should i leave now before its too late?

[jen913]

ok so i kno someone posted a thread similiar to this and i replied to it with part of my story, but heres the whole thing..

ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and i love him very very much. we started dating when i was 17, and he was 18. we are now 20 and 21. we have a very serious relationship, and it has been like this for most of the time we have been together. this was my first 'real' relationship. i wasnt so sure about it or how a relationship worked, but as the years went on, i got the hang of it.

we get along great. all of our friends tell us that if they ever get in a relationship they want to be just like us. we're part of each others families (him more part of mine since he basically lives with me when we are at home, we're at college now and dorm separately) but we are together almost 24/7 either way. here at school we do have more time apart, but not at home, since he lives with my in my room. but anyway..

even though i was almost always shy, i've had numerous guys tell me they like me or are attracted to me in one way or another. this is before my relationship, and and lately its been happening more and more. i would like to go out and meet new people and try new things and not have any serious attachments to anybody, but right now, i cant.

i love my boyfriend soooo much and cant really imagine myself in a relationship with anyone else. we talked about marriage and kids and everything. he already got a proposal in mind but he wont give me details (duh). a year or two ago, i was looking forward to all of this, but as time goes on, i seem to get more nervous about the whole idea. i've dated people before him, but now i feel like i want to be independent for a little while. i dont want to lose him completely... just temporarily, as stupid as that sounds. i dont expect him to just wait around, but... i dont know...

over the summer i tried to talk to him and 'take a break' but that didn't work out because he was extremely upset and after all the talking and everything, he talked me out of it. a friend of mine keeps telling me to just take a break because i need it, but at the same time he told me that he is interested in me, so i tend to his brush his advice away. he told me: would i rather have a tumor now that i can possible fix, or would i just wait til it gets to cancer (marriage) when it will be even worse if i feel he same way. he knows my bf and sees that hes clingy. my best friend also told me to take a break if im not completely happy, but its just so hard. i dont want to lose him forever... he sed he doesnt believe in 'breaks' and if we break up there is no way of getting back together ever again and he will hate me. im sorry for sounding stupid/selfish and for making this so long. any advice...?

[jen913]

opps, sorry i didnt realize i posted a silimar thread a while back...

[jen913]

UPDATE! (if anyone cares)

ok, so i ended up breaking up with him and my best friend told me not to give in when he comes crawling back, but i did. he got my flowers, a card, and a bunch of little things that he knows i like. he just left it at my door and left but then to talk later on that night. i didnt want to let him in because i know i would want to give in to what he says and thats exactly what happened. the reason i told him i broke up with him is because i told him in the past if he brings up a sensitive subject about my past again, then im walking away, and the day before, thats exactly what he did so well, i left. he said he realized all the wrong things he did and that he knows its only been a day, but he thought all night and he cant lose me again and blah blah blah...

things have been goin ok i guess. oh, that other guy that was giving me attention, he ended up coming over the night i broke up with my bf, and we ended up kissing, nothing more. the way he kisses and moves his body and everything was a complete turn off and i dont even want anything to happen anymore. im still a little curious about everything he said, but at the same time, i can care less because if he cant kiss, im not interested. i told him i want to stop talkin to me like he does and to just be normal friends but he said i cant 'have my cake and eat it too' so he just will give me my space and not talk to me at all for now. so whatever, i dont care.

but anyway, since the 1-day-break-up, me and my boyfriend have been more affectionate and i can see a change in him, but some little things still annoy me but no one is perfect. last night actually we got into it a little when we went to the bar. i was with my friends and he 'supposedly' understood that i was going with them, when i clearly told him to call me when he leaves and he just left without me and i had no ride. i ran into his old roommate and other floor mates and asked to get a ride with them. i also went to high school with his roommate so ive known him for a while. he calls me his little sister and i call him my big brother, but little did i kno that hes attracted to me more than that. his roommate was so druuuunk last night and just spilled the beans with his thoughts. he has a girlfriend too and they have been together for a year, but he told me that sometimes he wishes i wasnt with my boyfriend and he wasnt with his girl because... well yea, im missing some minor details about what he said, and then he told me that some of the people my boyfriend's friends also think the same thing, but they never say anything because my boyfriend is their 'boy' and they cant do that too him. he even tried kissing me! he was so drunk tho. so i just let it go. i havent seen him yet and i am pretty sure he wont remember anything.

the majority of my friends are guys. i know at one time or another half of them were attracted to me in one way or another. when i think i am just friends with some of them, i find out they want more. i guess thats just my stupid 'girl' way of thinking, i dont know. it sorta sucks that i cant have just normal friends tho. i have a really good personality and am always there for any of my friends who need me for anything and i guess thats what they can be attracted to, in addition to my 'decent' physical appearance. i cant say my self esteem is that high about myself so, i sometimes dont see what others see in me at all..... blaaah. i dunno lol