I hurt a freind, please help.

[johnstock]

Last week I really hurt one of my freinds after they said they didn't want to go out with me. We were both drunk and I really don't want to lose her as a freind. She's barely talking to me and when I do I just get a load of abuse. I didn't mean to hurt her because she mean a lot to me.

I was thinking about asking her how I could make it up to her but I have a feeling she'll just say "its ok you don't need to make it up to me" and shell just carry on ignoring me.

What can I do or say to her?

Thanks,
John.

[IndiReloaded]

Sincere apology.

When you say hurt, what did you do? Beat her up or verbally insult her?

[johnstock]

Sincere apology.

When you say hurt, what did you do? Beat her up or verbally insult her?

I had a massive go at her and embarassed her in front of her freinds.

I would never EVER hit a girl.

John.

[IndiReloaded]

Then you better have a massive apology go at her & her friends.

Abase yourself, what you did was really shitty.

However, I am older & experience has taught me that, usually, things do not occur in a vacuum. Did you have ANY justification for your anger? Not that makes your choice of expression okay, just wondering if there are larger issues at play.

[johnstock]

Then you better have a massive apology go at her & her friends.

Abase yourself, what you did was really shitty.

However, I am older & experience has taught me that, usually, things do not occur in a vacuum. Did you have ANY justification for your anger? Not that makes your choice of expression okay, just wondering if there are larger issues at play.

I was just drunk and I thought that she might go out with me as we are quite close freinds. I'm fine with not having a relationship but I feel I really need her as a freind.

I just feel so bad because if anybody ever hurt her I would rip their heads off but I went and hurt her myself, something I said I would never ever do.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah, my bad. So by 'go at her' you mean you hit on her strongly, in front of her friends, is that it? Were you the 20-armed octopus?

[johnstock]

Ah, my bad. So by 'go at her' you mean you hit on her strongly, in front of her friends, is that it? Were you the 20-armed octopus?

I was all over her, then she kept tryin to get away from me so I followed her everywhere, so she started gettin upset and then left. Not that long ago she was hinting about a relationship so i'm not sure if it was just the way I acted or if she doesn't want to go out with me.

[IndiReloaded]

So, are you really prepared to only accept friendship? Are you prepared for when she dates other guys and you get to hear all the gory details?

If so, I would call & leave a *brief* message apologizing for your behaviour. Say that you appreciate her friendship & would like the chance to make things up to her. Keep it fairly brief. Don't spill your guts by phone. Emphasize the *friendship* & what it means to you.

It is really hard when a friend falls for someone who isn't available, whatever the reason. Been there, done that. Hope things get better for you.

[johnstock]

So, are you really prepared to only accept friendship? Are you prepared for when she dates other guys and you get to hear all the gory details?

If so, I would call & leave a *brief* message apologizing for your behaviour. Say that you appreciate her friendship & would like the chance to make things up to her. Keep it fairly brief. Don't spill your guts by phone. Emphasize the *friendship* & what it means to you.

It is really hard when a friend falls for someone who isn't available, whatever the reason. Been there, done that. Hope things get better for you.

Thanks for the help. Is there a more subtle way I could ask her if I could make it up to her?

Thanks,
John.

[IndiReloaded]

A more subtle way? Meaning a way that protects your ego even tho you embarrassed her like hell?

I don't think you want any ambiguity on an apology like this, John. Subtlety only has a place when there's room to screw up on communication & intent. Right now, sounds to me like you got NO wiggle room.

If you had something else in mind, tho, why don't you just ask what we think of the idea?

[johnstock]

A more subtle way? Meaning a way that protects your ego even tho you embarrassed her like hell?

I don't think you want any ambiguity on an apology like this, John. Subtlety only has a place when there's room to screw up on communication & intent. Right now, sounds to me like you got NO wiggle room.

If you had something else in mind, tho, why don't you just ask what we think of the idea?

We've been out once before and it was going great. She sends me all the signals she likes me though and then never acts on them. I was thinking about sending her an email telling her how I feel but I don't really know what to put in it.

[Cain]

We've been out once before and it was going great. She sends me all the signals she likes me though and then never acts on them. I was thinking about sending her an email telling her how I feel but I don't really know what to put in it.

Didn't you already tell her how you felt once and she didn't take it?

Why are you going to put her in an awkward situation again?

[johnstock]

Didn't you already tell her how you felt once and she didn't take it?

Why are you going to put her in an awkward situation again?

Yeah but I didnt do it in a very nice way and we were both drunk.

John.

[misombra]

how often does the drunkenness occur?

[johnstock]

how often does the drunkenness occur?

About once a month for me on average.