stupid, stupid, stupid.

[pinkscorpion]

So I've been having this very complicated non-relationship with this guy and it's recently become even more complicated. Our original relationship was basically "friends with benefits," though we both were guilty of acting like we were actually dating. I mean, PDA, terms of endearment, spending just about every day together, talking about possible future together...these are all symptoms of a relationship.

Then he did a complete 180 and broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I don't want to rehash it but let's just say it involves untrue rumors, some skanky fat girl, and the military. I was more pissed off than I have ever been in my life.

Just when I thought I was just about over him and all the shit he put me through, he had to come crawling back. I'd already deleted him from my phone, for chrissakes, to insure that I wouldn't make any pathetic drunken calls to him.

He's so charismatic that it's almost scary. He actually talked me out of being mad at him, to the point that...things between us have started up again. Only it's worse this time because it's so much more impersonal. This time, it really is "just sex" and barely friendship. It didn't start out like that. When we first started talking again, he was really nice, just like he used to be. As soon as I had sex with him, he went all evil again.

We weren't trying to have sex again. It just kind of happened. We both were genuinely trying to be just friends and this physical attraction keeps getting in the way. Whenever we were still "just friends" and we hadn't started sleeping together again quite yet, all we talked about was how hard it was to not have sex and that didn't help.

I want to end this soo badly but I just don't know how I'm going to muster the strength to do it. He hit me when I was still weak and still hurting. I'm not ready to be friends with him, yet, let alone anything less or anything more. That is, unless he finally realizes that I'm perfect for him and starts treating me right. That will never happen because he's a douche. And, yet, I like him quite painfully a lot anyway.

What's wrong with me?

I mean that question in two different ways:
What's about me made him so suddenly stop liking me?
Why can't I just get it through my head that he's an asshole who's not worth my time?

So confused.

[Illusional]

besides the fact that he's your ex, why do you really want to be friends with someone who hits you??

your title describes it all.

raverboy

[SONOIL]

I think you've answered your question when you've typed title to it... Here's a hint... always keep your head up... and your legs together and everything will be fine...

[pinkscorpion]

Oh Jesus H. Christ, he doesn't physically hit me.
I meant "hit" metaphorically.

I suppose I should have said "hit on" instead or something to that effect.

Neither of you guys seem to be understanding, anyway.
Have you never been hung up on someone that's bad for you? Apparently you haven't. Well...it sucks and it's comparable to drug addiction. It's not so simple as, "Just stop doing that." Well, maybe it kind of is, but the day that sentence ends a drug problem, I'll eat my hat.

Anyway, I know this is wrong and I know it's unhealthy.
That's totally not the point. The point is that I can't stop liking him DESPITE all that. I want to know what's to be done about that.

Being told I'm "stupid" isn't helpful at all.
It's kind of redundant since I already said it myself.

Even if I stop being friends with him completely, we'll still have to see each other everyday because we have the same major and most of the same friends. Don't you think I've tried to cut him off? It worked for about two weeks, but HE couldn't handle it. Hence, the situation I'm in right now.

I know if I tried to do the same thing again, he'd do the same thing again, too: call me, hang out with me, and tug my heartstrings until I give in. He knows how to play me like few people do and that's all kinds of disturbing to me.

Plus, there's a good chance he's going to die after the end of this year and part of me wants to spend as much time with him as I can, just in case, ya know? I'll feel really bad if I cut him off and then he goes off and gets killed. I wish I didn't care so much.

[vashti]

He doesn't have any respect for you. Why should he? You don't seem to be respecting yourself.

Although what the guys above said may seem simplistic to you, there really is nothing more to it. When a person knows something isn't good for them, they've simply got to stop participating in that behavior.

We women tend to make things like this more complicated than they really are. Maybe this is the way we minimize acknowledging the way we participate in our problem-making.

[misombra]

Keep your legs closed and turn off your phone.

[pinkscorpion]

I tell myself all that stuff all the time.

Do I listen? No.
My superego gets it's ass kicked by my id on a daily basis.

I don't know what I thought all you guys were going to say.
I guess I was hoping for some kind of profound perspective on the whole thing that I hadn't thought of yet. I guess it probably doesn't exist or I'll have to figure it out for myself.

Thanks for trying to help, though. Opinions are always appreciated.

[Gigabitch]

Have you never been hung up on someone that's bad for you?

Yes, I have. I know what that's like. You've heard that old joke:

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it has to want to change.

