I'm a bitch.

[twisted]

Yes, I am.
I'll make it short. Or at least I'll try.
Been going steady for over 3 years. I'm 25. About to move in with my bf. We're moving to another country together, starting our life together finally.

He has a friend. His best friend actually.
"Friend" has silently creeped (crept?) into my thoughts more and more, over the past 2 weeks or so. I never really paid much attention to this guy. But now I am becoming obsessed with him almost. I don't know why this is happening, nor do I have intentions of "acting" on it. I know it's just lust. "Friend" is even 5 years younger than me...But I think about him almost constantly. Friend is very loyal to my bf....
My bf knows that Friend and I have even chatted a couple of times, I have always told my bf everything....except that I practically fantasize about his best friend constantly.
I already know for sure that Friend finds me very attractive, my bf even told me so a couple of years ago, so it's not that...and to top it off Friend also has a gf.
I hate myself for this, and I do truly want to get over it. I know I probably will as soon as we move...but...what does this mean? Is it just because I am having a sudden fear of commitment? Or could it happen again?
Has anyone been through this?
I can't talk to anyone about it.
I just wish the euphoric feeling of being in love and desiring passion all day long could come back with my bf, and not with his damned bestfriend.
Help...

[Junket]

It'll pass.

Or it won't.

[twisted]

i know it will but i still feel awful. and i'm so scared it'll happen again. i feel like i'm cheating just by thinking certain things...

[Gribble]

The best way to get over him is to get under him.

[Glyph]

The best way to get over him is to get under him.

*snerf*

Methinks it may just be a case of the finality of what you're about to do sinking in. I mean, I'm sure attraction/lust plays a definite role (I doubt you'd have these feelings for some buttugly Gomer), but perhaps it's your version of "second thoughts", "cold feet", etc.

Take some time to think about the decision you're making. Are you happy for ANY finality, or that it actually involves your boyfriend because you love him and want to be with him? Are you cool with only having sex with one person for possibly the rest of your life? Ask yourself the tough questions. And also realise - no matter who you're with, the passion WILL eventually fade out. However, usually a feeling of comfort and contentment and peace will replace it, and when you're ready, that will feel right to you. Passion is great, but it's also chaotic, and passion can make for both dizzying highs, and crushing lows. What remains after the passion is gone should feel comfortable and right to you. If you're mourning the loss of initial "thrill" as if the entire relationship is suffering - re-evaluate and be sure it's what you want under true, harsh lighting, not just the candlelight.

Chances are, you're probably just nervous combined with this guy being somewhat of a hottie.

[twisted]

thank you glyph...i shall think about everything you wrote. thanks, i mean it!

[vashti]

I think it is just a normal crush. If you want to get over it, tell your boyfriend about it (unless he is a psycho jealous guy). Half the attraction to a crush is in havinig it be secret.

[Mish]

Ask yourself the tough questions. And also realise - no matter who you're with, the passion WILL eventually fade out. However, usually a feeling of comfort and contentment and peace will replace it, and when you're ready, that will feel right to you. Passion is great, but it's also chaotic, and passion can make for both dizzying highs, and crushing lows. What remains after the passion is gone should feel comfortable and right to you. If you're mourning the loss of initial "thrill" as if the entire relationship is suffering - re-evaluate and be sure it's what you want under true, harsh lighting, not just the candlelight.

+1

Twisted you might be worrying that you are saying goodbye to Passion. You can see its tombstone and you are laying flowers at its feet. One partner for the rest of your life can sound scary. Do you miss the excitement and unpredictability of having some one new? Maybe thats why you have this feeling towards this other individual. Passion can be dangerous and having witnessed what it can do in it's wake, I personally prefer peace and serenity.

Although I mostly agree with Glyph, there are ways you can reignite the spark with your SO. Think of new things to do to break the monotonous routine. Think of undertaking new, fun and exciting activities together. And above all find re-assurance and peace in having searched and found. What you have now is a lot more precious and rare.

[TheKissPolice]

it happened to me all the time twisted,i dont really know what tell you coz i didnt handle it well,i might have cheated for thinking about serious thoughts like these to my girl's friends,its just a crush,it may develop into something deeper but its up to you to decide if it is worth your relationship wiith your bf.it really sucks when you are in a plataued relationship where you miss all the intimacy.

[anachronistic]

compare him to your boyfriend and find flaws in the friend that you dislike. find reasons to tell yourself why he's better than his best friend.

[williu]

Maybe you should just try to avoid any contact with Friend? Just simply exclude him from your life. It may take time to "forget", but it can happen for sure. v

[twisted]

thank you all very much...

vashti: um...actually he IS kind of really jealous, I mean not psycho, but I'm sure the reaction would not be a little 5 minute bout of rage. We're talking about his bestfriend here, I'm pretty sure it could ruin everything beween us if I made a similar confession to him. i agree that it's definitely just a crush, and the secret is actually really starting to get to me (the main reason why I posted my problem here)...

Mishanya: Thanks for your nice words. I need those too....I mean I need advice, but most of all I need people to tell me that what I am going through could even be considered "normal", it'd just make me feel better....in my heart I already know what is right for me and for my relationship...

thekisspolice:yes i do feel like i'm cheating...

liliwing: i try all the time to do it, but it's tough, especially when you're "mentally" in so deep already, i've already gone past the phase of trying to convince myself that he's absolutely not my type, I'm more into the phase where I completely idealise him. I tried so hard to resist but finally I surrendered and threw my senses in.
The guy just seems like...i dunno...a beautiful house that you know you can never have, or something like that. Yes, i guess it's a pretty infantile way of seeing it, because I just WANT him, like a child might throw a fit in a store when he wants his mother to buy him that toy that he saw and she refuses to.

williu: yes. that's definitely what i should do, and it will happen whether I like it or not since in less than 2 weeks we're moving to another country. BUT, friend already has plans to come visit us.....that'll be...interesting...

[vashti]

If he's the jealous type, then DON'T tell your boyfriend. You have to limit your access to the crush instead.

I am glad my husband is beyond fits of rage over little crushes. They only pop up now and then, and he laughs when I tell him, and usually that is enough for me to get over it. It is good when a man is secure.

[misombra]

i'm a bitch too.

[anxious]

best way!

have a one nighter and never speak of it again.

prob just sexual erge. you know when you think about this -> move to another country start a new life with some one that means you can't have sex with others nor date..

so i say have it once then get over.if dun work then i got nothing to say.

AND PEOPLE DON'T FLAME ME OF WHAT I SAID. being honest