My little update...

[Cain]

Everyone always thinks the other party handled the breakup worse than them.

You didn't read my other threads so you shouldn't be commenting on that aspect of this situation.

[lastwish]

It's good that you're handling the break-up well. Accepting is a major step in the healing process. I'm not so sure if chances are good that you and this new girl will end up together. But eventually you'll find someone and someone wayyyy better than you're ex. That, I'm sure.

[Cain]

It's good that you're handling the break-up well. Accepting is a major step in the healing process. I'm not so sure if chances are good that you and this new girl will end up together. But eventually you'll find someone and someone wayyyy better than you're ex. That, I'm sure.

I'm not expecting me and the new girl to get back together. The only way for it to happen is for me to be patient and play the game perfectly... because she's said she's not looking to date right now. Which is fine. I'm up for it. Maybe some of you women can offer suggestions.

Here's the issue. She works full time and goes to school full time so she is very busy. She has no days off. She's either at school or work every day. The best days to hang out with her are on the weekend but she's likely going to use those days to hang out with family and close friends. I'm probably going to have to handle little 1 or 2 hour hangout sessions on a weekday or two. Basically, women, spill your brains. Give me some tips. Ask me some questions. Help me not **** this up and help me improve my chances.

By the way, my ex is still checking up on me. It doesn't bother me, but I'm really curious as to why. I mean, she's doing it every day and she doesn't think I know. She's over me. She doesn't want to be with me anymore. So why the hell does she keep checking on me every day? If she was over me, she'd be indifferent and wouldn't care if I was over her or not.

[Zilla80]

Just because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore doesn't mean she doesn't care about you as a person.

[Cain]

Just because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore doesn't mean she doesn't care about you as a person.

With what she's said and done since the break up, I have a hell of a hard time believing she cares about me at all. Regardless, she doesn't want to talk to me and she's made efforts to make sure I don't know what she's up to... but she is checking up on me every day. I'd understand checking up every now and then... every couple weeks or so... but every day?

[lesa]

Marilyn Monroe said something that I think fits this situation: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

I absolutely love this quote! Wow, this is a quote worthy for me to use. May I use it in my signature please? I will post it now as I can't wait for your response, but you can let me know otherwise .

For some reason, the opposite personality has attracted me.

Same for me.

[Cain]

I absolutely love this quote! Wow, this is a quote worthy for me to use. May I use it in my signature please? I will post it now as I can't wait for your response, but you can let me know otherwise .

It's not like I said it. Use whatever you want. It definitely is a good quote though. If my ex couldn't handle the distance or any minor issues that we had, then she doesn't deserve to be with me in the future when the distance wouldn't have been a factor. I'm curious as to how she's going to act when it's around the time I was going to be moving there.

Same for me.

It's weird. We talked a little more tonight just over messenger and her views so far are all liberal. No conservative views at all. It's the exact opposite of me, almost all conservative. Anyways, I don't look at that as a big thing. I don't mind opposite views on a lot of things. The only things that I don't like and can't deal with is smoking, drugs, and sluts.

Anyways, feel free to offer female advice on this situation with this girl. She's busy so I likely won't get any weekends with her so I'm going to have to settle for little outings during the week for like 1 or 2 hours each time.

[lesa]

It's weird. We talked a little more tonight just over messenger and her views so far are all liberal. No conservative views at all. It's the exact opposite of me, almost all conservative. Anyways, I don't look at that as a big thing. I don't mind opposite views on a lot of things. The only things that I don't like and can't deal with is smoking, drugs, and sluts.

I am in the middle (a little conservative and a little liberal). It depends on the issues. I also do not feel it is a big deal.

Anyways, feel free to offer female advice on this situation with this girl. She's busy so I likely won't get any weekends with her so I'm going to have to settle for little outings during the week for like 1 or 2 hours each time.

Well I would be a big fat hypocrite to tell you that no relationship can develop after she told you she is too busy. My bf is also extremely busy and he too is not looking for a serious relationship. I thought he was lying but he really is busy every day. I don’t know how he does it! He said that he feels he cannot devote enough time and care to a serious relationship because it would not be fair to her. A serious girlfriend would complain or nag that he is not spending enough time with her. He also doesn’t want to explain his day-to-day actions and he doesn’t want to always go on dates or spend a lot of time with a significant other. How does that sound? Are you okay with a relationship like that?

