Guys: Input Please!

[manderbug]

I always thought men were pretty straight-forward in showing their interest towards a girl, but I am playing cupid with a potential couple... I know he likes the girl, but sometimes he seems so hot and cold.

Do you feel that some (or all) men play hard to get? If so, under what circumstances do men play hard-to-get? What would be the purpose?

Thanks....

[BillyGalbreath]

I dont really know the answer to this question - but I will answer from what I have seen - not experienced

guys have to play hard to get to get the damn woman's attention - I have seen guys that tell the girl that they like her and she just is like 'ok' or gets scared off - but the cute guy that doesnt act like he is interested really seems to spike the woman's attention and she will pay more attention to him --- its a game to women- they want to win - but they want to have a challenge that they can tell their other friends about.

Something along those lines seems pretty right to me. As for me - I am the poor slope that tells the girl how he feels when he feels it - sometimes it works, most of the time it dont. But **** it - I aint changin for no one.

[Breezy18]

I don't know that I would agree with EVERYthing Billy says, but he has a point about a guy showing lack of interest, actually spiking the girl's interest. Although, Billy, that sounds like the game is being played on the guys part. But BOTH sexes do it. It's just human nature to want and need validation. Everyone wants to feel loved, needed, sexy and important to someone. And sometimes the "thrill" of what might be is more exciting. I would ask you this. How does your friend act around him? Does she show genuine interest? Or is she nonchalant about the whole thing? He may be afraid to show interest for fear of rejection. Or he may just not have decided yet in his OWN mind.

[sfalexi]

Billy's got it pretty much right. Most girls, given two guys who are about equally attracted, will be more drawn the mysteriousness of the "hot/cold" guy or the one that seems less interested simply because they will wonder why and will wonder what he's like. The other guy that started a conversation and said that he liked her, well, she KNOWS what he's about. But she WONDERS about that guy over there. The one that made eye contact, smiled, and then walked away . . .

It's a human trait to desire that which we do not fully know about . . . think about all those old gameshows that offerred you either A) a new car or B) whatever's in the mystery box . . .

It's just human nature. Maybe he knows that and is playing off of it.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

hmm - I am gonna start trying that - it always seems to at least get her attention - maybe i can get her attention long enough to make a friend

[SteveM]

Girls think it's all about games, over think things and think everything has a hidden meaning and stuff like that in my experience... I've had female-friends tell me as much really about how they play hard to get and stuff...

I don't get it, if someone plays "hard to get" with me I just can't tell the difference between that and them just not having any interest in me at all and will just take it as such. Most guys will really.

Guys don't want to play games but you can't help but notice the one time you just say "aw f**k it" and ignore her cos it's getting on your nerves... THATS when she wants to talk to you... ugh..!

[SpaZz]

hmmmm hot and cold aye.... lol I'm not sure this questions been answered yet. But i'll take a swing at it. 1st of all we need to know what kind of hot and cold we're talking about.... If he goes out on a date with her, holds her hand, gives her flowers, cuddles kisses and whispers sweet words into her ear. Then dosen't call 4 a week and then is back again. I'd say hes a player. That would be the easiest explanation.

But if its a suttle hot and cold... like smiles and walks away. Then there could be a whole list of things up with him. eg self confidence issue, not knowing what u want outta a relationship, heart been broke too many times, been outta the game 4 too long and is rusty, is unsure of her, has other things that are weighing heavily on his mind.... likes her too much but knows he's gonna screw it up??????

No guy likes to be put into a position to fail, but thats what love is. Most guys that are decent and play hot and cold. Do it because they are still unsure of what they want or can bring to a relationship.

If ur cupid lol, why not ask him? Not on behalf of ur friend. But just 4 ur piece of mind. Lack of communication, I would say, would be the biggest reason most relationships fail.

[manderbug]

I asked this fella and he said he gets distant 'cuz she's always around other guys. I thought men were usually competetive, so this surprised me. Would that intimidate you fellas?

[dragoon]

It definitely intimidates some guys. It would intimidate me under certain circumstances. But if things are very casual/in the beginning, it wouldn't bother me at all. A single, attractive woman is going to have guys going after her no matter what. No point getting scared off by it.

[sfalexi]

I asked this fella and he said he gets distant 'cuz she's always around other guys. I thought men were usually competetive, so this surprised me. Would that intimidate you fellas?

I don't like competition either. Why should I waste my time on a flirtatious girl with tons of guys around her? There's more of a chance I'll be just another number. Just ANOTHER guy hitting on her while she ends up choosing someone else.

[SteveM]

I wouldn't say other guys intimidate but when you see a girl being all flirty around loads of guys then you know she's just lapping it up.. whats the point in being another one of the "lackeys". It just looks sad and desperate and never gonna get you anywhere with that sort of girl.

[Buotro]

My friend who I've been pursuing made sure I didn't think I was another lackey by telling me she doesn't have many guy friends. I know she's lying because she's told me about some of the times she's gone out and other guy friends have always been involved. I've gotten confirmation that these guys are her friends and that she's known them for years. I had to make this point because this girl is so freakin good at playing games it's ridiculous. This is why guys are hot and cold. Little immature girls who desperately need a hobby.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

It doesn't matter how much I really like a girl, if she's always around other guys I am not going to seem interested. I turn myself off when I'm around people I don't know, especially guys because I really dislike my gender. As for being hot and cold Billy was right, you can't just be honest with a girl, you hafta play some kind of foolish game to keep their attention. Apparently if something great can be easily attained then it isn't interesting enough to pursue. No girl will admit to that but that's how you ladies operate and we all know it.

[Prodigal]

There's this quote that kind of explains this: "The chase is better than the catch".

To answer your question, mander, it depends on what type of person he is. I didn't feel that he was trying to play to get her attention. It may be so, but I'll try to take a different view.

Maybe he's just shy. I'm a pretty shy guy when I like a girl. I think it might be because he doubts himself. He might have confidence that it'll work out one day, and then the next day, he'll doubt himself and think that it's over again- hence the hot and cold splashes. True, his feelings are mixed, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't like her. In fact, I think it means he likes her a lot. He just might currently be really careful about her, because he knows that relationships are very delicate and one big screw-up might mess up everything.

[Illusional]

well for the most part, i think that guys have a harder time at showing their emotions. also at a younger age, when a guy is interested in a guy, he will either clam up, or just be a total dick to her because he doesn't know how else to act. this does seem immature, but hey, we are guys. we mature later than girls. raverboy