Over-Analyzing

[XPRabbit]

I was listening to a trainee of mine, wait back a step:
Okay while in school for Massage therapy I am working at an IT call center. I am training a new guy… the way the training takes place is: 1)they listen to me take the calls for a couple days, 2)I talk on the calls but they do all the computer work, 3)they do all the work and I watch to make sure they got it.
Now he has been taking the calls now and I found that I learned him a bit too much… when I started at the center I had very little training so I had to come up a lot of answers on my own… but I taught him a ton, he has pages and pages of notes. But with all the information I gave him I found he gets a lot of it mixed up, I mean simple things that I had to find out and learn on my own I just told him now seem to confuse him. I found he tells customers things that relate to a different software all together and I need to step in a lot to correct him… so frankly I think I gave him way too much information way too fast, and it is hard for him to piece it all together.
This is where I am making a mistake I think, I don’t know…
So I have never been in a real relationship beyond friendship, and I have helped a ton of my friends through their heartbreaks and relationship issues… sometimes the logic came in well and it made for good advice but sometimes I find that my lack of experience make me lost in some areas. Now you may have read posts where I seem sure of myself in talking, it’s because I have seen a lot through friends and though I have never been kissed or dated, I have dealt with a ton of relationship stress from my friends and such…
Here is where I think I may be digging myself a hole… I am here to get advice about getting relationships and such, but I read a lot of posts and advice because I like to know everything about anything. And I was watching my trainee and wondering if maybe I was over loading myself with info. Maybe if I was really looking too deep into this and maybe I should ease up a bit… lol in the end I think I just vented this to tell myself that… but you know you see things a lot clearer when you put it out on the line.

[shh!]

I have no idea what you are asking. Your ideas seem to be completely unrelated.

[XPRabbit]

basically, is it worse that i am reading too far into this relationship stuff, or is it a good idea.

really i am asking if i am risking screwing my chances because i know too much and might even though i seem prepared, stumble over my own notes instead of taking it naturally.

[1averagejoe]

You're going to end up screwing things up over analyzing things. Stop worrying so damn much about it. Seriously now...if something happens in a relationship figure it out or ask for help here. It's that simple, no need to memorize and understand everything before getting into a relationship.

[Kromat]

I was listening to a trainee of mine, wait back a step:
Okay while in school for Massage therapy I am working at an IT call center. I am training a new guy…
the way the training takes place is: 1)they listen to me take the calls for a couple days,
2)I talk on the calls but they do all the computer work, 3)they do all the work and I watch to make sure they got it.
Now he has been taking the calls now and I found that I learned him a bit too much… when I started at the center
I had very little training so I had to come up a lot of answers on my own… but I taught him a ton, he has pages and
pages of notes. But with all the information I gave him I found he gets a lot of it mixed up, I mean simple things that I
had to find out and learn on my own I just told him now seem to confuse him. I found he tells customers things that relate
to a different software all together and I need to step in a lot to correct him… so frankly I think I gave him way too
much information way too fast, and it is hard for him to piece it all together.
This is where I am making a mistake I think, I don’t know…

For this situation, you can't let people absorb too much information or else they won't be as productive when trying to focus on one task.
Some people learn from trial and error.

So I have never been in a real relationship beyond friendship, and I have helped a ton of my friends through their
heartbreaks and relationship issues… sometimes the logic came in well and it made for good advice but sometimes
I find that my lack of experience make me lost in some areas. Now you may have read posts where I seem sure of myself
in talking, it’s because I have seen a lot through friends and though I have never been kissed or dated,
I have dealt with a ton of relationship stress from my friends and such…
Here is where I think I may be digging myself a hole… I am here to get advice about getting relationships and such, but
I read a lot of posts and advice because I like to know everything about anything. And I was watching my trainee and
wondering if maybe I was over loading myself with info. Maybe if I was really looking too deep into this and maybe
I should ease up a bit… lol in the end I think I just vented this to tell myself that…
but you know you see things a lot clearer when you put it out on the line.

I feel the same way as you, but I'm still striving to found someone that I can build a solid relationship with.
This person that I have been recently been talking with, seems like someone that I'd like to get to know because of our similar interests.
I'm past the whole friend zone routine and finally willing to take more risks to see how comfortable I am with the opposite sex.
She has recently to partner up at my dance classes, so it's a start to get comfortable, but I want to see how our
chemistry will work outside of the classes that will determine, If it will be a good relationship.

