Thanks for being helpful, more Q's

[DoesntMatter]

This isn't intended as flattery, but I really did take to heart the advice you folks have given me. I understand you are all far more experienced and more knowing than me. So.. I decided that I won't be using escort services this summer. Which means, of course, that I will be showing up to college a virgin and such, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
I've figured out that what I really want is to get a good girlfriend at college. I know it seems quite a change from the escort thing, but those were two completely separate issues in my mind. I want someone who will be emotionally supportive (true, even if it sounds unmanly or whatever) because I have never had that but desire it immensely. I know this now because things have been quite rough lately, some family members have been thinking I'm a "stupid ****ing idiot" degenerate or something. And because those are the only people who truly care about me right now, it hurts a LOT.
So on a different type of love... family love. I let down some of my family. I mean really, really, REALLY disappointed them. I'm not exactly who they wanted me to be. I love them though. I'm genuinely afraid of hurting them and losing them, even though family bonds are the strongest (right?)

[vashti]

What did you do to your family?

[Junket]

Look wank, looking for emotional support ain't "unmanly". Humans are meant to support each other. Human offspring need parental support for at least 13 years of their lives (reasonably). Which is why it's natural for young adults to become independent enough to seek out and start their own familial structure. Dependence, independence, co-dependence. At least in American society.

Humans experience a bevy of emotions, sometimes more than they can bear in a healthy manner on their own. That's what everybody else is for.

[Converse]

What did you do?

[Gigabitch]

I'm genuinely afraid of hurting them and losing them, even though family bonds are the strongest (right?)

Not necessarily. Some people have very weak bonds to their families, and go out and form "intentional families" with people they choose.

Anyway, be careful about expecting a college kid to be very emotionally supportive. That's how you get your heart broken, and believe me, it hurts. Better to find friends you can trust. Enjoy girls, but don't lean on them.

[DoesntMatter]

Frasbee, you misunderstood me. I wasn't saying it was unmanly, of course it's not. I said that the specific phrase "emotionally supportive" may sound that way, and I was trying to somehow get across that I am not looking to make myself into a clingy-needy type of guy.

And I didn't do any one thing to my family. They just don't want to accept me for who I am. I lived up to some expectations they had for me, like getting into an Ivy League school and keeping on good terms with teachers and former employers, or working for my own money and not using theirs (except things like food/clothes/house you get the point).
But they think I have personality disorders or something, which I don't (only my older sister said this at least). I took offense to that suggestion. I'm just much more objective than they are. And what they think is a schizophrenic vacillation in tone from complacency and dullness to egomaniacal furor is nothing more than someone lighting my fuse too short.
My parents are both Christian, and so am I. But I'm a bit of a nihilist at times, and that is partly their issue with me. I love them so much though, and I know they love me too.