confusing signals

[busgirl]

met this guy 2 months ago at work, we became friends and started hanging out outside of work. went out a few times to pubs, concerts, etc, and i told him i had a crush on him. he told me he had thought about it but we shouldnt do that. we continued to be friends, and a few days later, i spent the night at his house, and we cuddled all night. still friends, then a week later, spent the night again. the other night, we were hanging out and he told me that i was amazing and kept saying "how could you not have known how i feel?", and other sweet little nothings. we havent had sex. we still work together, and are still friends, and that is apparently all we are to him, because he only calls every few days and when he does, i find it hard to talk to him because i am scared to show him how i feel just to get turned down again. sometimes he acts like he's in love with me, but other times he acts like the idea of us being more than just friends makes him sick. this man is 27 years old, its not like he's a stupid teenager. any insight into whats going on here? should i just roll with it? i cant just be his friend.

[sfalexi]

Just cause he's 27 doesn't mean he can't have that "stupid teenager" attitude and be trying to play some stupid game. Age is not a factor in maturaty. So don't count that out just yet.

You have to measure whether it's worth the risk or not. Tell him how you feel, and maybe you'll get a straight answer. If he seems 'iffy' or 'confused', just make sure you're not getting played for sex, after which he'll say, "You know. Last night was amazing. But I think I want to stay friends." Cause even though that's a dick thing to do, people do it.

I say bring it up. "What are we? I think it's safe to say we're more than friends, but what do you think? Where do you see this going? Are you looking for a relationship or 'fun' or what?"

If he's trying to get some, he'll say stuff like, "Let's just take it as it comes and see what happens." If he's straight up he'll tell you exactly what he's looking for. Whether it be 'fun' or 'trying to find someone to start a relationship.' The first answer (the 'let's just take it as it goes') leaves him a huge loophole to get out of the relationship status if at any point he feels he doesn't want you around him that much any more.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Alexi

[Uncertain]

Yah, I noticed = P

[dragoon]

You work with him. He's probably debating the plusses of dating you and the minuses of dating a coworker. Sometimes he feels it's worth it, and is all into you. Other times, something snaps him back and he distances himself.

[sfalexi]

You work with him. He's probably debating the plusses of dating you and the minuses of dating a coworker. Sometimes he feels it's worth it, and is all into you. Other times, something snaps him back and he distances himself.

Or he could be playing some stupid game.

If you ASK him, you'll find out whether he's debating the plusses/minuses. And don't say, "Are you debating the plusses/minuses of dating a coworker?" Cause then if he's playing some stupid game, you've given him the PERFECT excuse in your question.

Alexi

[manderbug]

Yes, Busgirl, I am in EXACTLY the same situation! And isn't it frustrating?!!

I don't think anyone ever WANTS to be attracted to a co-worker for obvious reasons, but I've learned you can't stop attraction.

I always vowed not to date a co-worker, but this guy makes me change my mind. The fact that I was against the idea and now willing to reconsider tells you just how much I like this guy. Maybe you're the same way?

I guess Dragoon (above) may be on the right track with guessing the guy is weighing the pros/cons of dating a co-worker.

I have decided it would be worth the risk, but maybe guys are more cautious in the area of dating a co-worker. Apparently, neither of our guys are fully ready to make the commitment. (even though they enjoy spending time with you.)

Let me know your progress...I would love to hear a success story!