Miserable existence

[ArBR82]

I feel the same way, friend. It's been 4 months, and i'm still messed up. We were together for a little under 5 years. I can't look at other women without thinking about her, but i've told myself that I just have to force myself to try and forget about her. I haven't been to a therapist yet, but i'm thinking that if I don't get better soon I'll probably have to. Whatever you do, don't resort to alchohol or drugs... that just makes it worse... or at least in my case it did.

Keep your chin up.

[Lite]

I feel the same way, friend. It's been 4 months, and i'm still messed up. We were together for a little under 5 years. I can't look at other women without thinking about her, but i've told myself that I just have to force myself to try and forget about her. I haven't been to a therapist yet, but i'm thinking that if I don't get better soon I'll probably have to. Whatever you do, don't resort to alchohol or drugs... that just makes it worse... or at least in my case it did.

Keep your chin up.

You don't need to forget about the person, you just need to find ways to resolve your feelings and move on. They were a part of your life for years, it's normal to feel screwed up and unhappy that a big part of your life is now missing. You rebuild, you go on. You have to do it for yourself, and your own happiness. Not for revenge, or anything. Just yourself, to be happy in your own life.

[lost1976]

Are you related to CAM, by chance?

No offense, Lost, but if your SN is an indication you are in your early 30s? Not sure what you mean by 'way more educated than ppl in your age group', but I can tell you that there are lots of doctors, professors, lawyers, successful business ppl of your age.

I presume you mean you are more educated/successful than most of your peer group? If thats so, perhaps you need to widen your social network. Meet and get to know ppl like yourself. There are plenty out there, I'm pretty sure about this.

I didnt mean to come across as boastful. Was trying to say that I dont have many friends because I feel different and isolated.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I tend to make a distinction b/t friends and acquaintances. I use the term 'friend' rather sparingly. I value quality over quantity. Other than family, I have 2 close friends w/whom I have a special, reciprocal relationship where we could call upon each other for almost anything, anytime. Beyond that there are a handful of decent ppl who we get along very well with and socialize, we'd be comfortable looking after each other's children, etc. And loads of these acquaintances beyond that.

Its very rare to find ppl who share the same values, lifestyle, thought patterns and personality enough to create that special connection that very close friends have. And, since they aren't related by blood, its that much more unlikely. Don't worry if you don't have too many ppl like this in your life, it would be very unusual. One or two special friends that really care are enough.

[hurtbeyndrepair]

Hey lost I am going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend and I of three years this week broke up a month ago. I know it is not anywhere near to a year, but this month has been the worst of my whole life and I don't know how much I can take. The terrible thing about my situation is that me and my ex were apart for a yr and a half, he was out in california during which time he cheated on me with two dsifferent unimportant people that he did not have feelings for, I could no matter how hard I tried get over this pain. so I developed feelings for a boy in my class who looked just like my boyfreind, I was trying to not love my boyfreind anymore because it hurt too much, I told my boyfreind I had feelings for someone else and that we should brerak up. My borfreind was devestated for a week and the first night we didnt sleep together I realized what a mistake I made , my feelinds for this other guy were gone , it was a crush and I told my boyfreind we could try to start over again but by this point he said that all his feelings for me were destroyed when I tld him i liked that other guy. He said he wanted to cut me out of his life. I know that my boyfreind still cares for me i dont beleive that you can just stop loving someone after you did for so long, if someone moves on that fast, they do not really love, the hurtful thing is when they fool someone who really does love them. I think deep down alot of it is a defense mechanism people leave poeple before they are left, hurt before they are hurt. That is what I did but I realized that being without my boyfreind and hurting my boyfreind only hurt me more because I love him so deeply, more than I love myself. I havent slept or eaten well for the last month, I feel sickl, sometimes I just sit for hours or pace aronud, I think I will see a therapist soon too. The only reason I have not done myself in is because I have a mother and sister and nephew who care so much for me. I am supposed to graduate from college in the spring I dont know if I will be able to do this. My ex has been very sweet he still talks to me and cares for me , we are good freinds, but I am so scared of losing him to another girl this is not good enough for me, it hurts so much because we were soul mates and we were planning to get married. We are both very young 22 and 21, and I think alot of it is just bad timing, my boyfreind has never had a serious girlfreind outside of me so I think he wants to experience other relationships, but it hurts so much . The pain in my heart gets so bad I just want to rip it out of my chest sometimes, and I feel like i literally will suffocate . I have a hard time beleiving in God but i talk to him hoping one day he will heal me and you to . If only i knew what i know now, and could some how reverse what i said and did, i would do anything.

[lost1976]

Hey lost I am going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend and I of three years this week broke up a month ago. I know it is not anywhere near to a year, but this month has been the worst of my whole life and I don't know how much I can take. The terrible thing about my situation is that me and my ex were apart for a yr and a half, he was out in california during which time he cheated on me with two dsifferent unimportant people that he did not have feelings for, I could no matter how hard I tried get over this pain. so I developed feelings for a boy in my class who looked just like my boyfreind, I was trying to not love my boyfreind anymore because it hurt too much, I told my boyfreind I had feelings for someone else and that we should brerak up. My borfreind was devestated for a week and the first night we didnt sleep together I realized what a mistake I made , my feelinds for this other guy were gone , it was a crush and I told my boyfreind we could try to start over again but by this point he said that all his feelings for me were destroyed when I tld him i liked that other guy. He said he wanted to cut me out of his life. I know that my boyfreind still cares for me i dont beleive that you can just stop loving someone after you did for so long, if someone moves on that fast, they do not really love, the hurtful thing is when they fool someone who really does love them. I think deep down alot of it is a defense mechanism people leave poeple before they are left, hurt before they are hurt. That is what I did but I realized that being without my boyfreind and hurting my boyfreind only hurt me more because I love him so deeply, more than I love myself. I havent slept or eaten well for the last month, I feel sickl, sometimes I just sit for hours or pace aronud, I think I will see a therapist soon too. The only reason I have not done myself in is because I have a mother and sister and nephew who care so much for me. I am supposed to graduate from college in the spring I dont know if I will be able to do this. My ex has been very sweet he still talks to me and cares for me , we are good freinds, but I am so scared of losing him to another girl this is not good enough for me, it hurts so much because we were soul mates and we were planning to get married. We are both very young 22 and 21, and I think alot of it is just bad timing, my boyfreind has never had a serious girlfreind outside of me so I think he wants to experience other relationships, but it hurts so much . The pain in my heart gets so bad I just want to rip it out of my chest sometimes, and I feel like i literally will suffocate . I have a hard time beleiving in God but i talk to him hoping one day he will heal me and you to . If only i knew what i know now, and could some how reverse what i said and did, i would do anything.

Thanks for sharing your story.

AS crazy as it may sound, believe me that it will get better with time. Also, please talk to a therapist even if only for a couple of sessions. After I wrote this post I went to see a therapist and as I told her my life story I was surprised how it sounded so different in spoken word. the difference between talking to a friend and a therapist is that with a therapist you can tell them anything because you arent afraid they would judge you.

I am of course still very sad but I have days when I feel alright and those days have been occurring more and more with time. So my guess is that in the future a time will come when I will have more good days and few bad days.

Spend this time improving yourself. Workout, study, be a better person.

I asked myself time and again, oh god why did she leave me, why such pain? But the answer is that it wasnt the love of my life even if it felt that way. The love of my life would never have hurt like that. There is hope and excitement in that. IN that you start thinking that there is an even better situation and an even better person out there for you.

Take care and hope you are breaking hearst soon