P.S. For me, I find that your weight might be the cause of some of the problems with your lack of relationship experience.
Most women are very shallow, and wouldn't want to be seen with someone of your size.

[anachronistic]

I was listening to a trainee of mine, wait back a step:
Okay while in school for Massage therapy I am working at an IT call center. I am training a new guy… the way the training takes place is: 1)they listen to me take the calls for a couple days, 2)I talk on the calls but they do all the computer work, 3)they do all the work and I watch to make sure they got it.
Now he has been taking the calls now and I found that I learned him a bit too much… when I started at the center I had very little training so I had to come up a lot of answers on my own… but I taught him a ton, he has pages and pages of notes. But with all the information I gave him I found he gets a lot of it mixed up, I mean simple things that I had to find out and learn on my own I just told him now seem to confuse him. I found he tells customers things that relate to a different software all together and I need to step in a lot to correct him… so frankly I think I gave him way too much information way too fast, and it is hard for him to piece it all together.
This is where I am making a mistake I think, I don’t know…
So I have never been in a real relationship beyond friendship, and I have helped a ton of my friends through their heartbreaks and relationship issues… sometimes the logic came in well and it made for good advice but sometimes I find that my lack of experience make me lost in some areas. Now you may have read posts where I seem sure of myself in talking, it’s because I have seen a lot through friends and though I have never been kissed or dated, I have dealt with a ton of relationship stress from my friends and such…
Here is where I think I may be digging myself a hole… I am here to get advice about getting relationships and such, but I read a lot of posts and advice because I like to know everything about anything. And I was watching my trainee and wondering if maybe I was over loading myself with info. Maybe if I was really looking too deep into this and maybe I should ease up a bit… lol in the end I think I just vented this to tell myself that… but you know you see things a lot clearer when you put it out on the line.

Well with your training people, you have to learn that the best learning experience for anyone is hands on. He shouldn't be referring to his notes so often, but when he isn't sure of whether he is doing something right. Your learning experience was hands on, so you should try to teach people similar to the way that you have learned.. maybe with a little bit of assistance here and there where you wished you had some.

About overanalyzing things... you could very well end up overanalyzing from reading things. As with all advice and any thoughts, take those with a grain of salt you know. I will be the first one to admit that some of the things I say on here can be biased at times, and it's best that you use your own judgment rather than resorting completely to people's advice. That's what I think the benefit of this website is; learning how to judge things for yourself. And some of the situations on here are just beyond ridiculous, and not only that, but we never hear the full story from anyone or get the other person's side, or know how it really was.

Eventually the right person will come along for you. The way I've found it, love comes when you don't expect it. I met a wonderful person the other day, and I really didn't foresee it happening. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I think it's good that you're not so desperate, because that's usually how people seem to be and it causes years worth of trouble that nobody needs.

[Gribble]

Is that rabbit eating from a bowl full of turds?

[XPRabbit]

Is that rabbit eating from a bowl full of turds?

it's chocolate pudding...

P.S. For me, I find that your weight might be the cause of some of the problems with your lack of relationship experience.
Most women are very shallow, and wouldn't want to be soon with someone of your size.

anyway i realize that being a fugly overweight flamboyant hippie really leaves me as nothing to be desired but with my low self esteem i still have enough self confidence to look up and work strong toward the future, i am working on weight loss, but not for love. i want to loose weight for myself, i want to be able to be as active as i used to be, i want to fit into my old hockey gear, i want to be able to look at myself with a pride.

You're going to end up screwing things up over analyzing things. Stop worrying so damn much about it. Seriously now...if something happens in a relationship figure it out or ask for help here. It's that simple, no need to memorize and understand everything before getting into a relationship.

that's what I figured, i was looking for a 2nd opinion... i do need to lighten up and wait for something to happen or i will stumble over my notes lol.

[Kromat]

it's chocolate pudding...
anyway i realize that being a fugly overweight flamboyant hippie really leaves me as nothing to be desired but with
my low self esteem i still have enough self confidence to look up and work strong toward the future, i am working on
weight loss, but not for love. i want to loose weight for myself, i want to be able to be as active as i used
to be, i want to fit into my old hockey gear, i want to be able to look at myself with a pride.

I know you probably want to hear that, but I had pretty low self-esteem when I was around 210 Ibs.
as it doesn't compare to your weight, but it could've risen a lot higher than what it was.
Sometimes you have to found out the benefits and confidence
you will gain to show that your comfortable with the way you are.

