i had a relapse... i'm so ashamed!

[nyc123]

so after about a week of convincing myself that i was over this asshole and didn't need him in my life... i got drunk and called him last night. to my surprise, he picked up. so i hung up. this conversation followed via text message:

him: are u alright?
me: no
him: what's the matter
me: sorry i called you.
him: don't apologize. i'm glad u called. are u okay?
me: depends on your definition of okay... why are you glad i called?
him: bc i've just had u on my mind alot lately... and its good to know im not alone
me: i think about you every day. i dream about you every night. i try to convince myself that you're a dick and i don't need you. but i'm never really convinced.
me: i've had a lot to drink tonight, so i'm probably revealing more than i want to. but to kiss you right now would make the world disappear...
him: what color?
(this is a flirting thing he does, asking me the color of my underwear)
me: bathing suit. black with pink polka dots. why are you teasing me?
him: sorry. my mistake.
me: what do you want from me?
him: forgiveness
me: so that's the only reason you've been thinking about me? bc you want me to forgive you?
the end

what does that mean? part of me feels like the only reason he's been thinking about me is bc he knows he was an asshole to me and wants me to accept all his empty apologies. but i'm not gonna tell him i don't forgive him bc then he'll *know* that he hurt me. then again, if he just wants forgiveness, why is he flirting with me and teasing me?

my friend says she thinks he takes the repercussions of his actions too casually. which makes a lot of sense. everything in my head is telling me to stay away from this guy. but for some reason my head's not doing a very good job of keeping me in line. (esp. when i'm under the influence)

this morning i sent him this:
"So here's what I've come up with... I don't need you, and you were probably right when you said I deserve better. However, none of that changes the fact that I still want you. My body wants you to touch me, my lips want you to kiss me, I want you to love me. But I also want a mustang gt, and I know I'm not getting one of those any time soon. We can't always get what we want, and I'm dealing with that. I've been trying to leave you alone because I think that's what you want, but I (obviously) have a bit of trouble with that when I'm under the influence. So now I will leave you alone again at least until the next time I'm drunk, whereupon, as a drunk texter, I can make no guarantees that I won't try to contact you if you're still on my mind. Love Always"

so now what do i do?

[Gigabitch]

Now you start saving up for a Mustang GT. I'm not even kidding. You need to MAKE yourself turn your focus elsewhere.

And tell your friends to take your phone away the next time you're drinking. This is turning into another classic case of a guy who gets all the love without any of the responsibility. What you sent this morning was awesome- if you leave it like that and then don't contact him, he'll have you on the brain for the next year.

[browsin]

Your situation is classic. You've got to decide what u want. If he wants to change and is also asking you for forgiveness that's one thing. But it sounds like he just wants you to forgive him for being an ass, while he keeps on being one. Does he show any remorse for whatever he's done in the past? Does he even know what he's supposed to be apologizing for or is it a blanket apology. In fact, he didn't say sorry...he just wants forgiveness, like forget it happened...whatever I did.

More importantly does he share those feelings, does he want to kiss you, is he dreaming about you? Are you occupying his every waking moment? Its quite possible that he wants you to forgive him, let him back in and allow him to keep acting a ass! You have to decide if it's worth it, the chance that he might change and you guys go on happily ever after or he might just like knowing that there is some one out there who's gonna always take him back and put up with his crap. Of course this is all up for interpretation because I don't really know what your particular situation is.

[Mathias]

He's setting you up to be a ****toy.

Not kidding. All the signs are there (moment of regret, IMMEDIATELY followed by a sexual suggestion, then back to it). Get out.