That's you, pinky. You don't really want to stop this. Somehow the thrill he gives you has knocked out the part of your brain that deals with self-preservation. You know he's no good for you, but you can't seem to stop yourself.

If you really want to be free of him, I have some ideas, but I'm not convinced you'd even want to hear them.

Being told I'm "stupid" isn't helpful at all.
It's kind of redundant since I already said it myself.

A hint: don't engage. If you make yourself someone who is fun to poke at, this whole board will be on you like a pack of dogs. If you want help, you might have to take a bit of ribbing. You can't let this bother you.

Plus, there's a good chance he's going to die after the end of this year and part of me wants to spend as much time with him as I can, just in case, ya know? I'll feel really bad if I cut him off and then he goes off and gets killed.

You'll feel bad regardless. This is headed in a very bad direction, and IMO, no matter what happens to him, you're going to be totally shredded by the end of it if you don't start setting some boundaries and start watching out for yourself.

[pinkscorpion]

Thank you, Gigabitch, you are the first person who I feel understands what I've been trying to convey.

You're absolutely, 100% right about everything you said.

Being with him is extremely exciting and fun, when it's not heart crushingly bad. Not to mention, the sex is the BEST I've ever had in my whole life. That's really why it was so easy for him to lure me back. We have a sexual connection that's unlike anything I've ever encountered. It's just too bad it doesn't go any deeper than that for him.

If I could just meet someone I like more than him, then we'd have a chance of really being just friends, which would be the ideal thing to do in this situation. Then I could support him until he has to go overseas and be there for him, but...not in THAT way.

I mean, he's really not a bad guy. I don't want to create the impression that's he a blemish on the face of humanity or anything. He's just shit at dating.

[Illusional]

Oh Jesus H. Christ, he doesn't physically hit me.
I meant "hit" metaphorically.

I suppose I should have said "hit on" instead or something to that effect.

Neither of you guys seem to be understanding, anyway.
Have you never been hung up on someone that's bad for you? Apparently you haven't. Well...it sucks and it's comparable to drug addiction. It's not so simple as, "Just stop doing that." Well, maybe it kind of is, but the day that sentence ends a drug problem, I'll eat my hat.

first off. i'm sure that have different metaphors wherever in the world you are located. example... i would say wow, get choke flowers ah? and i'm sure that you wouldn't have the slightest idea what i meant... please remember this is a diverse forum... "diverse"

secondly, i've never been that hung up over an ex to complain and post about it. if we break up, of course we try to get back together and it works both ways, but when you finally realize that this dead end doesn't doesn't stretch an extra mile, i hit (err i mean i move on) to the next road.

raverboy

[pinkscorpion]

Wow, well I thought the saying, "hit 'em while they're down," was pretty much universal. Guess not. *shrug* Oh well, no big deal.

Guys don't get hung up the same way girls do, in my experience. My gender doesn't handle rejection very well. Hell hath no fury, after all.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, God. You should read some of the sob stories on this forum from guys- it's really changed my opinion about how sensitive guys can be.

Anyway, I think the key to survival here is limited expectations. This reminds me of a relationship I had a long time ago with a druggie musician. I loved him so much it made me crazy, but I always knew that we weren't going to end up together. No way. It was freeing, actually. I had an "enjoy the ride" approach to him, and it really worked.

Once he's gone for good, there are all kinds of things you can do to get yourself back on track and feel better, but for now, why not enjoy the rollercoaster (and the sex)?

If some fat ho starts any trouble, poke her in the eye.

[IndiReloaded]

Every person we interact with has things we admire and things we don't. Another way to think of this is 'things that are good for us & things that aren't'. There's a tipping point where the interaction is more bad than good. That is when you decide to end the interaction.

As Giga said, you can extend the 'life' of these sorts of interactions by decreasing your expectations. But only do that if its a good thing for YOU.

[Illusional]

He hit me when I was still weak and still hurting.

Wow, well I thought the saying, "hit 'em while they're down," was pretty much universal. Guess not. *shrug* Oh well, no big deal.

Guys don't get hung up the same way girls do, in my experience. My gender doesn't handle rejection very well. Hell hath no fury, after all.

hey look for yourself.. hitting someone when they are down, and physically hitting someone are two different things, but i'm only quoting you.

as for the gender thing, i'm going to have to agree with giga... guys are also big pussies too... all expect for me. i'm done with crying over girls because i've turned cold hearted like megatron.

raverboy

[SONOIL]

... I say girls bad-no touch... mkay?