Reality Check ~ I sent him packing ~ Did I do the right thing?

[trixie]

I need a reality check here.

I started dating a guy in mid-August so it hasn't been that long. He's a co-worker (I've never dated a co-worker before!) and I've always thought he was cute and one day he invited me to a baseball game. We don't work in the same area, but I do see him about 30 minutes a day here 'n there.

I had the BEST first date ever! We just really hit it off and I really like him. A lot. I know he really likes me too, he's said as much on many occasions.

We've since been on a numerous dates, spent a lot of time together and have always had a great time . Then, last week we were out together.. he was talking about his ex-girlfriend, who he was with for 2 years. They had been broken up for 9 months but she only finally moved out 3 months ago so I really count it as 3 months. He said, "I've always been in a long term relationship, I dunno.. I think maybe I should be single for awhile."


Talk about hitting me with a ton of bricks!

I waited for a couple of days to decide how I felt, then I talked to him and told him that I felt I deserved to be dating someone who is really *ready* to date.. someone who didn't have one foot in, one foot out so to speak. I explained that I wasn't asking for a commitment, just that he be fully ready to explore possibilities. To me, you can't build a foundation on ambivalence.

He told me "you are the best woman I've ever met" and reiterated how much he liked me. And then finally admitted that, yeah, I because I was "so amazing" I totally deserved what I was asking for. So in the end we agreed that we wouldn't see each other any more.

He asked if we could still be friends and hang out some because he really wants me in his life. I told him "no" because it would be really hard for me to be around him like that (also, I don't want to be convenient!)

He then asked if he got his head together in a week or a month or three months could he call me up and ask me out again? I said yes, on the condition that if he does, he thinks he's really ready.

He's the best guy I've met in forever. Really. I'm picky. And I was falling for him. I guess I just didn't want to fall any more in "like" with him, only to be told later that, "Oh yeah, I realize that I DO want to be single awhile longer and I wasn't ready for a relationship."

Getting out now was the wisest thing... right?

Before you guys think this was his way of getting out after having sex.. we haven't yet!

[vashti]

If you are only interested in dating in order to form a long-term relationship then I guess you did the right thing. However, since you were enjoying the time you spent with him, I would have continued dating (just not exclusively).

[trixie]

Yeah, I'm only interested in a long term relationship at my age.. I'm in my mid-30's. I don't want to waste time with someone who's not *there* yet. I'd prefer to keep my heart and mind open and ready for when the right one DOES come a long.

[vashti]

Ahh, dating in the mid-30s can be difficult. The men have figured out how to look like a great catch on the outside while wanting to date as much as they can before their hair falls out. I bet he was heading down the no-more-dating path anyway, else why would he have made th comment about being single for a while?

[trixie]

Probably.

Men: Can't live with 'em; can't stick a fork in their eye. (Sorry, men).

[tooxshort]

"Women: Can't live with 'em and they can't pee standing up."

Anyhow, was the guy around the same age as you? I personally think you did the right thing ... no use waiting for something that'll never happen. But if it's meant to be, he'll be around in a couple of months ...

[IndiReloaded]

Men: Can't live with 'em; can't stick a fork in their eye.

Trixie, I can tell we are gonna like you.

That was the best setting of boundaries I've heard in a looong time. Good for you. I think you'll be hearing from this fellow again.

Unless he's retarded. In which case, kudos to you for dumping him with efficiency.

[Gigabitch]

Good call, Trixie. Either he'll come crawling back with a clearer idea of what the rules are or he'll bugger off, in which case you're still available for a better one.

My ex-boyfriend once said, "Women- can't live with them; they keep throwing me out."

Heh heh.

I think your post will become one of those "what you should have done" examples for LoveForum posters in the future. I will probably be bumping this thread often.

[cuddlemonster]

you did the right thing. usually if you have the courage and conviction in your heart to say how you feel to the other person then its the right thing.