I'm attracted to my Co-Worker...but she is Married.

[BlueHarvest]

Deleted. Piss off trolls.

[Gribble]

She has kids? She's off-limits. Don't be the slimy greaseball that breaks up a child's home. Have some human decency. Quit thinking with that little worm between your legs.

[ecojeanne]

my gut: she's hinting alright....if u want sex fine.....because thats all she wants you for to get back at the hubbie and feel justified to let off the steam with you. If you're an emotional guy then no don't go for it....


also its very messy....the husband might come after you, there are kids....AND she works with you

you'd be mad to go near her in my honest opinion

[BlueHarvest]

Wow...Maybe I joined the wrong forum for advice. Gribble I'm not a greaseball, not even close. Did you even read the entire message? I've known her for a year, she's practically spilled her life story at me over the past year. I know more about her brother and father then I do about my own biological father (who my mother left when I was 5, but that is besides the point).

I care about her feelings and hate seeing her get shredded emotionally like this by her indecent dick of a husband. I'm not thinking of the "worm between my legs" you atrocious ass. I don't like random sex with people, been there, done that, no thanks. She seemed like she was expressing interest and she WAS the one that got the ball rolling on the divorce. It's not like I influenced her in any way. Wow, just cannot belive how you reacted there Gribble. Do you act like this in real life too? If so it's no wonder you are here on these forums.

Big mistake...guess not every forum has helpful people.

[Gribble]

Go **** yourself, dick.

You are influencing her. Just being the warm, compassionate guy she talks to is influencing her and leading her down a certain path. The right thing to do, the decent thing, is to back off, let her think this through for herself and let her make her own choices. If, without your influence, she decides to leave her husband, then go for it. But so long as she's married, you're nothing but scum for letting yourself get involved. Selfish scum.

People like you never can see it that way, though. You're the knight in shining armor, right? Of course you only have her best interests at heart. Bull. You'd love to get in those panties and no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise, you know the truth. You're the same as any other male, only you're a bigger hypocrite than some.

[shh!]

You are too young to even consider taking on a woman with two children, especially one who is coming from so much drama. Her kids are going to need someone very experienced with children that they can rely on because their parents are screwing up their lives and creating nothing but instability. this means they will very likely be difficult children to raise, especially during their teen years, and they will resent you for the role you played in supporting their mother's decisions to split up. (Kids love both parents, even if one of them is a jerk, regardless of what a hero you tried to be.)

The other thing is that you are only hearing what she wants you to know. I'm sure her husband has another side to this story, and if she were an emotionally healthy woman, she wouldn't have been attracted to such creep to begin with.

You are heading in WAY over your head. I suggest you turn around and run far, far away.

[lesa]

drama....

...you'll just be her stress reliever. Most likely she won't divorce...she's just saying that. Until the divorce is finalized, it isn't happening.

Why give your life unnecessary drama?

[starbuck]

OP, in case you're still readng. She's in bad marriage, and if she really does divorce, she'll need alot of time to get her emotions straightened out. I suggest you stay strictly friends with her until she gets all of this sorted out. For your sake as well as hers. You don't want to make things any more sticky than they already are.

I think you sound like a decent guy, and you clearly stated you didn't want her to divorce for you, and that you wanted her to divorce of her own accord. That doesn't sound selfish to me. I do however think that you need to examine your reasons for wanting to eventually date her and make sure that you aren't going into "rescuer" mode because I don't think that that is a healthy basis for a relationship.

On another note, as far as him being too young to help her raise her children. He said he was in his midtwenties. If she hypothetically divorces her husband and she starts seeing the OP, let's say in a year, is 26 or 27 still too young? I'm genuinely curious about what you guys think. Especially since I don't have children so I'm kind of a noob when it comes to giving any advice that involves children in the picture.

[shh!]

I think to be a first time parent at that age is hard enough, but to attempt to step-parent at that age? It's biting off more than you can chew. I don't think anyone should be allowed to step-parent until they have experience raising their own children.

BTW - I have step kids. I know what I'm talking about, and trust me, it's 10,000x harder than raising your own. Step-parenting issues are the number one reason for divorce in remarriages, and if you think the divorce rates are high, check out the stats on remarriage.

[starbuck]

I think to be a first time parent at that age is hard enough, but to attempt to step-parent at that age? It's biting off more than you can chew. I don't think anyone should be allowed to step-parent until they have experience raising their own children.

BTW - I have step kids. I know what I'm talking about, and trust me, it's 10,000x harder than raising your own. Step-parenting issues are the number one reason for divorce in remarriages, and if you think the divorce rates are high, check out the stats on remarriage.

I may do that. Those studies sound interesting and I'm always wanting to learn more about the parent's perspective. Like I said, since I don't have kids so these types of posts are the hardest for me to give answers/thoughts about. I'll leave it to the actual parents on here to give their thoughts about the kids part

For some reason I also feel like I have trouble responding to the posts of the teenagers who come on here needing advice. Maybe if I could actually remember what it was like to be a teenager, it would come more easily.

[lesa]

For some reason I also feel like I have trouble responding to the posts of the teenagers who come on here needing advice. Maybe if I could actually remember what it was like to be a teenager, it would come more easily.

I sort of remember what I was like and that's why it's hard to give teenagers advice. I couldn't imagine doing the things that some of the teens posts on here. It was very much worth in to abstain when I was that age. I have absolutely no regrets. These kids 'wow' me. They need religion badly. hehe jk...I think.

[starbuck]

I thought it was easier to just abstain at that age too, Lesa. Sex to me as a teenager, just seemed way too complicated. I was a virgin until I was 21.

[ecojeanne]

I thought it was easier to just abstain at that age too, Lesa. Sex to me as a teenager, just seemed way too complicated. I was a virgin until I was 21.

ye i agree, me too, it was way to scary to think about before 21, catholic guilt had a part to play....which in this case happened to be good for me..... until i became a rebel at 21

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Hi folks, a little new to the forums here. 'Preciate any advice in advance.

Guess I'll start off with a little background 'cause this is probably the wierdest situation I've ever been in.

I've been working with this woman for a little over a year now. I've found her physically attractive but never really did anything cause she is married. I just knew it would never go anywhere.

First off, you say you appreciate ANY advice and when given advice by Gribble that you don't want to hear, you got mad, so no, you didn't appreciate any advice given.

Secondly, you said you knew it would NEVER go anywhere, so why are you so curious to know if she's even interested in you or not? You're just a rebound, you're just there to console her. You dislike this forum because we're telling you the truth and not what you want to hear. If you want people to tell you to go for it, type in "love forums with members who make me feel good even when Im ****ing up" in the google search box.

Plain and simple op, she's in the middle of a divorce, and she has kids with the man she is trying to divorce. Getting in the middle of it all is setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Then you'll be right back on here complaining about how women are so coldhearted.

[IndiReloaded]

Just do a Google search for "emotional affair". If you are honestly wanting to do the right thing, I think this info will help you to understand better what is going on.

We've had posters like you come on here before. Exact same type of reaction as you've had. Gribble (and others) just know from experience what is going on & are trying to 'shock' you into understanding.

Do know that, right now, you are in a position of denial. So do read up on EAs, like I suggest. Once you've had a chance to digest this info, come back & discuss. Since you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful individual (obviously, b/c you came here for advice), I would bet you'll see things differently after reading up some.

This will get you started:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair[/url]

Good luck. And don't despair, or beat yourself up over this. Its quite a common happening in today's mixed work environment.