My point is that she is telling you in her own words how a relationship with her would be like at this time in her life--take her word for it. If she doesn’t want to date or have a boyfriend then there is nothing you can do except ask her what does she want in a relationship if she was to have one right now. If you cannot agree to whatever she wants then I would not pursue her if I were you. She must understand your expectations and you must understand hers and decide from there.

[Cain]

I'm busy enough with work and school that I wouldn't expect to hang out with her every day. In fact, I'd be fine with just hanging out one or two days a week with maybe a couple "lunch dates" in between. I'm definitely not expecting to see a girl every day even if it wasn't her I was dating.

I don't want to bring up dating right now because we still don't know each other enough and she might try cutting off the contact. I'm probably just going to avoid weekend hangouts right now and just work on one or two hangouts during the week after school is over. It's too soon to even mention dating to a girl that's trying to avoid it. Maybe, casually in conversation, we'll discuss it again and I'll find out how she'd feel about being in a relationship being that busy if the guy was fine with it.

[lesa]

Maybe the other ladies can give some insight as well. I really don't know what I would do or how I would feel. If I don't want a relationship then it is not much he can do. Hanging out with me will just lead to a friendship unless he is doing some flirting indicating that he wants more but even that didn't work for me. We women are weird, lol. If we are not ready for a relationship then we will not pursue one. At the some time another guy can get us to change our minds somehow.

When we get a certain vibe from a man, we will no longer make excuses to ourselves, but we both must be on the same page.

Go slow and have fun.

[Cain]

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to get this girl to start dating me tomorrow. But I'm not going to wait and try to get her to date me forever either. I'll be hanging out and having fun and if I happen to find someone else oh well.

I've gotten another woman's opinion who is about our age and she said that when she tells a guy that, she wouldn't mean it. So who knows.

[lesa]

Yeah it depends on the man. We women may lie when it comes to dating. I like a man that is slightly charisma and very enthusiastic but it depends on whether I have an interest to him. I remember a man that was pursuing me and I had no interest in him. He was determined to be my boyfriend. He would ask me whether I am available. I don’t see him in a romantic aspect.

My boyfriend basically did the same thing but I have a romantic interest in him but was not very open. It took him about 5-6 weeks for me to finally want any romantic relationship with him. The other guy pursued me for almost a year and I have not change my mind.

Who knows? My best friend married the man she initially had no interest in.

[Cain]

Yeah it depends on the man. We women may lie when it comes to dating. I like a man that is slightly charisma and very enthusiastic but it depends on whether I have an interest to him. I remember a man that was pursuing me and I had no interest in him. He was determined to be my boyfriend. He would ask me whether I am available. I don’t see him in a romantic aspect.

My boyfriend basically did the same thing but I have a romantic interest in him but was not very open. It took him about 5-6 weeks for me to finally want any romantic relationship with him. The other guy pursued me for almost a year and I have not change my mind.

Who knows? My best friend married the man she initially had no interest in.

If I were to find out that she didn't have a romantic interest in me then I definitely wouldn't keep pursuing her. I think pursuing a girl that isn't interested for months and months is rather stupid.

So, any ideas on why psycho girl is checking on me every day and trying to make sure I didn't find out?

[lesa]

So, any ideas on why psycho girl is checking on me every day and trying to make sure I didn't find out?

She is curious about how you are doing. Less communication/contact = increase interest/curiosity

She doesn't know what she wants to do with the interest yet. She will eventually decrease checking in on you. Right now she is curious about how you are doing/coping. This would not be happening if you have been contacting her a lot.

[Cain]

She is curious about how you are doing. Less communication/contact = increase interest/curiosity

She doesn't know what she wants to do with the interest yet. She will eventually decrease checking in on you. Right now she is curious about how you are doing/coping. This would not be happening if you have been contacting her a lot.

I hope I'll be able to have the ultimate revenge. I hope that in time she'll come back telling me how much she misses me and that she made a mistake. And then I can't wait to look her in the eyes and say, "sorry, but I've moved on." I don't believe that she loved me. Not after what she's done since the break up.

And I understand checking on how I'm doing every now and then, but at least once per day? Sometimes twice? I'm more inclined to believe that she's trying to see if I've moved on so she can try to grab me back.