisions for me in my life. Lowered expectations was the theme of the first 30 years or so of my existence. DO NOT let this happen to you. You know better. You feel what you're worth, even if he doesn't see it.

Go and do not look back.

[Glyph]

Yep. Lots of us have been there. And even if you're tempted to think that your case in an exception - it rarely is. You're obviously uncertain and know there's a problem; sure, you guys have a "good time" together, but it goes without saying that life isn't always fun and good times. You need someone who will be steadfast when trouble comes along.

I really, really hope you learn a bit from the mistakes others have made before you.

[Sunshine832]

Thanks to everyone who has replied. Shortly after I posted, my boyfriend called me to come over. I'm already back at home. He was upset because I wanted to go out to dinner or get out of the house since it's my day off. Instead, he is claiming how tired he is and that I should just go home. It's his fault that he stays up all night on the computer doing God-knows-what. He made it out to seem like I couldn't make my mind up about what I wanted to do tonight. It wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted to do, I just wanted to do something that we don't do everyday. And since he didn't want to do those things I was having a hard time deciding what I wanted to do from HIS list (i.e. play video games, go on the computer, watch tv). He had no problem getting upset with me yesterday that I was tired after a long, tiring day at work. But when he's tired from staying up playing games all night then he can get upset with me when I ask if he can go out somewhere.

I want a boyfriend who can take me out once in a while. I feel like more of a friend to him than I should. I usually don't have a problem with staying in, but when I want to go out to dinner or something it's always a problem because he doesn't have an income.

I'm trying my hardest not to be selfish and "needy", and tell me if I am at all. I just want to go out every once in a while. Not every day, not every week. Just somewhere, even if it's to the park. So here I am on my day off (haven't had once since last Thursday) and all he wants to do is sleep and start an argument with me.

[Glyph]

Once again - run, don't walk.

You don't need to put up with that shit.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're dating my ex-husband. Are you sure he's not 37 years old?