The Other Woman

[4u2nv]

Hello...I am new to seeking advice online but thought this might b a good start to gettin my head right....Like most I have been in good and bad relationships...I was married for 6 years and have been divorced for four...For those of you that have been in my place before marriage changes u...some has been for the good..some bad....With that being said I was pursued by a man last Feb of 08..when we finally met I was optimistic...a few months in we began discussing relationships it was at that time he shared that he was at the time "dating" a female he had met in Oct they were not official but it was obvious he wanted her in his life...we talked countless times bout us and where we might go...he was very honest in telling me if she decided she wanted to b with him exclusively that he would b with her..at the same time he wanted me in his life as well...now yes i know what u all are thinkin why stay with a man who u knw u are goin to eventually share????not a place I EVER imagined I would b...I never want to get comfortable being the other woman but fact is I am...I have been with this man for almost a year...We spend time together...our kids know each other and I have fallen so in love with him I cant tell if I am comin or goin....I have never been in a place like this before...I could go on and on about how I feel and what I want the bottom line is I know he is going to stay with her and it hurts like nothing I ever imagined...I cant imagine not having him in my life...our friendship is wonderful yet I know part of why he keeps me around is out of his own selfishness...If and when the time comes for her to move in with him then I wonder where that will leave me???? I cant get his feelings outside of me knowing he cares for me out of him and it is so frustrating...I have never had a problem getting a man to love me until now and I hate the feeling of him not loving or wanting me the way he does her...How can i feel like I belong with this man??? I am sick inside over this and yes its so easy to hear u got to let go...u got to move on before he really hurts u..u got to find someone else???? I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS??? I am a very smart woman but feel so stuck and lost....It is so easy to hear people say that I deserve better...I know I do....or to hear he is just gonna say **** u when she does move in....that would really kill me inside.....there are so many what if's...Any adivce or help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

[carl1222]

Hello...I am new to seeking advice online but thought this might b a good start to gettin my head right....Like most I have been in good and bad relationships...I was married for 6 years and have been divorced for four...For those of you that have been in my place before marriage changes u...some has been for the good..some bad....With that being said I was pursued by a man last Feb of 08..when we finally met I was optimistic...a few months in we began discussing relationships it was at that time he shared that he was at the time "dating" a female he had met in Oct they were not official but it was obvious he wanted her in his life...we talked countless times bout us and where we might go...he was very honest in telling me if she decided she wanted to b with him exclusively that he would b with her..at the same time he wanted me in his life as well...now yes i know what u all are thinkin why stay with a man who u knw u are goin to eventually share????not a place I EVER imagined I would b...I never want to get comfortable being the other woman but fact is I am...I have been with this man for almost a year...We spend time together...our kids know each other and I have fallen so in love with him I cant tell if I am comin or goin....I have never been in a place like this before...I could go on and on about how I feel and what I want the bottom line is I know he is going to stay with her and it hurts like nothing I ever imagined...I cant imagine not having him in my life...our friendship is wonderful yet I know part of why he keeps me around is out of his own selfishness...If and when the time comes for her to move in with him then I wonder where that will leave me???? I cant get his feelings outside of me knowing he cares for me out of him and it is so frustrating...I have never had a problem getting a man to love me until now and I hate the feeling of him not loving or wanting me the way he does her...How can i feel like I belong with this man??? I am sick inside over this and yes its so easy to hear u got to let go...u got to move on before he really hurts u..u got to find someone else???? I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS??? I am a very smart woman but feel so stuck and lost....It is so easy to hear people say that I deserve better...I know I do....or to hear he is just gonna say **** u when she does move in....that would really kill me inside.....there are so many what if's...Any adivce or help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

You are a fallback at most, a f**k buddy at worst. Read your own post and think how you would advise a friend if she came to you with the same story!

Carl.

[Mish]

there are so many what if's...Any adivce or help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

Actually there aren't many ifs at all. You are just infatuated with a man who is unavailable. You need to let him go and either be single or find some one else. You did it before, you can do it again. Your life won't be over once you do that. You will just move on.

[Aeradalia]

...a few months in we began discussing relationships it was at that time he shared that he was at the time "dating" a female he had met in Oct they were not official but it was obvious he wanted her in his life...

This was your cue to leave... he obviously doesn't want you in the same way you want him.

..at the same time he wanted me in his life as well...

He doesn't love you... so what does it matter if he wants you in his life?

...I have been with this man for almost a year...

A year with a man who is bringing you along for the ride, and that's not fair and terribly unkind.

..our friendship is wonderful yet I know part of why he keeps me around is out of his own selfishness...

Yes, he is selfish... a quality not found in a loving relationship.

If and when the time comes for her to move in with him then I wonder where that will leave me????

On the back burner... as merely a dog waiting for him to give you the scraps from his table of affections.

I cant get his feelings outside of me knowing he cares for me out of him and it is so frustrating...

Whether or not you can remove the feeling... you don't have to act on it. You know he doesn't really care, so you can act like he doesn't care... in spite of your feelings.

I am sick inside over this and yes its so easy to hear u got to let go...u got to move on before he really hurts u..u got to find someone else????

Easy to hear... harder to actually put into play. But sometimes we have to do things we won't like so that we can better ourselves in the long run.

I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS???

I have a feeling that you do... it's not that you don't know how.. it's because you don't 'want' to.

I am a very smart woman but feel so stuck and lost....

Then do the smart thing... leave him and move on. Don't be a mere toy for anybody... have more self-respect than that.

It is so easy to hear people say that I deserve better...I know I do....or to hear he is just gonna say **** u when she does move in....that would really kill me inside.....there are so many what if's..

So who cares? You're not part of the 'big picture'... and nothing you can ever do will change that. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. In this you have lost. Get up, dust yourself off, and move on. To stay and dwell on the pain while you're down is pointless and not helpful in any way.

.Any adivce or help would be appreciated.

Advice can be offered with no guarantee that it will offer comfort, change your feelings, or that you'll even like it. All advice can do is tell you what other people (who are not emotionally involved as you are) observe.