[XPRabbit]

^.^ i am comfortable how i am, i just want to be better. and if someone else isn't okay with me then that's their opinion ^.^. if my size is stopping me from dating then so be it.

[Kromat]

^.^ i am comfortable how i am, i just want to be better. and if someone else isn't
okay with me then that's their opinion ^.^. if my size is stopping me from dating then so be it.

I suggest you talk with your female friends, and found out their opinions why your always stuck in the friend zone.

[XPRabbit]

okay i asked a female friend of mine... i asked the female friend that fits the scene the best. this is a girl i have known for 5-6 years now. in highschool i kind of avoided her a bit and i was in an emotional slump (manic depressive). anyway we were okay friends in highschool and then we lost contact until college.

in college she called me to see how i was (she had met a guy and gotten married) and after that we became the best of friends, i mean talking for hours at a time, talking with me she single handedly doubled her phone bill...

so i was talking with her and she said that she wasn't a believer of the (friend zone). i mean she didn't think of dating me at all in highschool because i am not physically attractive at all, and my depression made me seem like drama if she tryed and that got rid of mental attraction. but she told me that if she wasn't taken then she feels that we would be going out. her being my friend for so long she grew attracted to me mentally, and said that her attraction to me mentally would have covered the fact that she wasn't physically attracted to me. she told me that in highschool if we were the same people we are today then she would have dated me.

she talked about Nice Guy Syndrome in a social class of hers and mentioned that it does exist but mental attraction will build a relationship in time. really the only reason me and her never dated was not because i was placed into a friend zone, but because she didn't realize she was attracted to me until after she was married....

in essence she sates that there is no friend zone, it's just a matter of attraction... i think the Friend zone is a place that was made up so that it was easier to deal with the lack of attraction. and attraction can be built.

the nice guy videos made a point, "how does she know she is special if you treat her like everyone else." i think men fall into this possible friend zone, not because females place them there, but because men don't express the interest. and if men do express interest then it's due to lack of attraction.

this was the conversation lol...

[Kromat]

okay i asked a female friend of mine... i asked the female friend that fits the scene the best. this is a girl i have known for
5-6 years now. in highschool i kind of avoided her a bit and i was in an emotional slump (manic depressive).
anyway we were okay friends in highschool and then we lost contact until college.

in college she called me to see how i was (she had met a guy and gotten married) and after that we became the best of friends,
i mean talking for hours at a time, talking with me she single handedly doubled her phone bill...

so i was talking with her and she said that she wasn't a believer of the (friend zone). i mean she didn't think of dating me at all in
highschool because i am not physically attractive at all, and my depression made me seem like drama if she tryed and that got rid of
mental attraction. but she told me that if she wasn't taken then she feels that we would be going out. her being my friend for so long
she grew attracted to me mentally, and said that her attraction to me mentally would have covered the fact that she wasn't physically
attracted to me. she told me that in highschool if we were the same people we are today then she would have dated me.

she talked about Nice Guy Syndrome in a social class of hers and mentioned that it does exist but mental attraction will build a relationship in time.
really the only reason me and her never dated was not because i was placed into a friend zone, but because
she didn't realize she was attracted to me until after she was married....

in essence she sates that there is no friend zone, it's just a matter of attraction... the Friend zone is a place
that was made up so that it was easier to deal with the lack of attraction. and attraction can be built.

the nice guy videos made a point, "how does she know she is special if you treat her like everyone else."
i think men fall into this possible friend zone, not because females place them there, but because men
don't express the interest. and if men do express interest then it's due to lack of attraction.

this was the conversation lol...

Thanks, that explained a lot, and your probably right.
I hope it goes well for you, and you get the results you wanted.

[starbuck]

Most women are very shallow, and wouldn't want to be seen with someone of your size.

If a woman isn't attracted to someone who is overweight, does that necessarily make her shallow? Are you saying a woman shouldn't be concerned with wanting a partner that takes care of himself physically by exercising regularly and not over-eating?

[starbuck]

^.^ i am comfortable how i am, i just want to be better. and if someone else isn't okay with me then that's their opinion ^.^. if my size is stopping me from dating then so be it.

This sounds like a good healthy attitude to me. Do you consider dating women who are overweight as well? I guess it would even the playing field, right?