The Extremely Odd Situation

[JonC]

Hey everyone. I have a very weird and odd situation that really doesn't make much sense. I hope someone has either been in this situation before, or know a solution to it, (whether it be positive or negative.)

I dated a girl for about a year and a half. In that time, be both fell deeply in love. We talked about our future and relied on one another, and everything seemed perfect.

One day she decided to leave, without much explanation. At this time, a distance of about an hour was created. Throughout a few months, we continued to talked and see each other, but there were times where she stopped herself from seeing me, and even after a while said "I have to stop myself from loving you."

After a while of me questioning and her finally admitting, she told me that she couldn't trust herself in the sense that when she is with me, she is happy and wanting to give me everything, but she doesn't believe in herself to keep me happy. I think she got to a point of love where she is only thinking about me, and that she can't trust herself enough to the fact that she thinks she will hurt me in the future.

She just saw this guy one time, but after she recently invited me over and everything was how it used to be. But now, I get a call, and she says that we can't see each other anymore. I asked her if she is happy when she is with me, and she said yes.

Even though this is a long and extremely confusing post, does anyone have any advice for me? It's going to take a while before I can stop loving her, and with how much she loves me I think it is going to be tough for her as well. Do you advise me to move on? Or, should I continue to fight for her but give her time. Thanks for the help.

[Gigabitch]

Those are some very cold feet she has. Have you given her any reason to think that things might not work out between you?

[Eternal-Lullaby]

Wow, that is pretty strange...

Well if I try and put myself in her situation...

Suddenly saying to someone that I'd spent a year and a half with I have to try and stop loving you, to me that indicates a feeling of guilt and a reason for her to dislike herself being with you.

If she is seeing, or saw another guy, this could be the key. Maybe being in love with you, so deeply in love with you that she doubts that she could make you happy, makes her feel insecure in some way.

This guy, might give her freedom, because she is not so deeply attached to him. It is indeed a very strange situation that you're stuck in.

If she says she's happy when she's with you, then maybe that's good, but is she happier when she's away from you?

I can't even imagine how confused you must be feeling right now.

[JonC]

Those are some very cold feet she has. Have you given her any reason to think that things might not work out between you?

There is no reason for me to believe that there is any doubt that it wouldn't work out between us. The way she talks to me and says how she cares about me shows that we really could be together forever, or at least not end it this way.

And yes, I am extremely confused right now. Part of me is saying to leave her be because that is what she wants, but the other part of me says to keep fighting because we are both still in love.

Thank you for the wonderful comments so far...

[IndiReloaded]

She's looking for certainty. And as good ole Ben said "nothing is certain except death & taxes".

If you like her enough, you'll need to chase her down on this issue until you hit upon her basic fear. And then try to make her realize the futility of trying to guarantee these sorts of things. Cold feet of this sort, without any obvious incident in your relationship, usually stems from some kind of previous loss she experienced & isn't to do w/you directly.

It could be a good growth experience for both of you. Good luck.

[xmoongirlx]

I guess she has self-insecurity issues! Or loves you too much, that I guess the things she does are not satisfying enough in her eyes. This is certainly a bizarre situation.

Probably something u said, without meaning or noticing got to her & stayed on her mind!

Whatever it is, u should talk to her & try to get to the bottom of this =)

[JonC]

Thanks everyone for the tips. I have indeed tried to talk to her, and she even invited me over the other night and it felt as if we were together, I even stayed the night. She said that she wants to be with me and that everything's is okay, but then the next day I get that phone call, saying that we can't be.

I can't think of anything I would have said to her, and I've assured her that she is everything I need plus more. I'm thinking I'm going to wait it out a bit...

[xmoongirlx]

I'm happy that u found the answer.

Good luck!

[Gigabitch]

And as good ole Ben said "nothing is certain except death & taxes".

Sigh, I love Ben. He's my favorite ugly, bald, dead guy.

I'm thinking I'm going to wait it out a bit...

Good. Don't give up. Take it from a emotional wreck, you're probably not wasting your time. My boyfriend spent a lot of time patiently waiting for me to yo-yo around about whether or not I could handle being with him, bla bla bla.

She's just freaking out. It happens. Don't go there with her, just stay still and wait for her to calm down. I suggest you write her a letter that she can read over and over again. Plainly state your intention to be her man.